Would you tell on a serial cheater?

[Wouldyoutellhim]

If you knew someone was a serial cheater on their husband, would you tell them?

For context:

• This person isn't using condoms when they cheat so is definitely putting their husband at risk of STI/STDs.

• She's cheated with 3 men I personally know closely, she slept with each of them on multiple occasions/for a period of time (these I know for fact).

But I have been advised by a friend that she knows of others she has slept with. (I cant personally vouch for these)

• Her husband adores her, would do anything for her and would be crushed if he knew. He has always wanted children, but she never did so he got a vasectomy to make her happy as its what she wanted, I find this sad that he has given up his chance of having children for a woman who cheats on him constantly. They are in their early 30s at present.

I'm not very close with her husband, we used to be friends but are just acquaintances now so not sure how I would even tell him. Just curious on opinions really

Part of me thinks I don't want to get involved and it's not my business, I also don't want the backlash for telling him etc. But I also would want to know if my partner was making a fool of me like that and I'd be humiliated if so many knew and kept me in the dark

YABU: It's not your business, stay out of it

YANBU: He deserves to know

I'd do it anonymously. He may not take it as seriously if it's presented to him anonymously, but at least you'll have tried. If he doesn't want to know, he can easily ignore it.

Me too, I would use gloves to avoid finger prints.😅 Suggest that he hires a PI and attend a sexual health clinic.

No, I've been in this position twice (though male cheaters) and the only person it ended badly for was me!
Never again!

Yeah, they should play pass the bucket, that's an excellent strategy.

I would want to know, for sure.

Just go back and tap the right thing and it will change

I would want to know if this was me, especially as you know his health is being out at risk.

Perhaps they do have an arrangement and he may be aware of some of what she is doing, so if you do tell him (I would, you aren’t close with either so have nothing to lose if it goes badly), acknowledge that could be the case, but I doubt it.

If he recently had the vasectomy, it's more likely to be reversible than if he'd had it some years ago.

If he finds out now, he has options.

I wouldn’t say anything. Their circus/monkeys etc. I wouldn’t meddle in someone else’s marriage.

I was in a situation where I was cheated on by my ex BF, with a woman who was in a very long term relationship - I knew her but not very well.

I told her partner, he was initially shocked but then admitted he “knew deep down”.

He was saying he was going to end the relationship with her etc… he wouldn’t put up with it anymore.

I didn’t tell him with the hope he’d end the relationship, that was his decision but he had the right to know the truth. He did seem scared of losing her and the thought of being alone. She called me up shouting abuse, calling me a liar etc.

Anyway, they’re still together. She’s likely still messing around. He’s clearly ok with turning a blind eye and believing her lies.

I would always tell, people have the right to know, but just be prepared that some people are happy to keep plodding on in a broken relationship and maintain the status quo.

I would. I was cheated on and really wish I'd known years earlier. I would very much not assume the OH knows.

Surely at some point she will be careless and become pregnant, then poor vasectomy husband will have a horrifying realisation.

Unless other forms of birth control are in play.

The poor man needs to know.

Yes for the health reasons.

So how is your friend Carrie, OP?

Who are all these betrayed people who are being cheated on and ‘KNOW’ but prefer to turn a ‘blind eye’?!?!

I’ve honestly NEVER met anyone who fits into this category and I know many people who have been cheated on all were utterly blindsided and none have since said they wouldn’t have wanted to know. I’ve known betrayed who have stayed with serial cheats and still felt blindsided.

It amazes me that this is used as an argument to prevent a person being given their right to personal agency and informed sexual consent back.

Just tell him, anonymously if you wish. What he does with the information is up to him but just tell him. He could be having a family, a life with someone who truly cares how can anyone deny him that chance?!

So she is putting herself at risk of pregnancy? She must be insane.

I know she was on the pill pre-vasectomy, I doubt she is still on it now unless she's on it for period management. Who knows. She was always the careless type.

I am definitely leaning more so towards telling him now that I have gotten others opinions, I just need to think of the right way of doing it

Yes, I would tell on any kind of cheater.

Did you tell him OP I’ve just come across your post and when it said he had the snip I thought how cruel that Woman is and he definitely needs to know poor man