Feeling sensitive

[Lovedpretty]

Im feeling quite upset by a friend but not sure what to do. Iv had ivf had lots of losses and miscarriages, we r taking a break an thinking about if that is what we really want. I do feel like I'm in a good place now. My friend is pregnant an when she told me I braced myself to feel upset but I was okay. Since she has sent me weekly scan pics, photos, baby clothes obsessively talks about it an im quite angry by how insensitive she has been. She asked to meet up but I dont want to. I have thought about telling her its too much but I dont want to upset her. I thought out of all of my friends she would be the most thoughtful and has been the opposite. Is it not common sense to think this might be upsetting for someone who has been through losses. If I tell her I feel like it will be weird but I worry the friendship is going downhill. I dont know what to do.

You’re not unreasonable to feel the way you do about the barrage of pregnancy spam she’s sending your way. But you may have to speak up and just say that, as happy as you are for her, your own experience makes it really difficult to handle the constant pregnancy updates. Tell her you don’t want to be unsupportive but that it’s hard to hear all her happy news when you’re still processing the grief of your losses and fertility treatment.

She really shouldn’t need telling. At the same time, of course she’s excited and wants to be able to share that with you if you’re close. If she’s a good friend, she’ll realise that she’s been too much, apologise and adjust accordingly. And if she takes it badly? Then she’s not that good a friend and you can let her go in good conscience.

First of all, I'm so sorry to read what you're going through and sending a huge hug.

Did you tell your friend you felt ok about the news? She does sound grossly insensitive but she may have thought she had the green light, or she may not know what to do. Her joy is valid but so is your pain. It's so difficult when you're in two very different places at this current juncture.

Either way, what you're feeling is absolutely valid. Do you have a feel for what your boundaries are? I guess you want to have some knowledge of how your friend is doing without it feeling so painful? Perhaps gently explain to your friend what these are. If she respects them, you'll know she didn't intend to cause you hurt, even if she has got it wrong.