Sorry if this is long or a bit muddled, just need to vent really. I don’t normally post stuff like this but it’s been on my mind and I don’t know who to talk to about it. Might just be tiredness tbh.
I’ve lived in the same town all my life. Went to school here, now my kids go to the same primary I went to. It’s always felt familiar. I used to bump into people I knew all the time, my mum still lives five minutes away, the streets still look the same. But lately I don’t know… it just doesn’t feel like home anymore.
It started when I went to DD’s school for their international day thing. It was all lovely and colourful and the kids had fun, and I’m not saying anything bad about it. But I stood there watching all the parents chatting and laughing and honestly I felt really out of place. Like I didn’t belong. Hardly anyone spoke English around me (which is fine of course), I just felt weirdly invisible. No one I knew. Couldn’t follow the conversations. I don’t know what’s wrong with me, maybe I’m just awkward.
I’ve noticed it more lately though. Like going to the GP, impossible to get an appointment unless you’re phoning right on the dot at 8am. Bin collections are always late. The council housing stuff is a mess. A friend of mine has been on the list for over two years in a flat with 3 kids, and nothing. But then someone else she knows, just moved here, got put in a 3-bed straight away. I don’t know the full story obviously, but it just feels like everything’s so stretched and some people get help quicker than others. It’s not about blaming anyone, just makes you feel like you don’t matter.
I’ve said bits of this to DH and he says I’m being nostalgic and the town’s just changing like everywhere else. Maybe he’s right. Maybe I’m just tired or hormonal or having a bit of a wobble. But it’s like, I walk down the high street now and barely recognise it. Turkish barbers and vape shops (all our clothes shops and independents are disappearing), new people, no one says hello anymore. I feel like I’m the outsider in the place I grew up in. Is that just getting old?
I don’t want to sound like I’m being goady or that I’m anti anyone because I’m not. I’m really not. Just feel a bit sad. Bit lost. Not sure where I fit anymore.
AIBU? Or has anyone else ever felt like this?