Fed up of husband calling all the shots

[Perimenopausalandfedup]

DH and I been married 4 years, together for 20. We’ve always had separate money because I’m crap with money and he’s a saver. He works ft well paid job, me part time and not so good. We also have 2 DD. I have always paid more than my fair share of bills which enables him to put money into savings as at some point we will move house.
End of last year he was arrested for failure to provide. It has been 9 months of hell, not knowing if he would keep his job, loosing his license a lot of worry and sleepless nights. He also paid for a solicitor with savings, obviously I stuck by him and supported him throughout
Now he’s been to court got a driving ban and has managed to keep his job massive relief for me and he has definitely learnt his lesson.
AIBU I want to go on holiday with him and DD’s just feel after how hard it has been that me and DD’s deserve it just need to recharge, de-stress and make memories with the children. Nothing major just 1 week aboard cheap and cheerful and I want to use some of the savings. He is having none of it saying a year without a holiday won’t hurt us he needs to claw back the money he has spent on the solicitor and we will go next year. I don’t know if I’m more angry or hurt I am full of resentment and I can’t just let it go. Fed up of him calling all the shots! AIBU

It sounds like you are being financially abused to be honest. Stop paying more than your fair share of the bills. Save your own money and choose what to do with it.

Sorry but I think that he is right but it depends on how much he has in savings.

I think he's right. Depending on your savings, this is not the time for a holiday after his court stuff and a driving ban.

Is he working a program?

Are you doing anything to rein in your spending? I mean feeling entitled to a holiday because he fucked up and needed lawyers is not really a good reason to spend after the expense of court.

Go camping for a week.
I can't square what you are saying though. He's in charge of the money, you earn less but are paying more than your share, and he's in debt although he's the one that's good with money? And earns more?
I think it's time you pulled your fingers out of your ears and found out where all the money is and what it's being spent on it and where it's being saved. This doesn't smell right.

Go on your holiday yourself with the kids! He is not the boss of you, marriages are equal. You can do what the hell u want with your part of the money. If he wasn’t so bloody stupid he wouldn’t be in this situation. Memories are better than savings. Enjoy your kids now. Go without him. And show him he is not the lord of the Manor. Sorry but I would not allow anyone tontwll
me if I can or can’t go on holiday when they have stupidly wasted so much of the precious savings. Recharge, relax and look after your mental health. Stress takes a toll especial when you are not the cause of it. Go yourself and give him a taster of what it will be like if he keeps up his bossy shit and loses you completely.

I have always paid more than my fair share of bills
Factual or your opinion?
How old are dc, do you envision going back to work full time??

I just dont get the entitled mindset a person must have to think "we're in the shit, but im entitled to a holiday". Like its on par with running water or electricity

Cut back your payment to a fair amount and save for a holiday.

What do you mean by 'crap with money'? Do you buy what you want when you want for you?

You want to go on holiday, he doesn't. I can't see this is an AIBU to be honest.

I would be more worried abut the criminal charge and what led to it.