To feel so conflicted about going back from Maternity leave

[SunsetMarbella]

This is my second mat leave with my baby. My older DC is 4 years old and starting school next year. I love spending time with both of them. However, my older DC is in preschool term time only.
My mat leave is coming to an end soon and I am feeling so conflicted about going back though I was always clear that I'd go back.
I got this job after working for 15 years and it's a good role for my future and career path. I will also be finishing a degree from work soon when I go back and it will be helpful for my career. But, at this point I am struggling to see all these benefits when I think about going back to work. I love the convenience of being at home around kids and picking them up from preschool, taking them to parks etc. DH works full time and doesn't takes much time off due to being self employed. I am on 70k, hence giving up my job would mean a big financial hit.
Baby would be going to a childminder who is 5 mins walk from our home, so she won't be far. I am feeling very conflicted still despite having all arrangements in place.
Any advice is appreciated.

It’s really hard. I actually found returning from second mat leave even harder than first time round. Could you explore flexible working request/ part time at all? That might make the balance feel more appropriate.

I think it’s really normal to feel conflicted about returning- even to a job you enjoy.

I will be going back to only 2 days week for couple of months. And I can work flexibly. Still, finding it bit hard to think about going back.

Max Out parental leave so you can spend more time with them during holidays etc?

Going back to work was definitely the hardest thing for me, and I still don’t have the balance down yet (house work has definitely been taking a hit).