How do you get over feeling judged as a parent to a ND child?

[Borogrover]

My son is 6. Being assessed for ADHD and ASD. We have had the police called to our house by a passed by before because his meltdown was so extreme (police very kind and supportive thankfully). Meltdown tonight and my neighbour knocked on my door to see if she could help. I feel like I constantly have a spotlight on me. I hate not knowing who called the police and that there is someone out there who thinks I abuse my child (I'm not disputing them calling, and know that if I'm doubt, calling the police is the right thing to do - not here to discuss that). I just don't know how to get over this constant feeling of not being good enough. Like people just see me and think I'm a shit mum (and I'm sure they do). They don't see how patient I am, or understand that I know my child inside and out, and what they think is the right thing to do often really isn't. I keep telling myself to grow a thicker skin, and sometimes I think I'm getting there, and then something happens that makes people stare, or comment (for example a hitting out meltdown) and I'm back to square one. How on earth do you cope? I'm exhausted.

I know exactly how you feel OP, and it often feels like the loneliest place because no-one understands how bloody hard it is. But you are not alone, there are thousands of parents out there and I really think it helps to join some parents groups and connect with others who are in the same position. Just having that support of someone you can message when you've had an absolutely shite day can make the world of difference.

We've had police come to the house a few times and they have always been very kind and understanding - they are used to it and they're not judging. They can placemark your address as having a vulnerable person so that if they get a call in the future, they will already be aware of your situation.

Talk to your neighbour and tell her you appreciate her concern - let her know that you try hard to minimise noise and disturbance but that it's not always possible. I'd be glad that you have a neighbour who cares enough to knock and offer help.

Finally, on the judgement of others - I have had to develop a thick skin and not care what passers by think when dealing with meltdowns. They have no idea and their opinions aren't important. I know it's not easy but life gets a bit easier when you don't get stressed out about what strangers think.

yup. Been here. My soloution was to withdraw from anything and everyone apart from the smallest, most trusted circle. I purposely made our lives very small, as it was the only way I could see to not be wounded by the judgement. Was it the right thing to do? Maybe not. Recently, now DS2 with ASC/ADHD has matured (preteen) I ventured to make more connections. It’s been positive. But his behaviour has matured and he no longer has public meltdowns. Things will change OP. Your child WILL mature, and it will get easier. The amount of people who said the same to me was staggering and I never believed them so in a way I can’t expect you to!! But try and trust me. Find a small, non judgy circle and fuck the others. ☺️

@Borogrover I know it's been hours but I just wanted to say I'm sorry if you found my post tone deaf. It was late and I didn't want you to go unanswered, hopefully the other posters have helped