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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Not adding second wife to the deeds of our new house

110 replies

Nancygrewnotdrew · 20/07/2025 14:10

Would it bother you if your husband didn't want to add you to the deeds of our house, if you both have children from previous marriages?

A friend is in this situation: , her DH doesn't want to add her to the deeds as he wants the house to go directly to his children. She is upset, which I can understand, although she won't be contributing to the purchase or running of house.

Is my friend being unreasonable?

OP posts:
GiveDogBone · 26/07/2025 18:15

dammit88 · 20/07/2025 14:11

If they are married I don’t think it makes a difference does it?

Spot on. I’m totally amazed at the number of posts on MN that reference names being on house deeds, etc. But if you are married (not just living together) it makes no difference in the case of a divorce. The family home has special status in law.

Musicaltheatremum · 26/07/2025 18:28

I remarried aged 58. My husband isn't on the deeds. My house will go to my children. He sold his house and has invested the money so could buy somewhere if he needed. He is also inheriting from his parents.(Mum dead and dad aged 97 and at end of life now though we may have care home fees to pay!) I do have that he has the right to remain after I die if I go first but just for 5 years. His children will inherit from him...well they will if he redoes the will which he still hasn't after he married me!! I would honour his wishes of his previous will though as I am better off than him at the moment.

I'm doing some big renovations on the house and am paying for them all.

If we downsize he would buy with me and I would give my kids money from the sale now.

Coconutter24 · 26/07/2025 18:36

LimeQuoter · 20/07/2025 14:23

It's her husband. I would be upset. Hes at ease because his biological kids will be taken care off. He's not concerned about hers if he's not thinking of a plan for that. I know they're her kids but they are married and it shows that it's not a problem for him if they're not provided for in the future. In that case, she needs to do some thinking from her perspective and act on whats right for her and her kids. I personally think it's a bit sad that they have to separate their kids like that. In my opinion, if they married, the future security of all the kids should be taken into account

What if they’ve got their own dad to leave them an inheritance?

salsapasta · 26/07/2025 19:49

if it's the matrimonial house she can have a claim on it or his estate especially if she has no income and he supports her. Would need more details like when was he house purchased etc

Stillwater001 · 27/07/2025 06:33

What happens in the scenario she lives in the house for 10 years or some decent amount of time to feel like 'home' and he dies? She could be pushed from the only home she knows by his children (no matter what he says they will do).

He can set things up legally to ensure she will be able to stay in their 'home' in the event of his demise until she dies at which point the house assets can be distributed how they both agree.

PrettyPickle · 27/07/2025 18:17

Tricky question and really need more information to say.

You don't mention age of the couple or the children and where these children from previous relationships live. She may not be contributing financially to the purchase or maintenance of the house but is that because his kids live with them and she is looking after them?

So if he leaves this to his kids, as soon as he dies, she becomes homeless - that seems tough if they are married. There are ways she can be protected from that i.e placing the house in Trust so she can live there until she dies if he passes first and then the house goes to his kids?

My Dad left my Mum and remarried, he brought the property to the 2nd marriage and financially supported them both, she never worked and was a housewife although none of us kids or hers lived with them. When they moved house she was put on the deeds.

They had mirror Wills sharing the money between the children from his and her previous marriages when the 2nd one of them died. Dad died first, so the ownership of the house passed to her and we three, his kids, never got to see a penny of his estate because stepmum changed her Will before she died. Her kids got everything.

Having said that, this is my husbands second marriage and he has kids from his previous marriage. He brought significant equity to the marriage so when we bought our first home together, we didn't need a mortgage but for years my income has contributed to the maintenance and upgrade to our home, paid for holidays etc.

We now own the house together as he added me to the deeds, it made me feel valued, trusted, accepted and longterm! We also have mirror Wills so we basically did exactly the same as my Dad and stepmum. We have discussed seeing a financial advisor to look at the split of ownership of the house but ultimately, that could leave the last of us standing, homeless. But it could also help protect us from care home fees.

Without more information, its difficult to say what she should do

LimeQuoter · 28/07/2025 09:17

Coconutter24 · 26/07/2025 18:36

What if they’ve got their own dad to leave them an inheritance?

Yes, that's true but sadly in a lot of cases they wouldn't. I just don't like the thought of them having no where to go if anything happened and chances are she's been through enough with her ex and being a single mum for awhile. Since they're married I think sorting out security for them would be a good idea. I think he should be interested in discussing it at the very least. It is his wife after all. And no, it's not all on him either but they should sort out something

Skybluepinky · 30/07/2025 12:54

She isn’t paying so should save the equivalent of paying a mortgage so she has security.
It often happens with marriages with children from different relationships, but it will depends what is in hill will to what will happen, often they allow their partner to stay until they die but the house is the dead parents children.

Shnuzzbucket · 30/07/2025 13:51

Trovindia · 21/07/2025 18:54

You missed the point spectacularly.

No, I don't think I have

You're saying she should not pay towards her living costs, and not do any housework....?

Trovindia · 30/07/2025 16:33

Shnuzzbucket · 30/07/2025 13:51

No, I don't think I have

You're saying she should not pay towards her living costs, and not do any housework....?

No. You have missed the point. I'm saying she will be contributing to the house at least via housework because I know there's no way he will be doing all that himself.

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