To decline a job offer because I am scared of driving?

[Kittenmumma]

Been unhappy at work for a few months. Just came across a good opportunity but the role isn’t in London (I usually commute there by train). It is in a location that isn’t convenient for me by public transport as it’ll take me almost 2 hes to get there but it would be around 50 mins by car. The issue is that I don’t drive. I have a driving licence and we have a car that DH could leave me for a couple of days a week when I’d have to go in but I am scared of driving and one bit of the path to work is also on the motorway.
Should I listen to my fears and leave it or is is nuts and perhaps I should take a few lessons to get over my fear of hitting the road again?

Before accepting or declining the job, why don’t you drive the journey?

You say you have just come across it

have you actually applied?

Get a few refresher lessons, and then practice the route with your DH as many times as you can in the car you’ll be driving in.

It’s a great reason to start driving again - unless you never want to drive anywhere again.

Once you’ve done the route say 5 or 6 times you’ll find it easy.

@Wayhome it’s been too long so don’t feel confident, I’d have to take some lessons first

@Wayhome at final stages

In the short term, no - there’s no point taking a job you can’t get to.

In the long term, yes. You need to conquer this and take some lessons

Don’t let the fear of driving hold you back. Get your DH to take you on a few quiet roads to practice again and just take it from there, after a few days just try the drive with him on a quieter day like a Sunday. I know it’s easier said than done but I would try to overcome the fear. Driving is so liberating and you’ll not look back

If this is a better job, you've gone to the effort of applying for it and the only sticking point is the driving, then yes, having a few refresher lessons would surely be worthwhile.

If the motorway is the sticking point for now, how long would it take to get there avoiding the motorway? You can set this as an option on Google maps.

Only you can decide which you want more, a new job with the challenge/ bonus of driving or looking closer to home and staying in your comfort zone.

I think I would apply and start having some lessons at the same time. Then you keep your options open. You have passed your test so clearly you can/ could drive if you want to.

Good luck

YABU as not driving makes your world quite small and is most likely holding you back. Plus isn't your husband sick of having to do all the driving?

I was in a serious car crash, and left upside down by the hit and run b*. I couldn't even cross the road, I was absolutely terrified of cars. Ex H had lost his job, the car was on finance and although it was written off,we had to carry on paying the payments till the insurance settled. I signed up with The Institute of Advanced Motorists. I had someone in the front, sometimes someone in the back, they taught me tips and tricks,a different way of driving to how I was taught back in 1980. They were lovely,so kind, I also did the High Performance course which was motorway driving. Then passed The Advanced Driving test with a police examiner.

I had to do my route eight times with my husband driving first so I can see which lanes and where to go and then for me to practise but it was only a bit extra on top of where I usually drive. Only you can figure out whether its something you will be fine with eventually or if it would be something that would make you permanently unhappy. Driving more might improve your life, as it would make opportunities easier for work and your private life. Saying that, I would not want to take a job a 50 minute drive away as that can easily become much longer in traffic or road works. I know many do it but my preference is for something closer to home for a better work-life balance.

Id say, get your DH to do some driving with you. He can drive the car to somewhere really quiet for you to practice first, then as you build confidence you can practice the route to the new job.

It's ok to accept where you are now, plus decide to take steps to address this in future.

So either - decline this job but address the driving issue, or accept the job and accept the long commute time while you address the issue.

The thing is that my daily commute is 1hr and 15 min also with trains so I am used to that

I am also scared of driving and rarely do it (and no, I'm not a CF and rarely accept, and never ask for, lifts). I would say only accept the job if you could live with the commute by public transport if it turns out you can't get confident with the drive. If you do accept it, try driving the route a few time (with DH in the car if his presence doesn't stress you out further) and see if it feels like something you could become more confident with in time.

Well in that case, yes decline. As if you accept, you will then need to have the lessons and then what happens if you don’t feel comfortable doing?

I would definitely get a few refresher lessons including motorway lessons to give you some confidence. And practise the route a few times. As above the more you do it the easier it will become.

Get some lessons, regardless of this specific job. Driving really is an important skill unless you’re in one of the few cities with good public transport and local services. What happens if your DH develops a problem such that he can’t drive and needs taking to hospital? This happened to me this year - if I’d not been able to drive down the motorway and negotiate the specific hell of hospital car parks we’d be in trouble.
Whether it’s a good idea for your DH to take you out or not is for you to decide. I have an excellent relationship with my DH and am perfectly happy driving but recently when driving a new car for the first time he nearly drove me bonkers! 😂

If you need to make a decision about the job in the meantime, accept it and if necessary do the inconvenient public transport journey until you can get your driving lessons/confidence sorted.

I think you should apply. Without the pressure of needing to get over this, you'll put off conquering your fear.

Don't apply.

Speaking from experience; I took a job that ended up requiring me to travel a lot and the stress was unbelievable. I ended up leaving the job because I was worried I would have a nervous breakdown.

Everyone is different. And you know you. But this was my experience and had I known the job would require so much travelling I never would have taken it

The end goal is that you get a job you are happy with. If the price is that you need to force yourself to conquer your fears of driving, that will be a huge boost to your confidence overall. Practice the route as much as possible, it will soon become second nature.

If it’s an Amazing job please push yourself as you’ll only regret it.

my dd has a summer job related to uni and has never driven on the motorway until 6 weeks ago. She’s now been all over Scotland on the motorway and it’s built her confidence so much, she just needed something to push her and this has been it.
don’t give up an opportunity to have your dream job just because you are scared of driving. The only way to increase that confidence is to get out and drive.

I think whether you should take the job or not is dependent on how bad your aversion to driving is.

I have experienced exactly this except I had no choice as work required me to do training for two months and there was no other way to get there. So although I did drive to my workplace, it was only 10mins away and v easy to get to even for a learner. The training venue however was a few towns away and looked v scary to someone like me.

I tackled it by my making some handwritten notes/drawings using online directions to understand how long/complex it actually was so I understood the ‘theory’ of it which made it less intimidating. Then I got a family member to drive there and back allowing me as the passenger to follow along with my own notes. Anything I didn’t understand, my much more experienced and confident driver explained to me. Because I was the passenger I could really take everything in about the journey and also scribbled down notes about any landmarks or any iffy things to look out such as a fast lane changed needed at x perhaps because the lead up to an exit you must be in is very short.

I then on a different day, got that same driver to sit in with me whilst I did my ‘dummy run’ and pretty much never made a mistake or had any issues. In fact, there was one time, the better driver took me up to Bristol which is v v far from my home town and made errors on the way back but when it was my turn to do it alone (I couldn’t ask him to sit in as it was a v long 3hr round trip) I was a bag of nerves (had diarrhoea even because of it that morning 🤦🏻‍♀️), but I made it there and back through all types roads including the motorway (argh!) and Bristol city centre itself and back home again without a single wrong turn. I was so proud of myself. And yes people might think me a weirdo for the amount of prep I do first rather than just jumping in and switching on sat nav like a free spirit lol but it worked every single time for me. And I really don’t like driving and even my family had no faith in me at all and wouldn’t even after I passed my test accompany me on the motorway for my first ever time - which really knocked my confidence more so! But instead I hired a motorway instructor and found I actually quite enjoyed it lol. Since then my proudest achievement was driving a few times from West Mids to Barnet, London and back again and I should say all these times I was always alone and because of distance there were usually no dummy runs just all 5’ nothing of me alone!

Anyway, I hope my anecdote has provided perhaps a little inspiration/ideas! Good luck!