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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Am I being unreasonable about my husband's constant criticism when it comes to our child?

9 replies

Minimapple · 19/07/2025 23:20

I need some perspective because I'm honestly at my wit's end. We have an 18-month-old child and I do pretty much everything when it comes to caring for her — feedings, naps, putting her to bed, comforting her through multiple night wakings (she doesn’t sleep through the night yet) and more. I haven’t had a proper night’s sleep since she was born. My husband sleeps in a separate room because of this.

He works full-time, and while he does play with her sometimes, I’m the one managing all the day-to-day care.

Lately (or honestly, for quite a while), he's constantly making comments and criticising what I do. For example, I was handing our toddler a slice of pizza at the table, and he goes, “Give her some space.” Then I step into the kitchen, come back, and he has another comment ready. This happens a lot — little digs or unsolicited advice, said like he's the expert, even though he’s not the one doing the bulk of the work.

Another time, she hadn’t eaten since lunch (which had been over six hours earlier) and I said I’d offer her some food again. He said, “There’s no point, she’s not hungry.” Of course, she was hungry and ate well. But he says things like this often and it drives me mad. He brushes it off like it’s no big deal, but it feels like he's constantly undermining me or questioning my judgment.

Meanwhile, when she’s with him and doesn’t eat, it doesn’t seem to bother him at all. But for me, I care — I want to make sure she eats and is well cared for.

I try to brush it off, but sometimes I completely lose it and get really mad. It just feels so unfair and exhausting.

So, my question is: Am I being unreasonable for getting this upset when he makes these kinds of comments?

Thanks

OP posts:
Sailing8 · 19/07/2025 23:25

YANBU - he sounds like an absolute arse. Have you sat down with him and had a (calm but firm) conversation about his attitude?

OriginalUsername2 · 19/07/2025 23:34

Maybe a little bit? Lack of sleep makes anyone infuriating.

Maray1967 · 19/07/2025 23:43

No, he’s being an idiot. Don’t get upset, though. Wait until baby is in bed and then give him both barrels. ‘Why on earth are you making these little comments? You have no idea when she last ate, have you? I know she is hungry because I know when she last ate. Pack it in.’

The less direct option would be a barrage of passive aggressive comments while he’s making his little digs. Petty, maybe, but I have a now divorced friend who had a similarly stupid H and she did something like this:

‘What is silly Daddy on about? Of course you’re hungry. Mummy knows you’re hungry because she knows you last ate at x o’clock and Daddy has no idea when you last ate.’

He used to storm off and it didn’t mend their marriage, but she was past caring.

Minimapple · 20/07/2025 08:34

I feel awful after I get angry, but in the moment, it’s like I can’t stop it. I really do try my best with our child and his comments feel hurtful and undermining. When I try to bring it up later, he tells me I’m too sensitive. I know he also gets annoyed at the things I say when I’m really upset — which I can understand. But it just feels like a cycle that keeps repeating, and I don’t know how to break out of it.

OP posts:
MarySueSaidBoo · 20/07/2025 08:37

So he's leaving you 99% of the gruntwork, but feels he has a right to critique how you're doing it?

It's low level bullying, and it's done to undermine you. And it's certainly not the action of someone who loves you and appreciates you. Chances are he's in man sulk because you're devoting your time and energy to your child and not him.... but he needs to know that it stops or he's gone. You can't raise a child who thinks this is OK or normal.

StrawberryCranberry · 20/07/2025 08:39

"Give her some space" - what? I don't understand why he would think your toddler needed some space?!

He sounds really annoying. Is he one of those men who always have to be right about everything? Have you tried talking about it with him at a time when you're both calm (not just after he's made a comment), explaining why you find it annoying and asking him to stop?

StrawberryCranberry · 20/07/2025 08:41

I think couples counselling might be useful. A good counsellor will help you to think about the way you both communicate and how to improve that.

Gingernaut · 20/07/2025 08:41

He's undermining you in front of your child

YANBU

DaisyChain505 · 20/07/2025 08:46

Why are you the one doing all the care for your joint child?

Yes he may work full time but your “job” as a SAHP is whilst he is also in his job.

Once he clocks off from his job you also clock off from your job and then you’re just two joint parents looking after your joint child together.

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