how would this make you feel?

[onceuponastar87]

For context: SIL lives in America and came back last month with new boyfriend in tow. In laws threw her a massive gathering, mainly family and friends. In laws live in Bristol and we live in Kent so travelled up and stayed for the weekend to attend.

FIL makes a big speech and says about how I am like their second daughter within that speech. Thought nothing more of it.

Later on in the evening I'm sitting with my SIL, her boyfriend, my DH cousin and auntie and a couple of family friends

SIL turns around to me and says "remember your place. I'm no.1" at first I just laughed cause I thought surely a 42 year old woman cannot be seriously saying this. But she just kept repeating it. In the end I got up and left and moved somewhere else.

I'm shocked and tbh hurt. I dont have a great relationship with my in laws due to my MIL trying to ruin my wedding (despite rhe fact they now say I'm their 2nd daughter) and I just dont want anything to do with any of them tbh. I can't be bothered. Am I overreacting?

I’d just think she’s a dick and move on. She’ll be gone again soon. Don’t get involved in her circus.

The older I get, the more I realise ‘let them’ is the way forward. You’re not going to change them so just let them get on with their pettiness and keep your distance. Save your energy for those you care about.

Why do you care? You don’t like them and she lives in America and will be going home soon.

Be polite, do bare minimum and don’t give it a second’s thought! She’s probably just a bit jealous that you spend more time with her family since she lives far away.

It’s weird, especially coming from an adult. But I think it might help if you think of this as being nothing to do with you. This is all about her and her insecurities.

Just roll your eyes and say ‘duly noted’ and then remember that she’ll be off soon and you won’t have to deal with her silliness again for years. And in the meantime, you’ve got in laws who clearly think the world of you.

Ignore it, it’s her issue.

It’s a bit off for FIL to say that about you in a speech meant to be about her, she is probably sick of hearing about how wonderful you are.

I think not wanting anything to do with any of them over your SIL comment is ridiculous, however there is clearly a backstory so maybe you should have already dropped them out?

She might just be feeling protective of her parents and that’s ok. I had an issue with my Dads stepdaughter (although he never actually married her mum) I realised I was jealous and actually I should have been proud that she sees my Dad like a Dad; it says a lot about him. I no longer feel like she is trying to ‘steal’ my Dad but your SIL might be feeling this?

Did you actually address what she said ‘of course you are, I’d never try to take your place’?? Or did you just leave her hanging?

I'd think my sister in law was a sad, pathetic, deeply insecure individual, I'd feel sorry for her and a little embarrassed for her, and then move on with my life.

I know I'd do those things because I've got one of these SIL's too. She has said multiple times to my face that she's the favourite daughter in law. I don't care because I don't measure my worth based on how many people like me "the mostest" because I'm not in primary school anymore. As long as my husband likes me the best I couldn't give a fuck about the rest of his family.

It reflects badly on her, not you. Try not to take it personally, honestly.

Sounds like she's feeling some feelings about being absent from her family while overseas, and is threatened by you. Not sure about the point of mentioning you in the speech at her welcome back party, but that's not on you either.

Let them get on with it, keep your distance, it was weird and juvenile for her to have said this once, let alone repated it, but staying away shouldn't be too hard once she's gone back to the states.

It’s a hurt response. I think in her position, I can understand her feeling a bit hurt to hear her dad refer to his daughter-in-law as a second daughter at her own homecoming party. Living abroad can be hard, even if you’ve chosen it: you know you don’t have the same closeness, physically and inevitably often emotionally, to your family that you would if you lived close by, and to hear your family acknowledge that out loud is obviously going to be difficult. It may have felt to her like a dig from her dad - “we’ve got somebody new in your place now.” You got the brunt of it, when perhaps it’s FIL’s error of judgment.

It’s fine to be a bit upset yourself, whilst trying to put yourself in her shoes.

She's being ridiculous.

Don't engage.

You did the right thing moving off.

If she says again, just say, "But of course you are. Don't be silly." And move off somewhere else again.