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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not go to MIL today?

17 replies

ellie09 · 19/07/2025 10:44

DP's family live quite far away - a 3 hour round journey from us and this happened to be the weekend everyone was free for DP and I to visit.

A couple of weeks back, I got my appointment for my LLETZ treatment which fell a couple of days before we were due to go. I had no idea how I would feel until the treatment happened.

The pain seems to get worse as the day goes on, and if I am not resting (which I am told by doctor to do for a few days). I also have quite a bit of bleeding. So, I said to DP that he can go on his own and I will stay home, as DPs family have a whole day planned, going out and about to events etc and whilst I am still bleeding heavy and tender, its probably best I dont go.

DP doesnt have an issue with this, however, his mum has now stopped texting him with arrangements for him arriving and not picking up calls. Now I wonder if its taking g a huff with the fact I am not going now.

YABU - you should have just went down and got through it

YANBU - you should stay home and rest if not feeling the best

OP posts:
nutbrownhare15 · 19/07/2025 10:46

I've put YANBU for not going. YABU for caring about what she thinks. Does she have form for this. No-one reasonable would have an issue with you not going when you are feeling poorly.

Sahara123 · 19/07/2025 10:47

Absolutely stay home and rest, poor you that sounds horrible!

Original poster
ellie09 · 19/07/2025 10:50

nutbrownhare15 · 19/07/2025 10:46

I've put YANBU for not going. YABU for caring about what she thinks. Does she have form for this. No-one reasonable would have an issue with you not going when you are feeling poorly.

She doesnt really show much empathy, no. Its a running theme with DP and they are always falling out. I tend to just stay out of it.

Very strange, as she has a job in a care type environment - in fact, the very people who would know exactly what the treatment I had entails.

OP posts:
Original poster
ellie09 · 19/07/2025 10:52

Sahara123 · 19/07/2025 10:47

Absolutely stay home and rest, poor you that sounds horrible!

Yep - I have tried taking the dog on easy 30 min walks, but even at the end of that, I am getting pain, so I was using these as a "test" so to speak, to see if I would be up for today, but if I cant manage 30 mins gentle walk, I knew I probably wouldn't be able to endure a full day of walking round events, being on boats etc.

OP posts:
thelakeisle · 19/07/2025 10:56

ellie09 · 19/07/2025 10:44

DP's family live quite far away - a 3 hour round journey from us and this happened to be the weekend everyone was free for DP and I to visit.

A couple of weeks back, I got my appointment for my LLETZ treatment which fell a couple of days before we were due to go. I had no idea how I would feel until the treatment happened.

The pain seems to get worse as the day goes on, and if I am not resting (which I am told by doctor to do for a few days). I also have quite a bit of bleeding. So, I said to DP that he can go on his own and I will stay home, as DPs family have a whole day planned, going out and about to events etc and whilst I am still bleeding heavy and tender, its probably best I dont go.

DP doesnt have an issue with this, however, his mum has now stopped texting him with arrangements for him arriving and not picking up calls. Now I wonder if its taking g a huff with the fact I am not going now.

YABU - you should have just went down and got through it

YANBU - you should stay home and rest if not feeling the best

She must be a right bullying cow for you to even consider dragging yourself there bleeding and in pain. Of course you must stay home, for as long as you need. I can't be bothered with people like that and have no tolerance for being bullied, so it would be the last time she'd be seeing me for a long, long time.

Permanentlymisunderstood · 19/07/2025 11:11

So following a medical procedure you have been advised by the doctor to rest, and a 30 minute walk has left you in pain and bleeding?
Not a chance in hell would I be going anywhere for the day. No way.
Your DP is fine about it, his mother can go jump.
Is it because it’s ‘women’s problems’ that should not be mentioned and you should get on with quietly without complaint? Would she be the same if you had norovirus or similar?
Ignore her, and rest up.

Ponoka7 · 19/07/2025 11:15

You absolutely don't go. He leaves a VM/text saying if I don't hear back in the next hour, I'll see you another time. Then looks after you instead.

Original poster
ellie09 · 19/07/2025 11:17

Permanentlymisunderstood · 19/07/2025 11:11

So following a medical procedure you have been advised by the doctor to rest, and a 30 minute walk has left you in pain and bleeding?
Not a chance in hell would I be going anywhere for the day. No way.
Your DP is fine about it, his mother can go jump.
Is it because it’s ‘women’s problems’ that should not be mentioned and you should get on with quietly without complaint? Would she be the same if you had norovirus or similar?
Ignore her, and rest up.

Yep, I was advised that gentle exercise, e.g. a walk may be ok, but it seems that every time I take the dog out, the pain just escalates, so I had stopped taking dog out for now (and DP is taking her)

She's in for a shock if she starts giving off when she arrives, as DP will be leaving to come straight home - he doesnt put up with her nonsense either.

OP posts:
anyzee · 19/07/2025 11:20

She doesn't want to see you, she wants to see you suffer.

toomuchfaff · 19/07/2025 11:55

It's not your responsibility to manage her emotions, let her be huffy, let her be annoyed, let her...

You do you...

Original poster
ellie09 · 19/07/2025 12:10

toomuchfaff · 19/07/2025 11:55

It's not your responsibility to manage her emotions, let her be huffy, let her be annoyed, let her...

You do you...

Going to enjoy having some rest in the house to myself! DS at his dads and DP will be out until around 8pm

Very rare I get the house to myself! Feeling a bit down in the dumps (prob due to the procedure) so its very much needed

OP posts:
T00ManyBooks · 19/07/2025 12:11

anyzee · 19/07/2025 11:20

She doesn't want to see you, she wants to see you suffer.

Nailed it!

Pherian · 19/07/2025 12:25

ellie09 · 19/07/2025 10:44

DP's family live quite far away - a 3 hour round journey from us and this happened to be the weekend everyone was free for DP and I to visit.

A couple of weeks back, I got my appointment for my LLETZ treatment which fell a couple of days before we were due to go. I had no idea how I would feel until the treatment happened.

The pain seems to get worse as the day goes on, and if I am not resting (which I am told by doctor to do for a few days). I also have quite a bit of bleeding. So, I said to DP that he can go on his own and I will stay home, as DPs family have a whole day planned, going out and about to events etc and whilst I am still bleeding heavy and tender, its probably best I dont go.

DP doesnt have an issue with this, however, his mum has now stopped texting him with arrangements for him arriving and not picking up calls. Now I wonder if its taking g a huff with the fact I am not going now.

YABU - you should have just went down and got through it

YANBU - you should stay home and rest if not feeling the best

You first and foremost need to take care of yourself. Being in pain and bleeding - book yourself a date with your comfiest clothing, a good book / tv series and a comfortable place to relax. I recommend getting a takeaway of the food you enjoy the most so you aren’t on your feet.

You have a right to be gentle with yourself and take care of your own needs. The fact that you even told your husband to go without you and still enjoys his day says to me that you’re a caring person and probably very often put others needs before your own.

If she doesn’t understand that you aren’t well and need a day off - it’s her problem. I wouldn’t even engage with it.

I hope you feel better soon.

Original poster
ellie09 · 19/07/2025 12:43

Pherian · 19/07/2025 12:25

You first and foremost need to take care of yourself. Being in pain and bleeding - book yourself a date with your comfiest clothing, a good book / tv series and a comfortable place to relax. I recommend getting a takeaway of the food you enjoy the most so you aren’t on your feet.

You have a right to be gentle with yourself and take care of your own needs. The fact that you even told your husband to go without you and still enjoys his day says to me that you’re a caring person and probably very often put others needs before your own.

If she doesn’t understand that you aren’t well and need a day off - it’s her problem. I wouldn’t even engage with it.

I hope you feel better soon.

Show quote history

Luckily DP made me some lovely fakeaway to reheat later on so I dont need to do any cooking

First proper "rest" day for me - as I had been working from home and caring for DS also the last couple of days

OP posts:
TicklishMintDuck · 19/07/2025 12:57

No one should expect you to go if you’re not feeling up to it. You should rest. Take care.

Megapint · 19/07/2025 15:17

Maybe she's just busy?. Realistically how many texts would be needed re his arrival?.

thelakeisle · 19/07/2025 23:25

ellie09 · 19/07/2025 12:10

Going to enjoy having some rest in the house to myself! DS at his dads and DP will be out until around 8pm

Very rare I get the house to myself! Feeling a bit down in the dumps (prob due to the procedure) so its very much needed

Show quote history

Good for you. I rarely get the house to myself and it's a real treat when it happens :) Get yourself something nice to eat, or a glass of wine, or whatever is your personal treat, watch a lovely show, have a bubble bath, treat yourself.

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