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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Son damaged car - liability?

11 replies

Frowaway · 20/07/2025 08:40

My partner of 3 years was looking after my two children yesterday at a birthday party whilst I was out. He's been in their lives for 2 years and is essentially a step parent.
My 4 year old son picked up a stone stone and scratched DPs sisters brand new car. He's never done anything like that before, he's never even drawn on walls or anything - he claims another child told him to, although I can't be sure as I wasn't there.
Obviously I'm mortified and have said I'll pay for any damages.
However, when I spoke to DP about us sorting out the finances for it, he has made it clear he doesn't think he has any accountability or responsibility for it.
AIBU to think that as the responsible adult in charge, and if he sees us as a family, he should also contribute?
If I was looking after his daughter and she damaged something, I would absolutely feel responsible.

OP posts:
NaranjaDreams · 20/07/2025 08:47

Where was DP?

Not that it matters, but if he had his eyes off your 4 year old long enough he could scratch a car that was presumably outside, I’d be concerned about that.

Add in that he doesn’t feel that you’re blended enough that he should contribute to damage done by your son under his watch, and… I’d be questioning whether you’re on the same team at all.

MyCyanReader · 20/07/2025 08:54

He was in charge of the children and wasn't keeping an eye on a 4 year old. Id question what the 4 year old was doing unsupervised near a car!

whistlesandbells · 20/07/2025 20:40

Agree with the other posters asking where your partner was while it was happening. But with regards to financial responsibility, and this depends on whether you are a joint household too, it’s on you to pay for the damage your child did.

Stripeyanddotty · 20/07/2025 20:44

However, when I spoke to DP about us sorting out the finances for it, he has made it clear he doesn't think he has any accountability or responsibility for it.

He has also made it quite clear that he takes zero responsibility for anything to do with your children.
It’s up to you to decide how you proceed.

Yabberwok · 20/07/2025 20:48

whistlesandbells · 20/07/2025 20:40

Agree with the other posters asking where your partner was while it was happening. But with regards to financial responsibility, and this depends on whether you are a joint household too, it’s on you to pay for the damage your child did.

That unfortunately is the case. As you are the parent it falls to you, unless your partner is a member of your household...ie he lives there permanently and you can prove that.

Thankfully your home contents insurance may well (should if you have decent insurance) cover it.

Your partner on the other hand is a cunt I'd be getting shot....what a wanker

244milesnorth · 20/07/2025 20:53

Your child your responsibility I’m afraid. As his mother it’s your job to raise him so that he doesn’t go around damaging property because someone apparently told him to. And yes I’ve raised 4 year olds myself

Bitzee · 20/07/2025 20:55

Doesn’t think he has any accountability or responsibility just about sums it up and it doesn’t sound like that’s just in relation to the finances. It’s terrifying that a 4YO was outside around cars without adequate supervision. It’s a blessed relief that only some paintwork got damaged, he could have been knocked over and killed if anyone was actually driving/parking at the time. It happened on your partner’s watch and as a result of his negligence so he should fully reimburse his sister for the damage. And if I were you I’d also be having a good long think about whether this man is really stepdad material.

Coventgardengirl · 20/07/2025 20:56

Why wasn’t he supervising him ? Seems you have more problems than a damaged car

BlueyNeedsToFuckOff · 20/07/2025 21:04

At that age I’d expect the person who was (failing to) supervise the child when they did the damage to make some kind of financial contribution, if not offer to pay the whole thing. Even more so if they live as part of the household.

It would definitely make me look more closely at whether there are any other areas in the relationship that are less than great.

SandrenaIsMyBloodType · 21/07/2025 09:34

I do think he’s morally also responsible but, in the end, the buck stops with you. This is going to provide you with some really useful information about whether he actually sees himself as a step-parent to your children- and the signs are not good. He doesn’t think your children are his shared responsibility. Arguably he doesn’t even keep a decent eye on the when he’s supposed to be looking after them. There are lots of more dangerous things that an older kid could have tried to manipulate your 4 year old into doing. Is you DP generally protective of his own money? Does he live with you and your children?
I’m afraid I think he’s demonstrating that he’s not adequate stepfather material. When things get tough, their your kids and nothing to do with him.

pilates · 22/07/2025 09:18

I would pay for the damage but question your partner’s capability to look after your child in the future.

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