Teenagers swearing about or at you is unacceptable and this is bad advice?

[Jarstastic]

DS13 commented on DS17's very loud music which he'd started blaring out. We were on our way out and it wasn't disturbing me, so I wasn't bothered about it and wasn't going to say anything. I just said to DS13 maybe he thinks we are being loud to alleviate DS13 being upset. DS then shut door, turned down music but was ranting ''they're fg cts" and "she's so fg loud, the fing ct'.

I do sometimes call to DC13 to hurry up but hadn't this morning. Anyway this is irrelevant, he can ask to keep the noise down if we are noisy. I know teenagers swear a lot, I hear them on the train but I think it's completely unacceptable to use that language in the house. I find it abusive.

However, I came across this and was rather taken back!!
gtgparenting.co.nz/2018/10/handle-defiant-teens-anger-swearing-communication/

OK, But What Do I Do When He Tells Me To !@ Off?
When teens blow up like this, what they need is exactly the opposite sort of reaction to the one we may have experienced growing up. A calm and steady response will help them access calm in the moment. Keep expectations realistic – it’s not a fast process and we are going to have to repeat this step many times. It can take a long time to be effective.
So What Do I Say ?
Reflect back their feelings with these sorts of words:
“For you to swear at me like that tells me that you’re having really strong feelings.”
“This is really hard for you – what’s going to make things easier?”
This is not being soft. It’s not giving in. It’s giving your teen vital time in which to process their own emotions.

I feel there’s a world of difference between saying fuck when you stub your toe and calling someone a cunt to their face. The difference is, in my mind, the aggression towards a person.

I agree, and the 'keep calm' advice makes sense in the context of 'model adult behaviour, don't escalate and wait for them to calm down before you discuss it' but there's no way I'd accept that attitude. I'd ask for an apology. You can't be a doormat around teenagers, its no good for either of you.

I swear and I didn’t mind my DCs swearing when they got to mid teens or so but I did mind them swearing at people or each other … not ok at all.

Exactly this

My teens swear but they know there are boundaries and that I don't expect them to swear at someone or with aggression, I also don't expect them to swear while in inappropriate venues (e.g., Nana's kitchen), or around inappropriate audiences such as you get siblings.

Eldest DC has, on occasion during a strop, forgotten themselves and told me "oh my god, fuck off/for fucks' sake" and each time has instantly paused in realisation and then immediately apologised. On the one occasion they didn't and tried to double down on it, I asked if they'd like to reconsider what they'd just said before I started to consider consequences. They reconsidered.

I would not tolerate my DC calling me or their siblings a cunt and I'd be having stern words about it with clear indicators of what the consequences would be if they were to do it again.

Blowing hot air back at teenagers (or anyone) never really works, in my opinion. I would calmly say 'I heard that and I never want to hear you speak like that about anyone ever again.'

Thank you for your comment. Interestingly, there's a lady who comes up on my Facebook feed albeit mainly about parenting younger children who says to give a consequence straight away not say if you do it again. eg. if they hit a sibling saying if you say hit again you'll have a consequence, they know it's wrong and they not get away with doing it the first time.

So what was your response to his rant about you being a cunt? I don't believe the only options are rage back at them or ignore it a d brush it under the carpet. His behaviour in that situation was totally unacceptable, in your shoes I would've gone and turned of the music and pointed out that I hadn't asked him to turn it down in the first place but now that he has been so rude he had lost the privilege of having music in his room.

I'm pretty relaxed with my teenager swearing around the house but he has never sworn or acted aggressively towards me or anyone.

I'm a bit of a casual swearer but never swear at people.

If DS swore at me and acted like this I think I'd be pretty firm. It's really not acceptable and no one should have to live in a house with aggression.