Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Husband / partner issues

6 replies

Hey12345 · 23/07/2025 00:22

Please someone tell me this is not normal or am I being unreasonable?

Currently crying over something so trivial, a shelf from the freezer left out over an hour by DH with food in it (defrosting by now). But also, when I pointed out to him what he had done he notice the knife that he left out with the handle poking out of the worktop slightly (we have 2 young kids and he constantly does this which I constantly point out is a safety issue as it’s in reach), but I’ve already had words today because he left the food waste bin lid open to the elements (flies) after he put some food in it. I just feel like such a nag because he constantly goes around and leaves a mess, which is sometimes dangerous for little children, and I feel like I have to point these things out because:
a. Our eldest is 7yo and he should know better about leaving dangerous things out,
b. We’re in our mid-30’s, well he’s nearer to 40,
c. I’ve mentioned before how I just need him to tidy up after himself to set an example for our DC’s and I’l tidy up after myself and our DC’s,
d. I’ve had enough of waking up from night shifts on the weekend when he’s in charge or DC’s and the house is an absolute tip, the DC’s are pumped full of sugar and I’m left to tidy up after everyone, which makes me mad/sad, which affects the whole house, which then makes me feel guilty (but if people cleaned after themselves I wouldn’t even get to that stage).

is this normal or does someone have any guidance please because I seem to take the brunt of the guilt and then feel like I’m overreacting, but I feel like it shouldn’t be that hard to keep the house tidy’ish (toy clutter is fine, rubbish on the floor is not), and to keep any dangerous items away from young kids reach.

OP posts:
MuckFusk · 23/07/2025 00:34

YANBU. He's a typical lazy, entitled bastard. Tell him he has to do his share around the house and parent the kids properly or you will leave him.

LibertyKnickers · 23/07/2025 00:37

Weaponised incompetence. In spades. You have to let him know that the household is run by the two adults in it. Both of them. He is not a child. Say so in so many words.

Another option is to use it back. Start "forgetting" to wash his shirts or to put them away after him. Start "forgetting" to get the right food for dinner for the two of you. Start "forgetting" to organise his dental appointments, or whatever else you do for him.

Both of these could provoke more anger and withdrawal from him. But you have to do something as it is in his interests and his alone to behave like this.

NB My DH isn't like this so I am not speaking from experience. Maybe other MNetters will have different or more practical advice.

MsAmerica · 23/07/2025 01:35

I can't tell if you're asking whether you're abnormal or whether he is abnormal.

Otherwise, crying seems over-reacting. Maybe marital counseling is a possibility?

CoachNot · 23/07/2025 08:39

I withdrew, he had an affair 🤣
Be prepared to end it.

MiloMinderbinder925 · 23/07/2025 08:49

If you're constantly criticising him, it's going to become white noise. You need to talk to him and if he doesn't listen or implement changes - make it specific - then he's checked out. You can suggest marriage counselling in order to better manage communication or decide on your next steps.

Hedgedone · 23/07/2025 08:55

Lazy selfish loser.
Very hard to have children with a shit partner and shit father.

He doesn't care enough to do better.
The filling the children full of sugar because it is easier would be enough for me.

Stop doing anything for him at all, shopping, cooking, laundry.

This is your life for as long as you tolerate it.
You deserve better.

New posts on this thread. Refresh page