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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

52 years old 3rd mini stroke

13 replies

Lonelydave · 21/07/2025 10:28

Is it unreasonable for me to feel so scared and so alone? I have to do some very serious life changing things and I am scared, worried and feel so alone

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AnonymousBleep · 21/07/2025 10:31

A friend just had a stroke at the age of 52 - he is (or we thought) fit and healthy. Turns out he had an undetected hole in the heart, which is a lot more common than people realise. Will be on medication for life but it's good it was caught now and so can be treated. Chin up! Make sure the health services take you seriously and get your heart checked out.

Thedoorisalwaysopen · 21/07/2025 10:45

Our friend had a mild heart attack followed by two strokes aged 50. He was doing his 10th London marathon and is now quadriplegic, having intense therapy to regain some form of quality of life. He was the fittest guy I know. So agree with PP - make sure you get taken seriously.

MatildaTheCat · 21/07/2025 10:48

It sounds very frightening. What life changing things do you have to do and can you say what is scaring you the most? It’s sometimes easier to break your worries into chunks and look at them separately rather than one huge worry.

mbosnz · 21/07/2025 11:43

I had a stroke just over a year ago, aged 52. It is very scary, and life changing.

What are the changes you need to make?

Ponoka7 · 21/07/2025 11:46

What investigations are you having? They need to rule out a brain tumour. They didn't with my DH and the cancer was too advanced before they properly tried to diagnose him.

Lonelydave · 21/07/2025 12:39

It's mainly lifestyle changes, stopping the booze and the cigs

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EBearhug · 21/07/2025 12:52

Ex had a stroke at 37. Now 56, he's also had a leg amputated. This is all down to cigarettes.

But there are support groups around, and you can change, do more exercise and so on. Ask your medical team about what support is available- they should be able to help.

mbosnz · 21/07/2025 12:53

I stopped the booze, thankfully didn't need to stop smoking though!

It's very daunting. I didn't stop drinking immediately, it took a bit for me to accept that, for a million and one reasons, I had to stop, I wanted to stop. It's that WANTING, yourself, to stop, that is very necessary to your success.

It's also hard to let go of the resentment, I found, that I had to stop, and others didn't - it wasn't faaaaaair!

I'd suggest that if you are stopping, don't necessarily stop both at once. Oh yes, and the first 100 days are a bitch.

Is your GP able to offer any ideas for help and support?

PermanentTemporary · 21/07/2025 12:55

This is really tough, I’m sorry to hear it. Please do get in touch with Different Strokes and the Stroke Association, they are great organisations. Also your GP etc should be referring you for support with quitting smoking and drinking - please take all the support that’s offered.

I hope one day soon you will look back from your enjoyable life and wonder why you ever smoked or drank. There are lots of good times ahead.

Lonelydave · 21/07/2025 13:27

mbosnz · 21/07/2025 12:53

I stopped the booze, thankfully didn't need to stop smoking though!

It's very daunting. I didn't stop drinking immediately, it took a bit for me to accept that, for a million and one reasons, I had to stop, I wanted to stop. It's that WANTING, yourself, to stop, that is very necessary to your success.

It's also hard to let go of the resentment, I found, that I had to stop, and others didn't - it wasn't faaaaaair!

I'd suggest that if you are stopping, don't necessarily stop both at once. Oh yes, and the first 100 days are a bitch.

Is your GP able to offer any ideas for help and support?

Thanks, I am wanting to stop, I am also ex services so I am reaching out and stuff is in place. I am just crying every five minutes....

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mbosnz · 21/07/2025 16:28

Good on you for reaching out - that in itself is one big scary job!

The other thing (that I'd wish someone had told me, you might find it relevant, you might not!), is that having a stroke is basically having a rather nasty knock on the noggin, and it doesn't just magically come right.

I found that my emotions were all over the show (crying every five minutes for example!), I was tired, I had really been hit where it hurts when it came to my self perception, and sense of self worth. Not to mention, there were so many little things that were so much harder to do than they had been.

It took me over a year to come around to any sort of sense of right.

So, be very, very, gentle and kind to yourself, won't you? Give yourself so much credit for your efforts, let alone your results, allow yourself grace with the days where having a shower is an achievement. It's all hard work that you're doing, and some days are so much harder than others!

Lonelydave · 21/07/2025 18:14

Thanks to every one who has said so positive things! It's been really amazing xx. I am also dealing with PTSD and bipolar so it's just another one thing on top of the other at the moment, but lots of help is being offered and being accepted

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UncertainPerson · 21/07/2025 19:00

The alcohol free threads here are fantastic. There are a couple of different ones for cutting down of abstaining. Someone is usually on Mn during the evening or night to talk to. You might think about joining one.

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