work related worries

[alicejames]

Hi, I have posted before about issues at work and I thought I would update on other issues which have come up. I was previoulsy accused of things I hadnt done at work and it seriously affeted my mental health. I thought myself and 1 work colleague become friends and we confided in eachother about our issues. She then betrayed me and told everyone what I had said but didnt tell them what she had said.
after this happeneded my colleagues kind of ganged up against me> I have overheard them on many occasions bitching aboit eachother but they have all accused me of saying things I havent and when i tried to defend myself they all clubbed together to ostracise me. I absolutely DID confide in the colleague I thought was my friend and told her about issues i had with the people I work with but I have now been deemed the office trouble maker. This has absolutely devestated me as I know the others have bitched and moaned about each other but they have all decided to join together to soley accuse me and to say they are all completely innocent. The colleague who i thought was my friend had shown me messages which were colleeagues were slagging me off. When i mentioned this to my manager he was so angry as he said the colleagues who were calling me names whould be 'very upset' to know they had been found out. He never asked how I was feeling about it. The whole team have started doing several hobbies together and I havent been invited to any of the activities or socials they have recently started organising (I am the only one not asked).

I can barely function and have had to have counselling due to my anxiety. I am absolutely ok to admit I did have a bit of a rant about the work situation I was in to my 'friend' but I honestly cant get my head round the fact that none of the others are willing to admit their role in the office gossip and awful culture. I am completely ostracised in our office now and when I walk in the staff room, they fall completely silent until I leave and i can hear them start talking again. I am terrified of my manager who i fall completely silent around. I have so much to say about what the others have been doing and saying behind eachothers backs and I want to say how hurt and angry I am that I have been labelled as something I am not and I feel bullied and harassed but he has made it clear if i even hint at any of this, he will make life really hard for me and he would never take my side anyway. I work in a small school office and I feel sick at the thought of going in tomorrow. I am nearly 40 and I have neber had issues with work colleagues before and this has floored me.

This sounds like mobbing and I have been through something similar. I would advise to speak to someone like a union rep if you can. If you can leave, please do. Your manager sounds like a complete nightmare and he will make your life hell to defend the indefensible. I wish you well x

Thank you for responding, I have bever heard of mobbing but i will look it up. I struggle to get my head round what has happeneded. Some of my colleagues have been terrible to eachother and often openly slag off our manager when he is not around - i just dont understand it, why does he defend these people while treating me with complete disdain

You have lost the trust of colleagues, by I am sorry to say b**ing to the colleague you had trusted. Your message sounds very me me me.

Have you apologised for what your backstabbing colleague leaked? Apologise, move on and treat work as work not as a social club. It will soon die down.

Wow...hope you never get bullied at work and feel like this op is feeling

Workplace problems never get resolved if people aggrieved look for others to change and bend to them. They only ever change when people take personal responsibility and accountability and consideration for others.

I have had to endure a bullying member in the workplace for well over a year, been to a therapist also. OP admits to back biting, the right thing to do is to own it.

Sounds like the op has owned it, the problem is, her colleagues haven't owned their part in it and blamed her entirely. That is completely unacceptable and as someone who has been severely bullied at work i totally sympathise, and i cant see where this op has said she wanted people to bend to her.

As it happens, I did apologise as I was mortified by the whole situation. I am still waiting for my apology from the colleagues who were messaging each other slagging me off and accusing me of things I have not said and done. By the way, my apology fell on deaf ears and was not acknowledegd at all - guess it didnt fit into the image of me some people have created - i wish you well x

I think there is very little point in trying to apportion "blame" for what has happened here - the OP has their side of the story and others have another version. But this seems to be a relatively small workplace, so I don't think it will "die down".

And I am not convinced that any form of grievance will do anything except make things worse.

Sorry OP - I think you need to find a new job. It was very unwise to complain about your work to a new colleague - basically someone you do not know and should not have trusted so easily. You continued to trust her and speak to her despite having been told not to speak to her by your manager, and you were still believing that she wasn't saying what your manager said she did. Of course she said it all. Why would they all be lying?

I know that in your previous thread you had a lot of people saying your manager and colleagues were at fault, and perhaps they were at fault to a degree. But I have come across her type before. New employee, mental health problems, befriends one person who is perhaps a little naive, gets all the gossip, makes up some more, goes off sick, blames colleague for her sickness and all the trouble because she's hoping to get a bit of a payout ....

It's poor form to gossip in work about colleagues at all, but 200 people will come along in a minute to say that it happens all the time. And they are right, It does. And is then responsible for this kind of situation. Best not to gossip, and if you must, practice only nice comments. Make friends not at work - it's hard enough making and trusting friends at all, but you can't easily walk away from work like you can friends outside work.

This all sounds very childish. It astonishes me what goes on in some workplaces.

I don't think it's fixable now OP so I think you'd be best off looking for another job.

In that case OP you are working with an unprofessional bunch which are unlikely to change. At the very least they could try to make amends. Start looking for another job, it is not worth the mental toll and sleeplessness nights trying to fix this mess.
My apologies to you for misunderstanding.