Alcoholic parent

[farkit]

I am worn out, resentful and just generally done with my alcoholic parent. For years they have drank. There has been some tragic, chaotic and difficult times for our family but they drank even before all of this and I have vivid memories of them being drunk during my childhood (that’s not to say I wasn’t well cared for, I was, I just remember drink being around a lot).

They use alcohol as a coping mechanism for anything that goes wrong in life (big or small - death in the family. Drink. Cars broken down. Drink. Bad day at work. Drink. Very much a poor me poor me pour me another drink mentality). Over time this has escalated to daily drinking, drinking in the mornings, injuring themselves, falling out with friends and family, making a spectacle of themselves in public and just generally being an embarrassment. Not to mention the obvious issues it must be having on their health. They flatly refuse to seek help even though deep down they know they have a problem.

It is tragic to see as this is a person who had pride in themselves and now seemingly doesn’t care about their reputation or relationships. I have distanced myself to a point but I love them and when they are sober they are still a loving parent who I want in my life. But the drinking has severely impacted our relationship and their relationship with my dc.

How on earth do you navigate this with someone who doesn’t want to change?

I don’t know the answer to your questions but I empathise. I had an alcoholic parent. I was looked after and loved and I didn’t have a bad childhood, although there was an emotional distance from my parent. In later life it became much worse and caused many arguments and difficulties, injuries and sadness. I don’t know how you can make it better. My parent has died so I can’t ever make it better.

Al-Anon for friends and families whom need /want help and support for anyone like yourself that is having to deal with a loved one who is an alcoholic.
You will be very affected by your life of having to second guess and tip toe around a family member who uses alcohol for daily living. Even when they are sober, it’s always about getting the next drink.
I myself went to Al-Anon for the same reason as you have described and I was just WOW at my first meeting, as I was among people whom understood what is like.
it is a big step to take and decide to join a meeting, but I gave it 8 meetings and thought if I don’t get anything out of it by then I’ll sack it ! I didn’t need to as it helped me set boundaries and understand why I kept doing the same thing hoping things would change for my family member.
it is a 12 step program, which I found difficult at first, but you know what I just kept going and I learnt so much and met some genuinely warm people and to off load my frustrations and life got better.
Have a look for local meetings and there is usually someone who you can contact and they will help you navigate your first meetings. You have nothing to lose, but to gain your self worth and heathy boundaries.

My mum was like this and died in her 60s - the drink really can eventually catch up with people.

I sympathise OP - it’s horrible. It’s really unfair and disrespectful to people around them trying their best to lead honest straightforward lives