Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

AIBU to be annoyed with husband and tradesman's behaviour.

14 replies

Sam9769 · 20/07/2025 07:53

Just wondering what you think of this.

Tradesman came yesterday to give us a quote for doing a patio.
There is currently a small ramp and I asked him to put a step instead.
He made a face and said that he didn't think that that was a good idea because
if a step was put in, I'd soon want it taken out and replaced with a ramp again.
He was obviously talking about my declining years. I'm 61.

Later, he was about to take some measurements and I asked him if he needed help measuring. When he said no, my husband said "She's good with holding the end of a measuring tape". to which he replied "You need a bit of weight at the end of the tape". My husband responded by having a good laugh.
I do need to loose weight and was talking to my husband recently about joining slimming world so this comment and my husband's response really upset me.

For information, I can do more than hold the end of a measuring tape. I just finished painting a room in our house including the ceiling and stripping all the wall paper in the sitting room and hall. I have several more rooms to do. I. am partially retired and work two days per week.I hold two degrees. My husband is retired and not in receipt of any pension yet. I arrange for all the tradespeople to come to the house to get jobs done. My husband doesn't initiate anything.
I am really upset at both of them and feel fat and old which is mad because so far I'm in good health and that's all that really matters.

Am I overreacting? Was it just a bit of fun or are they two cheeky fuckers.

OP posts:
BlueJuniper94 · 20/07/2025 07:55

I'd be upset and angry too.

Agix · 20/07/2025 08:05

You're not overreacting at all. The tradesman shouldn't have been so sexist and rude, and your husband should have stood up for you.

AgnesX · 20/07/2025 08:07

He's maybe got a point about the ramp (said as one who recently has started to eye "future proofing" her home) but the comments about your weight are downright rude.

Your DH sounds like a waste of space, I presume he has other plus points apart from being a prat?

BellissimoGecko · 20/07/2025 08:09

Christ. Rude tradesman - that’s one job he won’t get!

And your h should have stood up for you.

I’d be having a sharp word with him, telling him that he hurt you and making sure he improved his behaviour. You deserve better.

Lindy2 · 20/07/2025 08:14

I wouldn't be using this tradesman. Why would you want him back in your home for several days after being rude like this.

I take it you're the one arranging and paying for this. Even if you weren't I'd be looking for another quote from someone with a more professional approach.

The step / ramp choice - at 61 it might be over 20 years before you need a ramp. My mum in her late 80s is perfectly OK with steps. If you want a step have a step.

The comments about your weight were rude and unacceptable.

chunkybear · 20/07/2025 08:15

That would irk me too! And no pension .... seems he needs to look after you if he's a kept man 😋
I'd agree about a ramp though as I've recently gone downhill fast with my joints/tendons so struggle more with stairs, but it's personal preference ... and he might not like doing steps 😉

stayathomer · 20/07/2025 08:17

Jesus! When he said you need a bit of weight I thought he meant for some reason you were too petite! What a frigging asshole! I get the ramp thing only because my mum is regretting her steps big time now and I’m looking at ours thinking in the future/ in the case of an accident we’re going to be in trouble

Sam9769 · 20/07/2025 08:19

The ramp wasn't even to enter the house. It's a small ramp from the garden to a path that leads to the door. There's a large step in front of the door. He didn't mention changing this to a ramp! Fortunately, physically I'm perfectly able and would have been able to execute a karate style kick to the said tradesman's private parts if I had thought of it at the time!!

OP posts:
ThreePointOneFourOneFiveNine · 20/07/2025 08:24

As others have said, not gaslighting, but still nasty. Obviously don’t use that builder. Have you spoken to you DH about it?

Sam9769 · 20/07/2025 08:28

DH did apologise but he was still laughing!!

OP posts:
doneandone · 20/07/2025 08:36

Very rude. I wouldn't hire the tradesman, As for dh, I'd be fuming.

DonnyBurrito · 20/07/2025 08:39

Don't use that builder. But I'd also say that offering to help him with the end of the measuring tape is a bit unnecessary... Unless he was really clearly struggling with it, but then that would be another reason not use him.

Being able to measure something without help is a pretty integral part of being a tradie. Maybe he thought you were implying he was incompetent by offering to help, so had a little dig at you to make you feel silly too. Or maybe he's just a bolshy, misogynistic twat. That also seems to be an integral part of being a tradie.

Either way, he's not someone you should invite back into your home.

1apenny2apenny · 20/07/2025 09:07

I would have told him there and then to stop measuring as you wouldn’t be using him, then just walked off. To be honest I’ve had so many bad experiences with workmen that I avoid them as much as possible.

Francestein · 20/07/2025 09:13

is tradesman self employed? I would consider getting other quotes when DH isn’t home.

New posts on this thread. Refresh page
Swipe left for the next trending thread