Called out my colleague for comment and my manager was unhappy

[Blueberry2025]

Weekly catch up meeting this morning with my team. Colleague raises a post she has seen on the internal intranet forum - basically, there has been a few instances recently of people’s cars being scraped in the car park by other vehicles and the perpetrators not leaving a note.

Male colleague, who is a bit of a smart arse and thinks he is hilarious, pipes up with ‘that will be all the women in their 4x4’s’ - no one laughs. I say that his comment got the reaction it deserved. Colleague doesn’t respond.

Post meeting, my manager messages me and asks to call. He says if it happens again then to leave it to him to sort! He didn’t address it in the moment and simply changed the subject.

I feel a bit miffed by him saying this to me to be honest. Should I have kept quiet? I wasn’t rude.

You did nothing wrong , your manager should have said something at the time if he felt strongly about it

Your manager is a cunt because he was too fucking stupid to call out that remark in real time, so is having a pop at you because you did.

I'd document the events and email it to your manager - if only because it serves as evidence if something happens again and your manager aims to undermine you for his incompetence.

You didn't overstep.

If it's ok for your colleague to make a stupid joke

why wouldn't it be ok for you to reply "It's not funny"

that's what I would ask my manager...

Your manager is a cunt because he was too fucking stupid to call out that remark in real time

Don't beat around the bush. If you've got something to say, just spit it out. 😂

You're absolutely right though.

I did ask why he took offence. Basically because my colleague can be ‘touchy’ and he would rather handle it himself in a way he knows would ‘work’.

I would tell your manager that sexist and misogynistic remarks aren't acceptable in the workplace and if he isn't prepared to speak in the moment then you are.

Know was your comment ‘calling him out’? You didn’t really say much!

No you did the right thing

Oh he's not very bright is he. I would have been saying I think you need to stop digging.

I'd have asked 'oh, what were you going to say to him?' I bet the honest answer would be 'nothing'. Does your manager think touchy people should get to say whatever they want?

Comments like that should be picked up as unacceptable, and I would say that if they are not dealt with at the time, they should be flagged for HR.

hes' taking the piss. If you are being offensive, you lose the right to be touchy.
You are touchy too!

You've done nothing wrong.

I applaud you 👏

I'd remind him that all the other people who heard the remark need to know he wasn't condoning it. He should have, at least, said 'exactly' or similar.
I love the concept of messaging you to call him, doesn't he know how to make calls ?

Oh sorry manager, would you have preferred a formal complaint about colleagues sexist comment? I'll send it over for you now to deal with appropriately.

I would've responded to the manager saying 'well, did you address it?'
If he thinks there's nothing wrong with sexist remarks and they should just be tolerated with no visible repercussions then he'll be breaching employment law.

Agreed.

Visible leadership required. And if the colleague is unprofessional when getting feedback on inappropriate behaviour, that can be performance managed too.

Oh, I like this one !

Aggh more pathetic.

Thats code for hes one of those men where people say "Dave's alright once you get to know him" which actually means Daves a difficult cunt, but we find it easier to pretend it's endearing than call him out because we'd feel uncomfortable

If your colleague is touchy he shouldnt dish what he cant take.

And your manager might want to consider addressing these things in real time isnt just about how it "works" for your colleague but also showing the rest of the staff sexist, piggish behavoiur wont be tolerated by management.

Mr Manager, I think you’ll find a lot more of us get touchy if Big Dave’s sexist comments are allowed to stand.

Bloke makes a sexist remark and another bloke reprimands the woman who tries to address it . Both blokes are knobs .

you’ve done nothing wrong, he can’t police how you speak unless it’s inappropriate, which it’s not.