Can I risk it and work 3 days rather than 5?

[Happjness]

I’m so fed up of working. I’m 40 and have a 4 year old. I have a good relationship with ex but he works a lot so I do everything for DD and she lives with me.

Ex pays me around 1,200 a month and will pay extra if needed for something significant (for example he bought DD a new bed last month). This 1,200 covers my mortgage and car running costs.

I have some savings of 45k. I owe 195k on my mortgage.

My parents are wealthy ish. They own 2 homes outright (worth around 1mil together) and also own 3 small rentals with small mortgages.

My parents often indicate that me and DSIS will be ok down the line as our mortgages will be paid off with inheritance and there will be extra to spend in retirement. I know things can happen and you can’t rely on inheritance…but would you risk it?

I hate working and being a mum on my own. It’s so hard. I am miserable. I have never been reckless and DD has stability because of it. But I am so tired. What would you do?

Of course, you can choose to do what you are happy with, but I'd much rather be self reliant. Who knows what could happen in the future.

@FuzzyPuffling Me too but I just don’t know if I have it in me. I am so exhausted.

I think drop your hours, you can’t get time back.

Would part time for a couple of years affect your career? Could you easily go up to full time again?

To be honest I’d live for the moment!

I think children get easier in some ways as they get older- at least less demanding of your time in the same way.

How much would you earn if you dropped your hours? How much equity do you have in your house? A 3 day week would be great, and I suppose if the worst came to the worst in later life, you could downsize but that depends on how much equity you have built up.

3 days is perfect when you have a small child, or small children.
You are still working and keeping skills and knowledge up to date.
You get some time away from your dc, and spend time with adults.
You get to spend much more time with your child but still showing them you work for a living.

In your circumstances, I'd go PT in a flash. I'd probably also chuck £20K of that savings, at my mortgage next time I was out of a fix.

When you’re pushing 60 (like me) you will be glad that you have enough financial stability that you can retire in another 5 years but you will also realise that your child is grown and life is short. I look back on the few years I worked part-time with my boy as the most enjoyable time of my life and I am so glad I made that choice.

I work part time and haven't got children. That's even more controversial 😂

Best decision for me. I was miserable and couldn't see light at the end of the tunnel. Yes, there are compromises. I live in a small flat and don't have a car. I'm close enough to walk to town, so that's fine.

Obviously the cost of living can squeeze you, but you find ways to economise. Strip every unnecessary expense. If you struggle to let something go, work out how many extra hours each you need to work to pay for it. Are those shoes worth half a day's work? If they are, that's great. If it's not then shove them in the memory hole and move on.

OP you have today. Tomorrow isn't promised.

Do it for a few years at least. Don't hesitate. You may find things easier when they go up to the juniors. Enjoy the early years - they can't be replaced. However, don't bank on inheritance and keep an eye on your pension.

What about dropping to 4 days. One extra day at home makes so much difference.

Just one thought: in some workplaces, going down to 3 or 4 days is a way for you to do just as much work for less pay. If that’s your place of work, and the expectation will be for you to get just as much done, then the benefits may not be as good as you hope.

Don't rely on inheritance to pay off mortgages - could get swallowed up in care home fees - but is your mortgage interest only or being paid off over time?
Look at the listentotaxman site - calculate the difference in your net income - and any offsets like less childcare costs.
The things to consider are the impact on your pension, whether being part time will impact on your long term career prospects - and whether your current employer can accommodate you dropping to part time hours. (and that you don;t end up with the same workload, less money and hours to complete it in)

Presumably you're thinking about this for just a few years while child is young rathera permanent change?

If you can do this I would. Is there always the option to go back up to 5 days in your current job? You would save on any wrap around care for 2 days plus childcare in the school holidays too. This all adds up. So even with a salary drop your outgoings would potentially be less too.

The only thing I would caution you over is the likely inheritance which may all be spent on care fees. Your parents would be best advised to speak to a solicitor about potentially protecting their assets and how they can do that. The earlier the better.

Secondly, if your ex meets someone they may tell him that the maintenance is enough and there is no need to pay for any extras as happened to my friend. They used to go 50/50 on school trips, uniform etc but that all stopped when he started dating and she was mouthing off about where he should spend his money.

I would definitely drop to 3 days in your shoes. If you put that 45k into overpaying your mortgage you might even be eligible for universal credit on top of your big child maintenance so you're in a really lucky position!

Also use some of that 1200 a month to pay for a nice regular babysitter and a cleaner twice a week

@Happjnesswhat kind of work do you do? Is it flexible? Can you cut down to four days to see if that makes a difference to how you feel? Can you take some summer leave to rest and reset?
Perhaps you could go through all your regular outgoings and see where you can cut costs? Do you have debt? If your mortgage rate of higher than the interest on your savings you might want to use some of your savings to overpay..

Is your DD at school? If so is an earlier finish possible? I work 30 hours but over 4 days, started when DD started school so I could pick her up everyday and we have the afternoon together. Much less stressful for cooking dinner/bath etc because I have a couple of extra hours

Do it.

You can always get back to a full time job later on if needed but you will never get back the time spent with young kids.

Noway would I work full time in your situation. You will never get this time back with your young child.

I would do this in a heartbeat with a four year old. But then I do this with teens still. I would probably pay £45K off the mortgage too. Your mortgage will cost less so you will have spare income. Sorry if that is an incredibly obvious statement but that will offset some of the lost earnings. You also have a long-term plan for your mortgage in that you know you will have some future inheritance. It is a valid factor.

@Unexpectedlysinglemum i hadn’t even thought about that! Thank you for pointing it out x

I would do this if I could for a time limited period - anything from 1 year to absolute max 5 years. But you need to be very clear-eyed about the impact on your pension and about any work-specific issues. Right now if I asked to go part-time at work they would cut the hours so I could never go back up again, so I probably wouldn’t do it now - or I would accept that I might need to get another pt job to fill the hours in the future. But in general, you have one life, so make choices that work for you and your dd.

Your parents would be better off doing some proper estate planning and releasing some of that money now, or the tax man will get a massive chunk of it.