To think my sister in law loves playing the victim

[Nerrrp]

Brother orders pizza because the kids want pizza. Sister in law doesn’t like pizza so he tells her I’ll order Chinese from a local takeaway she likes. She insists she’ll eat the pizza, brother offers x 3 to order Chinese but she refuses. She doesn’t eat the pizza, remains hungry and then complains about going hungry.

We decide to visit the pub, sister in law claims she is tired and has to go to work early. I ask her twice to come for 20 minutes but she declines. A few days later, I’m accused of excluding her.

There are 100s of examples where she is offered something and declines it and then starts crying or becomes upset.

i cannot figure it out. I am miserable around her and have decided to keep my distance even though I’ll see less of my DNs. She acts this way with everyone.

Is there something mentally wrong with someone who does this thing again and again.

It sounds hard work I’d probably avoid her too

Attention seeking… ignore her

Let them get on with it.
I hate takeaways and generally have beans on toast - which I know isn’t relevant but I felt like sharing.

People need to start taking her at her word first time around. She refuses pizza/Chinese? Fine, she can make herself something. She says she can’t come to the pub because of work? ‘Oh, shame. See you another time.’ Brisk, non-nonsense, accepting, moving on. Genuine puzzlement when she weeps. ‘But you said no, Sandra! Anyway, as I was saying…’

I wouldn’t bite my tongue and would call her out on it.
She sounds like a child. People who behave like are exhausting.

When she complained she was hungry, I would have pointed out to her that she was offered Chinese 3 times and declined. When she complained about being excluded, I would have pointed out that she was asked to come but didn't want to. Why are you not challenging her when she behaves like this?

She’s a martyr. Incredibly annoying personality type.

Just forget about it. She will eventually end up genuinely excluded and not even offered pizza if she carries on like this.
You can but try. If someone huffs and puffs and sulks you ignore them. Like you would a spoilt toddler.

She's a professional martyr. I'd offer once, she reduces or whatever. Just move on knowing you've done the right thing. Don't let her dampen your mood. She will be secretly feeding off the attention. Fuck her.

Absolutely this, straight up call it out, this kind of behaviour is so irritating and it’s also a really bad example in front of kids.

I do it avoid escalating the situation. I know my brother doesn’t as well. Ive learnt it’s akin to dealing with a child: gently parenting but it’s exhausting, which is why I want to keep my distance…. But I don’t understand why she fails to realise what she is doing.

😂😂

Look up The Drama Triangle theory. Do as you’re doing and don’t treat her like the victim she makes herself out to be or she’ll never change.

Order her the Chinese regardless if she acts surprised tell her you thought you heard her say yes

It sounds like ongoing miscommunication and unmet expectations similar to offering food options on vad kostar en cheeseburgare på mcdonalds that get declined but still lead to complaints.