Lazy f**ker

[Deedeedoe]

Partner has just retired. Good for them. Through out our relationship, 35 years, I have done the lions share of domestic chores and worked part-time while our kids were young. I ve also cared for elderly relatives, alone (only child) for the last.4.years terminally/chronically ill. Partner has a sibling who does the most caring for their parents , who fortunately live independently. I m not doing everything anymore. I ve explained this, very clearly.and pleasantly. But I ve come up againt resistant almost immediately. I always order the shopping online. I said ,"why don't you do it" and he's gone off in a huff. AIBU

He probably has no idea what needs to be done . It's like saying to a child to clean their room . Too abstract for his comprehension. Lists need to be done . I know it sounds like I'm suggesting you "train " him but I had the same issue with my retired DH . It needed to be pointed out . I also left the house to care for my friend but had a task to be done ready for him . Also asked his plans for the day and golf , etc .was OK but he needed to also do XYZ by a certain time .
It is a difficult transition time for both of you. If you really feel that there is no compromise then perhaps it is time to consider if you want to stay together.

Thanks everyone, food for thought

Well she is free to leave… nobody is suggesting she shouldn’t. But she isn’t asking if she should leave. I’m sure she can take all comments and decide for herself.

If she's hostile its because she can see him doing sfa for the foreseeable while she continues to do the lion's share which is unfair.

It's not like he's incapable.

Come on, telling him to do the on-line shopping is just petty. Probably takes you 5-10mins (thats what it takes me) and you'll only moan when he doesnt do it your way way, because i know i would!!

Absolutely though get him doing other stuff!

Is there any division of labour, or he does nothing? Does he look after cars, do the heavy gardening, house decoration, etc, or nothing?

Anything to do with a car, karcher, lawn mower or power tools is not 'labour' for men. HTH

Come on. Take time to what? Learn how to do stuff a child/teenager can do?

To get into the habit of doing it. Yes it’s stupid, but that’s the life OP has chosen for the last 35 years and whether it’s silly or not, that’s the way it is, clearly, otherwise this thread wouldn’t be here.

Sometimes people want to be told precisely what you want them to do.
I would literally write down a list of jobs he will do and what jobs you will do. Don't do a daily rota of it, just a simple - all washing up is for you to do and please don't let it sit around festering.. All cooking is for me to do.. We both decide meals and write shopping lists etc. A specific plan.
I would announce it excitedly saying that you are looking forward to having household equality and that if he is not prepared to commit to it he can tell you now or swap some jobs now so that you can consider if you want your retirement to look like what he is offering you.
Firm but honest and if possible friendly, goodluck with your future, it may work out!

My Dad took an early retirement at age 56, and I was stunned to see he learned to do the laundry and make a decent (not fancy) dinner for my working Mom. He could see it wasn't right for him to do nothing while she was working..... even if you are not working, it should be obvious that one person doesn't just skive off and watch someone else run around like crazy.