Making New Friends

[Aquarius1234]

How hard is it to make new friends?

Any tips as it seems impossible.

It can be hard and not necessarily down to you as a person just the stage of life you’re trying to meet a new person at.

Im a people person and love talking to new people but I could not make any new true friends as I don’t have enough time for the ones I currently have with 3 kids and working full time as a single mum.

Im thinking maybe when my kids have flown the nest that maybe would give me time to be able to expand to new friendships?

Ha I actually really like watching Tennis but haven't tried playing in ages.
There's adult beginner lessons. Well 4 lessons.
But previously I've not been able to join a club as they dont tend to allow beginners in as their level isn't good enough to play with others.
But yeh deffo open to that. I nearly managed to find one person to play with two years ago after doing some beginner sessions. But she disappeared and was flakey. Even bumped into her in my town. But think she had some personal issues.
Tho don't we all. Im quite self conscious and deffo not fit but still tried.

You really have to put yourself out there to make friends. Gosh does it take so long though. I have one friend I've just met for coffee for the first time since I joined a group two years ago. I think sometimes you just happen upon someone you click with enough to make a friend, but not that often.

Your options are similar to dating-
make friends through people you know
through work, volunteering or hobbies
use a app like bumble bff or meet up.

Have you thought about going along to your local church? They usually have lots of social things for people. I know my friend attends a local one and they have men's breakfasts, womens breakfasts, Game nights, wreath making, social evenings, day trips etc

It is a numbers game like dating. I reckon 50 to 100 contacts could garner a friend. I have relocated twice hundreds of miles in my life. Just join loads of things and if not right then move on. When I retired I joined 7 hiking and walking groups. Two I didn’t return to after one walk, one after looking at the group chat for a time I decided not to go. One was ok and three were great. From those three groups I have made three good friends. Two of them are at the stage where we have met up with partners and I’m about to meet one of my friends parents. Two are a similar age to me in late fifties and one is 15 years younger.

I avoid immediate over sharers of very personal information or anyone that gossips about anyone else in the group.

I moved area just before having DS. Pregnancy and newborn stage were interesting for meeting a bunch of people, and some of them stuck - not necessarily the ones who I thought would and a couple moved away so are more like 95% whatsapp and 2 visits each year. While my closest friends are still ex colleagues I have friends and acquaintances from toddler groups, neighbours, school, park, charity... all led to lots of connections. Again the real friends are not usually those who I initially expected, but the acquaintances are well worth having too.

it's ALL in numbers; get out, be friendly, follow opportunities, try people out.When you know half the neighbourhood you meet people everywhere, get introduced to others, re-meet years later... and new friendships are formed. I have a friend because she stopped her bike by me because it was raining and we chatted then laughed until we ached; that precious afternoon has sustained us for 15 years now regardless of distance or life events. I have a friend because he rented a flat above someone who met the bike friend in a club because their two mates were flirting with each other, he has a friend in my old neighbour (who drives me nuts so I don't see her, all horses for courses!). Most friendships form over time, don't expect instant connections. Be open and friendly, appreciate every acquaintance for who they are and the future friendship opportunities they may bring you.

I found the opposite. I have had lessons both individual and group. May be different if you go to one of those expensive gyms with tennis courts or even a club member (our local tennid clubs have waiting lists).

The first group wasn't great for socialising, people turned up for the lesson then went home. I was there for two terms so not even just a couple of weeks.

The second group was smaller, they all knew each other, or turned up with someone they knew, all pleasant enough but I was the outsider.

Shame as I love tennis and would love to meet someone to have a game with.

BumbleBFF
MeetUp
Peanut
TimeLeft

in real life, my friends are from:
choir
parenting
work
exercise class

I see some social interactions as perfectly acceptable surface-level, keep me ticking over socially through the week, small-talk interactions.

Others become proper friendships by a combination of mutual effort, mutual motivation, common interests, and shared experiences. And time!

Actually I’ve also made some great IRL friends through Mumsnet. But that’s a thing that happened fairly slowly over a lot of posts & I think it’s probably increasingly unusual nowadays.

Most clubs will have beginners .. people have to start somewhere and she joined the beginner groups and classes. As you get better it expands further .. honestly I’ve made so many friends without even trying .. double’s especially is incredibly social .. go for it 💪

Okay thanks for the info.

This, and what @ViciousCurrentBun said.

Friendships almost always grow and develop over time.
(The bike stopping friend being the exception here).

Usually on the 'I have no friends' threads, people will often complain about not "making a friend" after going to something for a short time. Friendships rarely happen like that. You need to put yourself out there and join things. If you join things where you enjoy the thing you are doing, then you've had a great few months even if you didn't make a friend.

Then accept invitations to other things, even if you aren't sure it is 'your thing'.

Oh forgot to say I'm not keen on having my photo taken.
Happens occasionally but I'm the sort of person that never looks good unless I'm the one taking the selfie etc.
It's so annoying when your out and get snapped looking unflattering and too close up.
I do tell close family but very occasionally they forget.
Have noticed on meet up events and probably lots of other things. Group photos or candids are common.
Should I just give up??
Unless its one to one.

That is true, tbf - so much depends on the actual people and how they relate to each other. At one time the group I belong to was so cliquey I almost jacked it in, then a few of the 'queen bees' left, we had a small influx of new members and the dynamic changed markedly, it's a super friendly group now and not at all cliquey.

I also agree finding a role you enjoy (onstage or off) plays a big part too, what I would say is if you do still feel at all drawn to the idea it might well be worth another shot, different groups have different vibes and ways of doing things. 🙂

Yeah I can't stand the cliquey vibe. Welcomes new members but also happy for them to disappear quick enough.
Definitely depends on the groups.
I may have a look again.
Did you almost leave because you felt they didn't include you or just gossip vibes behind backs?

When I first joined the group, they weren't brilliant at making new members feel welcome imo, you had to sort of elbow your way into being included in tea break chats etc, which isn't great if someone's joined a group on their own. Friendly enough, didn't get a sense I was being bitched about or anything, but not as actively welcoming as I feel social groups should be to new members. But the main problem was that the group was somewhat dominated by several VERY LOUD people. As an introvert and someone with a quiet voice, sometimes I physically couldn't join in with conversations as I couldn't make myself heard over the cackling and yelling of specific people and their friends who could be equally loud, and the conversations in breaks/in the pub afterwards tended to be dominated by those people which made it feel very cliquey. They've left now and it's a lot easier for everyone to join in conversations! 😄

Amateur theatre does attract loud people and extreme extroverts, by the very nature of the hobby, and to give them their due they can be brilliant on stage. But plenty of more low-key people and introverts join am-dram groups too, I consider myself one, in fact the majority in the group now aren't super flamboyant, just ordinary people who enjoy acting or helping to stage a production. It's very much a case of finding out the dynamic within a specific group and where you'd be most comfortable fitting in on or offstage. FWIW I consider several of the group among my best friends now. 🙂

You have put efforts in. I dont know op had one friend but I did all the chasing/texting so thats not ideal either. Nothing from her now. I did meet a few via walking and we met for coffee today. Think life busy now. Not easy as you say

Op do you like walking. Theatre sounds good too. Im 50s god its hard. My friend has group app they message if a new film on gets her out.

There are lots of podcasts on the subject of making friends that might be helpful.

I think you will have problems with going to activities «to make friends». Go to activities that you want to do and want to do over a long period of time. Friendships are organic and grow out of mutual interest and when you gradually get to know someone in a natural way. Tbh, I would probably hold off from someone who was there just to find a friend as I would worry it had potential to be too intense too quickly.

Okay yeh. I wouldn't be planning to be intense and it takes me a few times to start talking about little more anyway.
Most groups or courses I've seen that aren't expensive only tend to be 6 weeks max anyway.