Am I being unreasonable to think the best days are nearly over

[Itscomplicated123]

Feel absolutely heartbroken today, can't stop crying my eldest left primary school yesterday, suddenly dawned on me that my unhappy marriage is all I will have left soon. The good days are passing me by with the kids now growing up. I'm feeling like im going to have a huge midlife crisis soon, I should really leave my husband but can't do it to my kids whilst they are having transitions to high school etc, not to mention cost implications . just feel so sad.

Not unreasonable but a bit dramatic and you’re catastrophising. It’s only going to turn into a big crisis if you don’t start to listen to yourself and what you need right now. Use this as a wake up call and act.

Your life is what you make of it.

You have a lot of living ahead of you, only you can make those years positive.

Imagine how thrilled your kids will be when they find out you stayed unhappy and crying in a terrible marriage for them! they already know you’re unhappy. Why prolong the agony?

Imagine how thrilled your kids will be when they find out you stayed unhappy and crying in a terrible marriage for them! they already know you’re unhappy. Why prolong the agony?

Why do you want to leave?
You’ll have lots of happy times with your kids to come, never fear. Sometimes can be a bit rocky in early- mid teens, then usually gets better and it’s lovely having fellow adults!

My dc are all at secondary. It’s different but I love this stage. We hang out together. But then I like dh’s company so that’s the bit I suggest you need to change.

Staying for the kids is a myth, an outdated concept. I think now we model doing what is healthy, so our children learn to do what is healthy for them. You wouldn’t want your DCs to stay in unhappy relationships.

Yes I agree, we get along great at times but there's a deep rooted feeling that I know I'm not happy, he's not horrible to me but not nice and thoughtful either if you get me. I have tried and tried to encourage communication with us but he isn't willing to try and improve things, he walks away and says he doesn't want to talk etc. it feels claustrophobic to me.

What happens if you don't allow him to walk away, but force him to talk about issues? How do decisions get made, problems resolved when resolution has to be reached?

He wouldn't talk he would just get angry, just saying things like 'cant be f*** arsed with this' ends up kind of projecting the issues back to me as if I'm nagging and he can't be arsed to listen. It ends up with me bottling everything up and feeling really down

You can’t force someone to talk about issues. That’s controlling behaviour.

Get rid of the 12 stone recalcitrant lump and you’ll instantly feel much better.

Don’t put the pressure of your happiness on your child. Leave your shitty marriage and make a happy home for you & your child. Total waste of a life.

You can’t leave no because if transitions to high school. Well it’s a lot easier to leave now than it is in the lead up to GCSEs, A levels. The older they get the harder it is to uproot schools and friends if necessary.

In other words it’ll be far easier to leave now, so unless you are willing to put up with this shit communication and repression of your feelings, for the next however many years, then now is the best time to act.

Yes, teens can be hard work at times but they can also be brilliant. I’ve just had a great few minutes with DS17 looking through his DofE photos and hearing him talk about it. Don’t presume that the best years are gone - they really aren’t.

But your marriage sounds awful - that does need to change. Or end.

@Itscomplicated123 I hear what you're saying. You want to do the right thing by your

family because they're still so young and want to give them that stability and comfort but your dying inside. I'm in a marriage that isn't really happy.

Does he end up with everything his way? You might want to look up examples and definitions of domestic abuse.

sorry @MemorableTrenchcoat / OP, I didn’t mean literally “force”, no. But there are some issues that have to discussed, decisions that have to be reached.