To be terrified to be home alone?

[DiamondRing7]

Hi, just posting in case anyone has any advice or tips or has experienced similar

I’m absolutely terrified to be home alone at night. It’s dark, lonely, really scary and I end up cowering in my room too afraid to even close my eyes and sleep. I’m scared of my house being broken into, I’m scared of being murdered, I’m scared of ghosts/demons/spirits (even though I don’t believe in them!) My brain just seems to imagine scary things and then I can’t stop thinking or worrying about it. And hearing normal cracks/sounds from things like wind just terrifies me even more- even though I know logically it’s literally nothing spooky at all. I’m 27 but still live at home and am saving to buy a property, but because I live with my family I’ve never really had to be home alone much so I’ve mostly avoided facing my fear

Anyway, I acknowledged that I need to fix this because ultimately I’m an adult and I need to be able to go to sleep whilst home alone. My family are all away on holidays this week and I made an excuse that I was unable to get time off work, when in reality, I just need to face my fears. I know once I’ve done it several times I’ll just get used to it but it’s so terrifying. I’m sitting in my bedroom right now absolutely petrified even though all the lights are on

I’ve been to therapy etc already which didn’t really help much. I’m not normally an anxious or scared person apart from this. I just know I’ve got to force myself to get over this by facing it head on

the worst part is I have a respectable professional job (think lawyer, accountant etc) but yet can’t even cope being myself at night?! I feel so ridiculous

for context so as to not drip feed, I wasn’t raised by my birth parents for the majority of my childhood. My parents (as I call them) who raised me were utterly amazing, but unfortunately I witnessed a lot of chaos before then, and a parent whom I had no contact with managed to get our number and called to say he was going to slit my throat. I was 13 so old enough to understand the threat and was terrified. Thankfully now he cannot hurt me, and I’m not scared of him because I know it’s not possible for him to hurt me now, but I think that just made me more frightened in general and it contributed to my fear

but yeah, if anyone has any advice on how I can get through the next week it would be really appreciated x

You’re amazing. You are genuinely facing your fears and that is really brave.

please come back and tell us how you got through last night, and know that you did so, and you can do it again. I’m interested in the therapy you had not working-try to remember that not everything works at once, but that does not mean that nothing will ever work.

I'm 65, had no childhood trauma and was raised by my very lovely birth parents and I'm exactly the same as you. I hate the dark and being alone at night. I don't know why and, at my age, don't suppose I'll change. I know lots of people who feel uneasy when they are alone in the house at night and I'm sorry that I can't make any suggestions about how to overcome your fears. Just want you to know that you're not alone in feeling this way.

Well done OP on being brave enough to face your fears, even if you’re feeling scared. I think the other posters that are right when they say that getting therapy for your previous traumas is probably necessary. The thing is that it’s not just when you were 13, it’s the loss of birth parents too and all the trauma that comes with it regardless of how loving and secure the relationships are with the people that brought you up.
I know from my own experience that without therapy, it’s likely that even if you conquer this fear by yourself, another fear will come to replace it. I went through a phase in my early twenties when I was like you and unable to stay in a house by myself. I managed to beat it but then developed a huge fear of being sick. After that fear was gone I then was convinced all my teeth were going to drop out and spent day and night worrying. And it went on until I went into therapy. I’m still not 100%, I have my anxieties, but I am so much more able to cope with situations and understand myself.
All the best OP.

I live by myself @DiamondRing7 and I love it, so I don’t really get your fear but I guess the background makes it understandable. Kudos for trying to sort it out.
Would a low level of predictable background noise help, so you aren’t on high alert, aube play something calm- radio 4 or gentle music ( nothing that raises your pulse), stick to your usual routine, do something nice for your self care. Are you generally happy in your own company as of not this is always going to be difficult for you. Good luck.

Hope you had some sleep OP.
It’s common to feel like this at night, staying alone takes some practice.
Is it a big house and how close your neighbours? It makes a difference as well. If it’s a really big detached house and neighbours are not so close you naturally feel more lonely. However you might be absolutely fine in a flat in a city.
In the meantime I would leave lights on at least somewhere, do a check around the house before going to bed, less caffeine and something light to read or watch. Good luck .

Therapy @DiamondRing7 seems a must in this situation.

When I lived alone I had a lock installed on my bedroom door which helped.

Do a round of checking doors and windows before you head upstairs to check that they’re locked.

Have a ring doorbell installed and if you really feel the need, more cameras around whatever house you move into.

Make your bedroom into your haven. Think about what things make you relaxed and happy? Would it be splashing on some luxurious bedding, scented candles, oil diffusers, light projectors to keep on during the night.

Play calming spa or sound bowl music through the night to have some background noise rather than being on edge waiting to hear every little sound.

You can do this.

Hey just thought I’d post a quick reply.

thank you so, so much for all the supportive comments and helpful suggestions- I’m so grateful for all of it and will be taking the advice on board!

it’s funny because I was crying and upset at the time I posted it, but quite literally 5 minutes later fell asleep! I woke up at 5 for the toilet and the room was fairly dark (blackout curtains) and the tv had turned itself off- it was just the automatic timer on it but normally I’d have spiralled in case someone had been in and switched it off but I didn’t, I just went to the toilet, came back in and fell asleep again! I feel so proud as daft as it sounds that I managed to do it- last time I tried I spent the night shivering in the corner out of fear.

i think the true test will be tonight- I’ve already done it, I was safe, I know I can do it and it will be fine, so I’m just going to try and face it head on again and sleep! I think it’s the kind of thing where I’ll never love it but I’ll tolerate it and be able to do it- that’s what I’m like being home alone during the day or at work

but anyway, thank you so much everyone again, so grateful for all the help x

Get an attack alarm next to your bed btw you won’t need it- just as a comfort blanket. Good luck

Well done OP! I was the same and was scared of being alone. I’m still scared of the dark (I’m nearly 50) but really enjoyed living alone in my twenties! I got a cat so I could blame any noises on him and nothing sinister. Having the tv on is a good idea too - I found it works a bit like white noise and covers other sounds.

I would try very hard to conquer this. My mum had this and by the time she was old and needed care, she couldn’t stay alone with carers popping in. It accelerated her move into a nursing facility and she was surrounded by women all the same (as well as some who needed it for care needs).

Lots of good advice here so please do look into it or failing that, therapy.

Agree with this..

I’ve lived alone for nearly 10 years now and was very scared at night to start with but it does get easier.. I make sure all doors are securely locked and push a chair against my bedroom door just to give me peace of mind