Wishing my life away.

[momager1]

uggh. I am very lucky in life, that I was able, with my husband, to retire at 55 and move to a caribbean island. I LIVE for my flights to Canada . I never want to live there again (would move home to belfast long before the mess that is Canada) BUT my grandmonsters, my daughter , my sons, all live in Ontario and I am counting down the days to my next trip to see them in September. I live in my fav place in the world, with my (sometimes annoying) lovely husband and my two silly standard poodles, not a care financially, amazing weather year round, but as soon as I get back here in september, I will be watching for my next flight. How do I become content? For context, We have a dedicated bedroom at our daughters home, complete with our own clothes that stay there, so never need luggage, and we own a car that is parked in her garage. We each seperately travel 3x a year up, so our grands see us seperately but every other month. My husband does one week, I always do 2 .I am on my September countdown , but would like to stop looking at Dec/Jan flights. Daughter and son in law and their 2 always come here in March school break, One son , single, comes a couple times but stays on a resort and just visits as he likes the party atmosphere, other son never comes as our daughter in law has a very serious heat issue (she really does, lovely person and we love her, but the heat brings her out in massive hives) I just need to stop wishing my life away

You need to have things to look forward to were you live. Is there local theatre/music venues? Have you got regular interests/hobbies? What about Christmas Markets in the UK? etc.

Soubds to me like family is more important to you than location.
Move to Canada!

I agree with @Swiftie1878 you need to work out what is important to you. And it sounds like it is clearly spending time with your family. What's the point of living on a Caribbean island if the things/people that make you happy aren't there. From what you say, there is nothing stopping you moving to Canada.

I think that maybe a move back to canada with just holidays here may be the right thing to do, but however , my husband would strongly disagree, I am the one that pushed to retire and move here, he is content here as his best friend of 30 years also lives here and has been here for over 20 yrs. I have started very recently involving myself in womens expat groups and have started making friends, so maybe that will help. I have been very lonely and have been living for my trips to Canada, and canadian friends and family visits to us. I need to get more involved in the community here and maybe that will make the difference. I do prefer my actual day to day life here, just miss the grandmonsters so much, but they are teens now and really do not need a babysitter unless parents are on holiday abroad and need a sensible (ya right lol) adult with them

the flight to UK is double the flight time to Canada. 9 hours to 9.5, I can be in Canada in just over 4 hrs flight, so will not do a trip to UK anytime soon, have my family in Belfast and Bangor NI that I love, but my grands are my priority. I am starting to get to know people here in Punta Cana, and I think that may really help. Just not party people, so finding people like us is hard, most come here to get off their faces and party hard.

You’re missing them. It’s as simple as that. ❤️

I feel a bit suffocated on behalf of your family tbh. It's quite hard having people visiting for chunks of time quite regularly. Could you talk to your children honestly about whether this works for them? I feel like you need something else in your life.

thank you. That made me cry a little, but a good cry. You are right. I also am probably struggling a bit as they no longer "need" me as the kids get older. I owned my business in canada and was able to work around babysitting my monsters, I now get whattsap daily from them (they are fantastic teens and I am the COOL gramma, or as they call me GMA) I know that if we actually moved back, I would not be living with them , our bedroom in their home is lovely, but I need my own kitchen and my own space if actually living there full time. , So having us back.. I would probably see them less than I do now.

I get it. I also offer to go other places as I have friends to visit . I do not stay at our son's, only daughters. Canada is stupid expensive now, I pay a yearly amount for rent of the bedroom, I also buy all the food and do all the cooking when I am there. Our daughter gets excited when I come (not so much her dad, but he buys alot of pizza) because she gets 2 weeks off cooking and cleaning. I have asked her to be honest with us, if it ever gets too much as quite willing to get an airbnb. Son in law loves me because, unlike my daughter, I pack him a lunch each day LOL

also. I wanted to go up to Canada first week of august instead of sept, but my daughter asked me not to, as my son in law has several family members that will be visiting from out of province during august and they need our bedroom. No problem, no offense taken by me, and I know that the amount I give them per year for that room and a parking spot for car, goes straight into an account for our grands. I will not say my daughter is my best friend, she is not.I am her mother not her bestie. She is my fav person though and my first born, and would do anything for her dad and I, but we do not ask for much ever (never asked for the bedroom, was going to buy a small apartment near them for trips up and my son in law and daughter got very offended that we would not just stay with them) WE insisted on paying rent for the bedroom, they decided to put that rent into savings for the kids.

It sounds like you’re realising that life moves on and you have an oppty to explore new hobbies, passions etc in the Caribbean. I wonder if there are any social enterprise or volunteering to get stuck into either with new friends or together with DH?
It’s great (if a bit sad) that you realise the GCs will start to have a diff relationship w you, and likely before you know it you’ll be a destination to a whole new generation!

omg, you are so right, my granddaughter has a little job now and is saving, she says that maybe next summer she will come for the whole 8 week break. My grandson, (autistic,sweetest person ever met) says...ya gma.. I will come too.. ask papa to pay for my plane ride? and will you make me pizza every day? I went on my first night out 2 nights ago, women in punta cana social group. I had a fantastic time, good food, and met a few lovely ladies that I think may be a start to a social network here. It is all my own fault for not putting myself out there before now.

It sounds like we might live in the same place!

I only see my family once a year but always keen to travel and get away from this small island.

I am in Punta Cana, Dominican Republic, if it is the same place, let me know

@momager1 Bless you. It’s just simple old-fashioned love isn’t it x

What are your plans for when the DGC are older, that night only be ten or even fewer years away? Start planning to enjoy that life meanwhile

Imo, there is no place on earth that would be better than the place my people were. I'd pick being part of their day to day ahead of the best climate and views in the world. So in your shoes I'd flip it the other way. I'd live in Ontario and visit the Carribbean regularly.