Nothing going towards a pension

[Miababe]

I'm a SAHM with 3 kids. I am a older Mum with my own Mum who has dementia in a home. My husband has a good income and contributes to his own pension. I am given £300 a month for myself but most of this goes on things for the kids. It concerns me that I am not contributing to a pension and have asked my husband to contribute an equal amount of money to a pension of mine that he does for himself. He says the pension he is putting away is for us when we retire but that concerns me as who knows what will happen between then and now. Am I being unreasonable to think he should contribute to mine as well?

Following as I also have no pension.

YANBU

the future is never promised, if he cant afford 300 each, then its 300 to you until your pot grows to match his, and then its 150 each.

After all, you could divorce. Not saying you will, but who knows what tomorrow brings.

I’m with your husband. It makes far more sense for your DH to pay into his, as there’s no tax advantage for you, plus he’ll presumably be getting employer contributions that you’ll miss out on.

You’ll still be entitled to half of it if you split up.

You are very wise to be concerned - you are a mirror of my friend, now in her 60s, very similar situation when her girls were growing up, a pittance of a pension now - he hasn't taken care of her at all and she's weighing up all options now that the girls are at uni

Related, so worth mentioning:
Are you receiving child benefit in your name? This protects your National Insurance credits which go towards your state pension.

You absolutely need to sort this. There are so many stories on a retirement page I am on of women being widowed and forced to work way beyond state pension age later in life. The state pension is not enough to live on and depending on the type of pension your husband has you won't necessarily get all of it if you divorced in later life. Have you checked what your entitlement to the state pension is? You can do this on gov.uk. If you haven't worked it will be even less.

In fairness to your husband he may be thinking of the tax break on a work pension that you wouldn't get on a private pension if you don't work. If you divorced at least you'd be entitled to half of his pension pot. Will you get an inheritance in due course? If so then make sure this is ring fenced as your pension.

Typo - should say you won't necessarily get all of the pension if your husband was to pass away in later life.

I’m not in this situation myself but at a bare minimum figure out your state pension situation. There’s good info on money saving expert around topping up your annual stamp and NI contributions through child credit. It may be worth making voluntary contributions to address gaps - you ring up with your national insurance number and they document the years missed, cost to recoup and the associated state benefit you’d be entitled to if you topped up.

As a next step, consider private pension. Would ensure you are named as beneficiary to DH’s scheme and that that status is protected in the future. In terms of your own - There are a number of low cost easy to open pensions which could give you some comfort eg Moneybox and others have pension calculations which show that even contributing £100 per month will make a big difference to your pot.

PS - I know LISAs had a bad rap in the media but if you are under 40 and can afford the leave money in it til 60 the 25% match is quite appealing.

I’d be concerned given that you’re a SAHM and don’t have access to his bank account. How come you only get an allowance?

DH puts much more into his pension than I do into mine but I’m not worried as all our money had been shared since we married.

Please even consider a part time job with a workplace pension. Some years are better than none.
One of reasons I wouldn't be a SAHP was I wanted financial independence.
Our friends spilt in later life, she was in a right mess trying to find a job in later life, sort a house, mortgage and then a non existent pension.
Some pensions do not transfer to a spouse so if your DH was to die before retirement you wouldn't see his pension anyway.
Please please try and get even a part time job.
My nan always said to me never depend on any man financially. Something I can hear her say to this day.

For most families it makes more financial sense for the earner to make the bigger pension contributions, from a tax pov (assuming he is a higher rate tax payer and you have no earned income). And you'd have rights to pension sharing in a divorce and he can nominate you as a beneficiary in the event of his death. So you are protected to some extent.

I'm a sahm to a very high earner and his pension contributions are tapered so he can only get a small amount of tax relief. So we put as much as we can into mine, and in other tax advantaged accounts in our separate names. We don't see it as DH paying into my pension - it's paid for out of our joint account, which is all our shared money, and for the benefit of our shared future.

YANBU. For a start, do you know what type of pension your husband has and how it would pass to you in the event of his death?

But my second and more important YANBU is that you are not on board with the current arrangement. In a SAHM situation, it's extra important that the non-earning parent has equal or more access to the finances and all decisions are made together. It doesn't sound like that's happening here. Are your savings all in joint accounts that you have log-ins for (or equally put into ISAs belonging to you and him)?

Another woman with no pension 🙄 In this day and age it beggars belief that people put themselves in this position. Get a job, save for your future, don’t rely on a man to secure your future.

https://www.ftadviser.com/pensions/2023/08/24/three-quarters-unaware-of-possibility-to-contribute-to-partner-s-pension/

This makes most financial sense.

Are you married, or are you using the term as shorthand.

Make sure you have visibility of everything - how much is in what accounts, how much is in which pensions.

Make sure you are named as sole beneficiary on his pensions (or you and your children jointly).

Ensure you have visibility of his will and see your own lawyer to discuss to see how well safeguarded you are.

If your husband disagrees with any of this then he is going against the fundamental tenants of marriage, which it to protect the more financially vulnerable spouse.

Once all that is done … jointly take some tax advice. eg in my family (I am the earner) we still pay £2,880 per year into DH’s pension because there is still 20% tax relief on it regardless of the lack of income. This is tax efficient for us because he then won’t be taxed on it when he withdraws it. He also has other pension pots from the past.

One of the challenges of all pensions being in your DH’s name is that there is no sharing of tax allowance when it is drawn down.

Hi, it makes financial sense for you DH to put it into his. He will get tax savings on any contributions plus employer contribution. If you were to separate you would be presumably entitled to half? I’m not a SAHM but work part time and do have my own pension but as a family we co tribute ALOT more into my DHs as he is a higher earner and the tax obligations mean more is invested.

it depends entirely on what happens to your DH’s pension when he dies. Unless you become a sole full benificary, it does not make financial sense for you, for him to only pay into his own.

For every £ he contributes to his private pension, does his employer also add some money? And the govt gives him his tax back.

If he gave you money to add to your pension fund, can you claim tax back?

It may be better value going in to his fund. Are you his beneficiary if he dies?

The pension is only the start of the issues here.

You can put money into a pension as a non-earner- up to £2880 per annum which will be increased to £3600 through tax relief. Whether this is a better (financial) option that your husband putting more into his pension will depend on his tax rate and whether he would receive additional employer contributions, but the financial benefit is only part of it- there is a lot to be said for having your own pension in your own name (even if your husband would have higher tax relief + contribs on the £2880) as it will increase your independence and options in older age. Yes, you will be entitled to a share of your husband's pension if you divorce but if you don't divorce he will continue to hold the purse strings, and could also choose to nominate someone else to receive the pension on his death.

£300 allowance that gets spent on the children is not enough.

Why don't you have access to money yourself? Does his pay go into his own account? Do you have any oversight of this? Any access or knowledge about savings?

In your shoes I'd want a much clearer idea of the family finances and to be treated as an adult, not a child with an allowance. Decisions about pensions etc should be taken together, not by him alone.

Can you go back to work?

Have you ever had a pension? Personally I'd be speaking to a finance expert to ensure you provide for your old age. Whilst your DH's pension may be sufficient for you both, what if he dies, do you keep getting that pension or does it stop?
Also can you consider
Working when your kids are old enough? It's likely you'll be over 67 before you get your state pension

Get your own job.

He will almost certainly predeceased you and you won't get the same payout after his death. That's even assuming he doesn't leave you.

Are you registered and keeping on top of state pension to ensure you are eligible for full state pension ?
Its really important

www.gov.uk/check-state-pension

Why, in 2025 are women still allowing themselves to be financially dependent on another person?
OP, get a job. Earn your own money snd pay into a pension for you. It will give you far greater choice and freedom in the future.

It makes more financial sense for your husband to contribute due to the tax relief. Are your kids old enough for you to work? If not, how much longer will it be before you can go back to work? Do you have any pension built up from before you became a SAHM?