Really dislike talking to my neighbour

[joffjaffa]

Another neighbour one sorry lol.

Basically I really dislike talking to my neighbour l, she is so nosy and when she seem’s me she will proceed to talk for at least 20 - 30 minutes and often whilst I’m gardening.

On first impressions I thought she was really nice but after she would start asking persons questions which made me and DP uncomfortable.

By pure coincidence my parents, DP’s mother and my aunt and uncle visited on the same day on Wednesday.

On Thursday when I was watering my plants she came out to ask if everything was OK and that she had noticed that a lot of people had visited the day before.

I replied “why wouldn’t it be OK?” and made a joke of it but it really annoyed me.

I never ask her questions, or question her about her visitors, I just hate talking to her now

I am not an unneighbourly person either, I take bins down when neighbours are at work, I take in parcels etc but I like my privacy and definitely don’t want to be saying more then hello to her.

DP never says anything about anyone and even he agrees she is very nosy.

My other neighbour and I just say hello and carry on about our business which I prefer.

AIBU to feel like this?

SO annoying OP!
I feel your annoyance at this as I had one but mine used to ask exactly what I was doing when she heard a small knock on the left side of the joint wall at 7pm 3 days ago… it’s where I plug my laptop in.
Stuff like that. Very very grating.

I began grey rock with her, didn’t give more than one word answers with a smile. “Don’t recall”, “ can’t remember “ that kind of thing. Then a “must get on!” And walked away.
Also… gardening with headphones pretend not to hear or see them, if I did a cheery wave then head down again.

Fuck that op, I’m not being scared out of my own garden by a busybody, no way.
Also wouldn’t hesitate to tell her that I’m a very very private person and not comfortable to disclose personal information, so thank you but no thank you.

Yes, wear some headphones and pretend you haven't noticed her. Or wave from a distance and don't go within earshot. She'll hopefully get the message eventually.

I work with the public and certain people like to stop and chat a lot. I'm not sure if they realise how busy I am, but usually I say a few words and then start edging away and getting on with thing.

How low is fence between gardens?

I can’t see my neighbours garden let alone talk to them through the panelling

How long have you lived there?

There is no fence it’s all open.

These are new builds and we moved in at the same time around a year ago.

I will try the headphone technique and see if she gets the hint.

Bloody hell
so sounds like sharing a garden!

id be installing a fence. Pronto

Sounds like absolute hell I wouldn’t give engaging wirh her as much just give one word answers or infact just tell her it’s none of your business

Wow OP, if it wasn't for the fact that my neighbour doesn't have anyone on the other side I'd have thought we had the same neighbour!

She knows everything about everyone and even knows what shift I'm working each day. She has zero social awareness when it comes to asking personal questions and openly admits that she has seen who was visiting etc etc.

No advice OP, just solidarity

Time for a fence :)

I would make it clear that you find her questions intrusive - when she questions you say 'Gosh, aren't you nosy? And then change the subject or say 'Got to go now!' and walk away.

I have a neighbour like this. I've now got a stock set of phrases I use to cut her off. 'Sorry Gloria, I'm up to my ears.' 'Lovely weather, can't stop' or 'Hello, must dash, the oven pinger is going'. Then I turn my back and get on.

It felt rude at first but she honestly wants to know the ins and outs of a cat's backside and has no shame about prying.

Maybe she’s ND.

Another option would be to make up hilarious stories in response to her questions and hope you can put her off you.
Her "Is everything was OK as I noticed that a lot of people visited yesterday".
You "Yes it went brilliant. They were the people quoting for the new massive hot tub and sound system. They start work on Friday"

OMG stop. Maybe she’s a just a nosey mare and not everything is an autism stereotype?

Are you allowed to put up a fence, or a hedge or something?
You'll have years of this.
The neighbour out the back of ours when I was growing up was fucking annoying. Everytime I went out to play she'd come out and start talking to me. When my Mam went out to garden she'd come out asking questions and fishing for gossip which meant my Mam couldn't get on with the gardening. We couldn't enjoy the garden because every fucking time we went out the neighbour would appear.
My parents put up some trellises inside our garden to shield our garden from hers and also planted some fast growing conifers to shield the lawn area from view which meant we could all go out without having her appear any more.

If you can't do that any more you'll have to just cut her off, just exchange a few words and then say, "Anyway, nice chatting but I must get on now, so much to do in the garden" and turn away, head down, headphones in, music on etc.

The thing is, the driveway is basically 2 allocated car parking spaces, so a fence might look out of place.

I have small plant pots on one side.

Its like she will always catch me as I am doing something and will talk for about 20/30 minutes each time.

On the last few occasions I have cut it short abruptly as I really dislike her intrusiveness.

I think the headphone is a really good idea.

The driveway? So this is a front garden we’re talking about?

Yes just a small front garden

If you're not brave enough to be blunt "Susan I'm just trying to enjoy a bit of peace and quiet in my garden right now so I'd rather not chat" you need to do what I do - cultivate an air of general fuck offness. Embody the expression of a Cassowary or a Shoebill Stork, invest in some nice big obvious over ear headphones, and pretend you can't see or hear her.

So it’s a very small open patch of green at the front of a row of properties where the drive ways are.

I am guessing you don’t actually sit and sunbathe out there! So you pop out to water a few pot plants and she keeps you talking for 20-30 mins? In that case, water your pot plants early (you’re meant to anyway) OR pop your headphones on OR just say “sorry no time to chat, just watering the plants quickly”

So what if she is. It’s not a free pass to being a pain in the arse.

Well she kind of does have a free pass to walk out her front door, stand on her own driveway and talk to whoever she wishes to

the ball is in OP’s court re how she responds!

Our neighbours are nosey gits.
To prevent them from thinking they can pry, I'm afraid I've had to stick to just saying morning/evening if I pass them, and never indulge them more than that.

Maybe start cutting her off and telling her that you don’t have time to chat?

We also have a neighbour who’s very chatty and likes to gossip - he’s retired, lives alone and his health isn’t great, so in his case I think it’s more about loneliness than about nosiness, but unfortunately I don’t always have time to stand there chatting for hours. Sometimes you just have to be blunt and say that you can’t stop because you’re on your way somewhere, or you’ve got to get this job finished before xyz.

@JudgeBread the SHOEBILL STORK!!! 😱😍