To think only the patient and maybe one companion needs to sit in the waiting room?

[BoobsOnTheMoon]

I'm at the (very small rural) MIU, on my own, waiting to get a burn looked at. Every single other patient has at least one person with them. There is only one other patient who has just one companion and that's an 8 week old baby!

There's an older baby with 3 adults.

A youngish girl with 2 parents and 2 other children.

A man who has brought 2 young adults (well old enough to leave at home or in the car) with him.

An elderly lady who had 2 adults with her and then another 2 adults came in to join them, but there were no chairs left to sit on so they pulled over a couple of patient wheelchairs and sat in those. The whole group (elderly lady included) are doing the cryptic crossword.

Wtf? Easily 3/4 of the people in this waiting room are not patients. Surely thats not normal, or is it?

They’re the same type that will then follow up the family day out with a trip for all to the supermarket on a Saturday afternoon (mum, dad, 3 kids, granny). Mumsnet loves defending these morons.

I’d love this.

I regularly attend with both of my elderly parents. If one of them is ill, the other one insists on coming to appointments but often is not able to ask the doctor questions or drive the other one there.

I am needed as driver and organiser but I can't tell my DMum she's not allowed to DDad's appointments or vice versa. Last time the hospital insisted on only one person accompanying DDad into an appoiintment I had to quietly tell the nurse that DMum forgets things so could she please talk to me afterwards. DMum would not have forgiven me if I had taken her place in that room and made her wait outside. In the end they went in and a few minutes later the nurse came and got me saying my parents needed me.

It's a tricky one, I would rather the parent not needing the medical attention stayed at home but they have accompanied each other to everything for 50 odd years. I would be really infantalising them to say they can't come, and it would cause big ructions.

Had the same experience in A&E a couple of weeks ago with a shortage of waiting space and free chairs due to patients arriving mob handed. It was during the heatwave so the waiting room was extremely hot and the water machine was empty for a few hours awaiting replenishment.

i understand that some patients need support but selfishly bringing entire families or groups of friends is making an unpleasant environment harder for everyone. And more opportunity for viruses etc to spread in a warm crowded space. Just don’t think A&E waiting is a social activity.

@CaffiSaliMali that's the best user name I've seen for ages.

Anyway, back to the OP

I think there's a big difference between A&E and minor injuries. There's also a big difference between people who need support and a cast of thousands clogging up waiting rooms for no reason whatsoever.

DH and I took DC to children's A&E a few months ago as we were all together when the accident happened (away from home). I was conscious that whole time that we shouldn't take up space so DH & I kept swapping in and out to keep bleeding and pained DC company. (It would have been easier if the cafe had still been open, but DC obviously waited until after 8pm to hurt themselves.🙄)

While we were there, there was a DM and DC who kept summoning more family members to come and join them. DC in question hac twisted their ankle (story retold as each new person arrived). They literally did immediately start eating snacks in the waiting room and were watching ipads on full volume. Once one of them had blocked a fire escape by parking granny in front of it in her wheelchair, a staff member went over to have a word.

At that point DC was taken off for treatment and I never did find out what happened next!

When we went back in to the day surgery ward a few days later though things were much more civilised.

Forgot to finish my post properly. Meant to add that when DH took me to A&E the waiting room was very busy with several families (mum, dad, kids). The noise of phones and tablets was very loud and kids were climbing over the chairs, people on the phone or going in and out. Thankfully I was triaged very quickly and sent to x-ray so we didn't have to sit there very long. By contrast the Minor Unit, where I was sent to see the doctor, was very calm and quiet which was great as we sat there for 3.5 hours.

By and large though, both of us prefer to wait in the coffee shop if at all possible when going to appointments.

Bloody ridiculous the amount of people who turn up these days to accompany a patient! I am retired now,when I was nursing they would be turfed out,same with visitors on the ward.The entitlement beggars belief now.

Eeeh, it's a right good day out, and you might see blood and guts. Cheap food and telly too!

My daughter had to go to hospital Friday, I went with her due to her being disabled and unable to manage alone (I had to stay in hospital with her for 3 days)

There were several people who treated it like a family day out
Place was rammed and folks have turned up in 4's with one family having 8 of them and when asked to trim that down they refused

It was an 8 hour wait for a doctor at one point, my daughter was put on a bed after 2 and kept round the back but at midnight I nipped into the waiting room to use the toilet and there were folks sitting on the floor out there

Hey! Hope your burn isn’t too bad and is now treated and your recover well with no issues.

I’ve voted that YANBU but before I get onto that …

I have to comment on the people complaining that OP is mumsnet-ing whilst waiting to be seen … there’s not a lot else to do, scroll your phone, read a book, complete crosswords. Some people - such as the OP, just like to make observations on what’s going on around them, same as some people like to do whatever else keeps them entertained and from dying of boredom in a waiting room.

Now for the YANBU - I have often thought this myself. Why does the entire entourage need to attend the appointment?

I found I had cancer towards the end of Covid times and appointments continued into the time when many people were still very aware of risks but places were starting to open up again. I went to various cancer diagnosis appts and scans on my own and so had plenty of time to observe what was going on around me. I’m still being monitored for the cancer and some other health issues that came to light during the cancer journey - so still attending fairly regular appointments, mostly on my own, because I can and I appreciate I’m lucky in that respect. I completely understand the people bringing one supporter, for some people it’s better to have someone present when you are receiving difficult news. There are also times when you cannot drive home from the appointment yourself.

What I haven’t understand though, are the people bringing entire families along. Partner/spouse and children, maybe that makes sense - person with the appointment needs support and there is no child care. But when aunt, uncle, friend, partner, adult child, grand child and various other small children are all there - WHY? I don’t understand it. This isn’t something culture specific either (I.e where whole family groups support the individual because it’s seen as a sign of respect/duty and family involvement is expected in health matters) - I’ve observed it with many different ethnicities and groups where it’s unlikely it’s anything to do with culture (I recall one family where it was patient, sister in law (ie sister of patient’s husband), sister in law’s partner, sister in law’s partner’s brother, and patient’s child - I gathered all this from their conversations that I was trying to ignore but finding it difficult due to their proximity) and I don’t understand why so many people go together - it can’t be fun for the children and with so many people surely most of them could go and wait somewhere that is not the hospital waiting room or do something else, whilst one waits with the patient, and then meet up afterwards? It’s not even like the days when we had no mobile phones and wouldn’t know when they’re done!

And before someone says this doesn’t affect me and I must be bitter just because I had to go through my diagnosis alone - I’m not in the slightest bit bitter about that; I didn’t want to drag anyone else through the worry until there were definitive answers. Personally, even now I prefer going to my hospital appointments alone. If there’s bad news (or any news I suppose!) I can process it myself before I have to share it with someone else. I’m also quite happy having some peace and quiet to myself - to scroll on my phone or read a book I wouldn’t usually have time for!

And yes it does affect me if someone brings a big group with them. For one, this is risking bringing more germs, bacteria, infections, viruses etc into the hospital - as a cancer patient something I’ve been very aware of my increased risk. More people means more chance of people who could be bringing infections and also means more crowding in waiting rooms.
It can also mean there is no where to sit. I’ve had major surgery as a result of my cancer and for several weeks after my surgery couldn’t stand for prolonged periods - so I’d arrive for my scan appointment, and be faced with a waiting room with no spare seating! Maybe I’m seeing the vast contrast from during Covid when no one could come with you, waiting rooms were pretty deserted and every other seat had a sticker telling you not to sit there (always made me want to sit there … as opposed to sitting where someone else had been sitting?!) but I just can’t get my head around the logic in going in a big group.

From the point of view of the big groups, I don’t understand why they all want to go there. They are also increasing the risk of one of them potentially picking up a virus or infection or something else they don’t want. Surely it can’t be very interesting, especially for young children?

I’m not saying I don’t understand why people might appreciate support for their appointment (my partner has undergone some major surgery recently and been unable to drive or make his own way to the appointments, on occasion I have waited in the car but for some appointments I know he has appreciated having someone to both literally and metaphorically hold his hand (and had there been a shortage of seating in the waiting room I would certainly stand to allow patients priority)

Aside of cultural reasons - which isn’t always the case, I just don’t understand why or find it particularly considerate to other patients, for people to bring the entire family; it’s a hospital appointment not a sight seeing outing - so no, YANBU to question this.

Aside of cultural reasons - which isn’t always the case, I just don’t understand why or find it particularly considerate to other patients, for people to bring the entire family; it’s a hospital appointment not a sight seeing outing - so no, YANBU to question this.

Even where it is for "cultural reasons" it causes problems - my DP often deals with very sick patients whose entire extended family descends around their bedside with conflicting demands about how their relative should be treated. They're often abusive to hospital staff who don't kowtow to their religious demands (even when the non-devout patient themself is conscious and has capacity to decide on their own treatment options!). It's a difficult problem to deal with in a way that is sensitive to everyone.

You are just 3 people in total and your explanation makes perfect sense - and I am sure I would understand the situation if I saw the three of you together in a waiting room and would realise that an elderly couple who were used to doing everything together for half a century and having the support of one another all that time may also need the support of an additional person for transport, mutual support (I’m sure the one doing the supporting appreciated your company too, to help them also cope with the situation), and likely to assist in advocating for the patient (I often advocate for my partner and we’re in our 40s… imagine if we were somewhat older, used to me doing his advocating and being emotional support - but I was getting slower, less able to remember things or manage appointments and certainly less able to explain situations or prompt him to do so as well as less easy to remember or grasp what the medical people were explaining. I’m sure I’d feel my nose was pushed out of joint and be left feeling utterly useless if someone took him for me, but we’d definitely appreciate someone to support us both and help with the practical side, especially transport - and I also recognise that with a lot of older folk it’s not always feasible or realistic to merely drop them off and pick them up again later).

I think it’s lovely that you support them both, and also take them both along to the appointments so they can continue having each other there but have you to help with understanding advocating and all the rest. I hope you didn’t feel that you had to explain yourself. I’m certain it’s whole family outings (as in larger groups, generally taking over the waiting room) that the OP is questioning.

When my dad was severely ill in a&e, he needed 2 of us to help him walk, so both mum and I were there with him.

When my then 4yo split his head open at the park, I had my other 2 children with me so we all went to urgent care.

When my 8 week old baby had an allergic reaction and went limp, I could barely function and I needed my mum there for me, and then my husband joined us too as he rushed to a&e from work.

There is sometimes more people than needed, whole families just waiting to keep the patient company, but there are quite a lot of circumstances where it's necessary to have more than 1 person accompanying.

If you'd have asked the hospital would've given you a wheelchair for your df to use, understandable if you couldn't find one person to look after your other dc whilst your 4yr old needed stitches (dm, dh?) and obviously once your dh arrived when your baby was poorly your dm could've left.

Thing is everyone has a reason why they need a handful of people with them but it all adds up to rammed waiting rooms. It should be 1 person in attendance only. The others could maybe wait in other areas like the hospital cafes etc.

"Thing is everyone has a reason why they need a handful of people with them but it all adds up to rammed waiting rooms"

So much this. It reminds me a bit of the whole debate about fathers and staying overnight in maternity wards.

Yes, for the woman who is actually giving/has given birth it's great to have their partner there for support, especially given the appalling state of maternity services in many areas. But the end result if every father stays is a maternity ward half filled with men who aren't patients, with the extra pressure that puts on space and toilets etc, and the knock on effects on privacy and dignity for the actual patients.

Whilst I might have wanted my DP there I certainly didn't want everyone else's DP there! So the rule is about what's best across the board, and I feel like it should be the same with other clinics tbh.

It’s mad isn’t it? Took my DF to A&E last week and it was rammed. There were three work colleagues sat next to us having sandwiches whilst waiting for their colleague to come out of triage (why the hell he needed three of them for support God knows) and plenty of others with the whole household in tow. Meanwhile actual sick and injured people unable to sit down 🙄

Odd how few HCP have commented about this, in fact only one post from an annoyed A&E nurse.

Also odd how very few hospitals have imposed any kind of parameters on this.

Makes me wonder whether it’s actually that serious a problem

People who work in these departments are probably at work. They won't care anyway if waiting areas are full and nowhere to sit it's the patients who are inconvenienced not the staff.

Huh? You think there’s 100% of the NHS front line workforce at work atm?

Hmm, to test your claim that only one NHS employee has complaimed on this thread, I randomly clicked on a page from earlier in the thread to test. On that page (page 5), I found a health care worker objecting on 19/07/2025 at 22:41 and a staff member from a minor injuries unit also objecting at 21:02.

I haven't checked the other pages yet, but it seems unfortunate that I found two on the first page I checked, when you said there was only one in the thread. How rigorous was your counting of the posts?

I almost miss covid times and thos is one of the reasons. Only one person was allowed to attend with injured. A+E was so much better

Im always shocked at local children's a+e that people bring both parents, all their kids and usually an aunt or granny (dh calls it a council estate day out)

We are still in covid times, in another wave as we speak. Are you talking about lockdown?

Sounds ridiculous to be honest. YANBU.

Yep, just like we have pretty much always been in common cold and influenza times.