Would you be hurt by this or am I a twat

[myfitbitisfucked]

Have a very important appointment in person in two weeks. During a conversation tonight with a relative I asked if they would be ok with looking after my child, but no worries if not as a friend has offered to do so if I drop them off. Said I just needed to know but no big deal. Their response was “Well it’s not exactly as if I have any choice is it”. It’s really hurt me and I have just said so and that I’ve got alternative arrangements so will pursue those. Apparently I am being over the top and pushing them to say sorry when they have done nothing wrong.
if I am indeed a twat please feel free to tell me. Life recently has left me very doubtful as to my self worth and authority to set boundaries in any relationship context

Their response was rude but I think you’re being a bit sensitive.

How often do you ask them for childcare?

They’re obviously not best pleased about doing it but are doing it regardless just to help you out, so they’re obviously not an awful person.

Only you know why they said it like this.

Is it because you ask them quite often, which is perhaps where you need to stop relying on them so much.

Or are they just not a very nice person, in which case I’d be backing off from them.

Or were they just having a bad day and was snappy but ultimately are still doing you a favour and so it’s something that you can both forget about and move on from.

Your reply in future should sound something along the lines of :- well excuse me for giving first refusal to spend time with my child to family before friends, I just assumed blood meant something but rest assured you won't be asked again

There was absolutely no need for them to say that when you had already made clear a friend had already offered to do it. You made it clear it absolutely was as if they had a choice because they did. Don't hold out for an apology from someone who does things like this when you had already told them they had a choice but no, you are not being a twat here. They are.

Those 'lots of people' need to find better coping strategies, this is genuinely a very normal kind of request to say no to. Do 'lots of people' really go through life struggling to be honest with the people on their life they love and care for?

Some things people could say:
'i will have to a think and check my diary and let you know'
'i don't think I'll be able to do it, suggest you go with your friends offer'
'could you text me the details and I'll get back to you '

Even though OP started the conversation by saying a friend has already offered to do it so they didn’t need to if they were busy? They were given a get out from the start but chose to act like they didn’t have a choice. That’s on them, not OP.

You sound like one of those performative people pleaser martyrs whose inner world is a steaming pile of resentment at all the things you do "for" other people with no "gratitude", when they never wanted or asked you to do any of it.

Just never ask the relative to help again, OP. And in a few years' time, watch this same relative be all surprised when he/she starts asking you for help because she/he is finding some life admin too difficult, and you respond in a similar fashion.

Not sure why you're trying to push for an apology. I would just accept they don't want to do it and not ask again if that's the attitude they have.

It was a twattish response from them but pushing for an apology is unnecessary and over the top. It’s enough just to tell them why you feel their response was unfair.