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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to assume my DH would be happy to stop drinking a few weeks before baby is due

18 replies

CheekyOpalFinch · 22/07/2025 23:19

I am currently 36 weeks pregnant with our 3rd child, DS1 is 4 and DS2 is 2.

We have recently moved back to an area where he has several friend groups and he is lining up meet ups that involve meeting for pints before the baby comes....for example this week he was out Sunday and plans to be out for drinks Wed, Thurs and Fri. He is also planning more for the following weekend- by this stage I will be 38 weeks and I suggested maybe it was getting a bit close to due date...I'm absolutely exhausted and could do with the help with DS 1 and 2 in the evenings tbh .

He took this badly suggesting I was being controlling and that I then shouldn't go to a concert (that I booked tickets for before I was even pregnant) because it falls on the weekend before DS1 starts school..

OP posts:
Standardpain · 22/07/2025 23:30

It doesn't sound as though he cares very much about you, his children, or your soon to be new baby OP.

It also sounds as though he has a problem with alcohol because that's a tremendous amount of drinking

Do you have any family or friends near by OP to give you help and support?

Poppyseed2684 · 22/07/2025 23:35

My husband - now ex - didn’t drink at all when I was pregnant. We watched a lot of box sets. What’s going to happen if you go into labour on one of these drinking occasions?

RandomWordsThrownTogether · 22/07/2025 23:43

I am not pregnant, if my partner went out drinking 4 nights a week and left me with the kids I would leave him - what’s the point in having a partner if he does nothing to support the family. Has he always been such a terrible parent?

daisydotss · 22/07/2025 23:52

I’m 33 weeks and suggested to DH to go out last weekend and he refused saying anything could happen and he wants to help with our little one clear headed. Sorry you’re dealing with this OP.

Original poster
CheekyOpalFinch · 22/07/2025 23:57

RandomWordsThrownTogether · 22/07/2025 23:43

I am not pregnant, if my partner went out drinking 4 nights a week and left me with the kids I would leave him - what’s the point in having a partner if he does nothing to support the family. Has he always been such a terrible parent?

Thats the strange thing- he is normally a very loving and supportive partner and father. On previous pregnancies he was happy to stop drinking at around this stage and if he was out would stick to non alcoholic.

I'm not sure if it's because we have been living away the last couple of months and he feels like he's entitled to all these catch ups before baby 3 comes and has to cram them in.

I honestly don't know what I would do if I went into labour while he is out on one of these nights out... but I probably need to make a plan.

OP posts:
Rainbowqueeen · 23/07/2025 00:07

I can see from his POV he will not be able to go out once baby arrives and he wants to catch up with his friends.

Can you compromise and he goes out after the DC are in bed? I'd also expect him to be in a fit state the next day to participate fully in family life and to give you a break for part of the day.

MsAmerica · 23/07/2025 01:36

Why would you think anyone would be "happy" to stop drinking?

Eenameenadeeka · 23/07/2025 01:44

Not only would it be nice for him to be caring for your children, he also needs to be sober in case you need him to drive you to the hospital.

FrazzledHippy · 23/07/2025 02:09

MsAmerica · 23/07/2025 01:36

Why would you think anyone would be "happy" to stop drinking?

Because OP is heavily pregnant and has two young children already she needs help with AND it's entirely reasonable to expect someone to be sober so close to the due date in case they're needed.

When I was close, DH still went out occasionally but he took the car, only had one pint and stayed close to home incase I went into labour.

Why wouldn't you be happy to be sober in such a situation? If nothing else, midwifes wouldn't let you onto the ward if you were arseholed, then not only do you miss the birth of your child but you're abandoning your partner too!

Bloody stupid thing to say MsAmerica

EmeraldShamrock000 · 23/07/2025 02:10

Yes. I would hope that he would cut down when the baby is here too.

mathanxiety · 23/07/2025 02:21

I'd be asking why drinking is so.important to him, quite frankly.

And I'd also be reconsidering the entire relationship. A man who prioritises drinking over family responsibility is a man who probably has a drinking problem. The problem is yours too, of course, because you end up taking up the slack.

Could you move in with your parents?

YANBU.

mathanxiety · 23/07/2025 02:24

MsAmerica · 23/07/2025 01:36

Why would you think anyone would be "happy" to stop drinking?

Why would someone not be happy or willing or able to stop drinking?

Delphiniumandlupins · 23/07/2025 02:39

You need to have a birth plan (and back ups) worked out together. This isn't something for you to organise on your own. So ask him what he thinks should happen when you go into labour on various days at different times. Is he ensuring his DC are in bed and asleep before he goes out, is he be getting them up in the morning?

chunkybear · 23/07/2025 09:24

Yes you absolutely need a plan! The drinking hit wouldn't bother me so much if there was a plan and he was just having a few, I would be mighty pissy if he was anything close to pissed! Re the concert - 1 night, really, when he's having multiple nights out on the booze?! I'm older than you and never put up with nonsense anyway but I'd certainly yank him up on this nonsense!

Icanttakethisanymore · 23/07/2025 09:28

I wouldn't necessarily expect him to be teetotal but I would expect him to be able to drive as I got close to my due date so the odd pint isn't an issue but out for the evening is not great. I'd also expect him to be doing at least his fair share of the childcare.

greglet · 23/07/2025 09:33

I don’t think having a few pints when your wife is pregnant is a big deal in itself (DH claimed he was ‘drinking for two’ when I was pregnant 😂), but going out three or four nights on the trot when you’ve got two small children at home isn’t on, and wouldn’t be even if you weren’t pregnant! It sounds as though he isn’t pulling his weight and all the expectations are on you. I’d be taking issue with this, rather than the fact he is drinking.

Spirallingdownwards · 23/07/2025 09:37

How many catch ups does someone need just because you lived away for "a couple of months"? That sounds really odd.

mindutopia · 23/07/2025 09:40

He needs to be in a fit state to drive and make medical decisions at all times. It’s totally possible to go to the pub and socialise with friends without drinking alcohol. I don’t drink and I do it all the time. It’s fine to say he’d prefer to go out and get drunk, but he can’t. This is life. He can manage to see friends and not drink alcohol for a few weeks. He can also meet them for a coffee or a hike or a cycle or whatever.

I think a bigger issue is why is he getting lots of time to relax and see friends in the weeks leading up to baby, when actually it’s you who is going to be doing the bulk of the work of looking after a new baby, missing out on sleep and balancing looking after 2 other young children? Surely, if anyone gets a night out with friends because it won’t be possible for some time, it’s you.

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