To want DS15 to get free of “looksmaxxing” pressures

[Wahey79]

One for parents of teenage sons - has anyone had any success encouraging their DS to think less about facial features and the issues that looksmaxxing makes them worry about? (If you know you know….)

DS15 is healthy looking and handsome (I would say that!), but he currently has quite low self-esteem with regard to his features, and thinks a lot about how he can reduce (non-existent) facial fat etc.

Any tips on what has worked would be really appreciated. I don’t want to presume he’ll grow out of it if there’s more I could be doing now to help him get more perspective. Thank you!

I have a son, he’s just 18. I have no idea what you are talking about?

Why post then? Very unhelpful

Oh Jesus Christ. He’s a similar age. Maybe it’s something I should be aware of?

I’ve never heard of that term.

I'm sorry to hear that. I have a teen son but fortunately he seems unbothered by this as of yet.

It's definitely one to get him out of if you can, but it's still so new I'm not sure there's much information out there.

I think the number one thing to try to steer him towards is - don't listen to men who tell you they know 'what women want'. They want you to be sad and insecure so they can sell your courses, products etc and they will not work. Following this stuff is being a mug. They don't speak for actual real women who are not the capricious creatures these exploiters paint them as.

Looksmaxxing is an incel/red pill thing. Does he really think he fits into those categories at only 15? He’s nowhere near old enough to be considering himself in danger of never being in a relationship.

It's a bit incel adjacent.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Looksmaxxing

Has he been talking about the black pill? Or other concerning terms?

I work with young people and I havent heard a lot of those terms, or any actually now that I think about it

Im not sure I follow the wikipedia page that easily either to be honest.

Thanks, and no, for him it’s not along incel type lines (although I agree that those peddling this stuff are into those aspects too). We’ve talked a lot about those things over the past few years, and I’m happy that’s not taken hold. He thinks the black pill stuff etc is all a bit naff. But he does seem to have taken the stuff about symmetrical/slim faces etc a bit too seriously. 😟

Well so do most girls and women to be honest, why do you think there is a massive market in botox and fillers and contouring make up and brows and lashes etc etc

Its not ok for either sex when its extreme but most people want to make the best of themselves and boys are usually smelly and dirty so they should be looking after

Still to be taken seriously, as it remains a funnel they draw boys and young men in through. But hopefully he can continue to be aware of that cynicism.

The trouble with looksmaxxing is it's not just about 'looking good', it's about 'If you don't look this very specific way, with these very specific facial proportions (e.g. things you usually basically can't change), you will never get laid and are basically worthless', so either get yourself looking that exact way, or accept you're basically slime and will always be miserable. And a lot of it is bonkers - they think women want men with little piggy eyes and stumpy eyelashes because it's 'more masculine' ( uhm, in my experience actual women generally really like a guy with big eyes and long lashes) and so on.

Looksmaxxing is an incel/red pill term. I would be very wary of what he is viewing online. Combined with low self esteem is quite worrying, he's obviously taken on board at least some incel content.

All you can do is reinforce the concept that men peddling these ideas are sad, angry and insecure. Their word is not gospel. You say he doesn't consider it in an incel way, and that's good obviously, but he needs to understand that any content peddling looksmaxxing or similar terms is at least entry level incel territory. Perhaps if he can understand this idea he will stop taking these mens "opinions" on board?

@soupyspoonBoys are smelly and dirty?!

My alpha teenage son was never dirty and smelly. He used to shower three times a day (much to my annoyance steaming the house up!)

Get him away from the internet and a mirror as much as possible. Does he play any sports? Run? Swim? These are more likely to give him a healthy self esteem than browsing forums like reddit.