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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Are you allowed carers leave for this??

63 replies

CalmFawn · 18/07/2025 20:32

My DD is 5. She’s had a small lump on her face for a few months that the GP said was a cyst but it’s grown suddenly and we’ve found out this week it’s a tumour. She needs to have some tests and scans over the next few weeks and the date for removal is in 2 weeks.

am I allowed any carers leave for this? My boss says no as it’s not an emergency as it’s ’pre booked’ but I think a tumour is quite a big thing?! And the only reason it’s not being removed asap as they need to do other tests first. I’m not allowed to take annual leave or unpaid leave as it’s August and fully booked

should I accept that I can’t take any leave?

im waiting to hear back from HR but though I’d ask here to see if anyone has any opinions

I work for the nhs but can’t find the trust policies online

thank you

OP posts:
MarySueSaidBoo · 18/07/2025 21:21

It's very tough managing staffing levels over school holidays but I must admit that I'd move heaven and earth to try and help you out (small business owner). Can you appeal to any colleagues to swap? I hope things go well for your DD.

Supersoarer · 18/07/2025 21:26

Worked in public sector for 30 years.

Yes your only 'by the book' option here is unpaid parental leave. If you get signed off and take sick leave, be careful you don't trigger any thresholds for a warning. They can be surprisingly low.

FloofyBird · 18/07/2025 21:27

Are you asking about the nhs policy on carers leave or carers leave as now covered by legislation? This is the eligibility criteria for the latter https://www.gov.uk/carers-leave otherwise you can ask for parental leave

Unpaid carer’s leave

Employer and employee guide to unpaid carer’s leave - who can take it, how long for, when can employers postpone or delay.

https://www.gov.uk/carers-leave

Gemmawemma9 · 18/07/2025 21:28

This is insane. Go off sick with stress. I wouldn’t hesitate. I hope your daughter is ok x

FancyCatSlave · 18/07/2025 21:36

I’m not in the NHS, I’m in HE but we’d tell
someone to just take all the time
they need and we’d sort of the logistics of how it is covered later- depending on how long it turns out to be in total. Likely a mix of compassionate leave, annual leave and unpaid leave.

But we aren’t massive arseholes.

I don’t understand the management thinking of denying annual leave because it’s all “booked up” when all it means is that the person will get signed off sick and be absent anyway. It makes absolutely bugger all difference to staff cover in any role!

But I wouldn’t expect it to all be annual leave either. Sick kids are sick kids. My only gripe is when in a couple it is only the woman taking time off. I have an expectation that it is shared.

Wonderfulstuff · 18/07/2025 21:44

I utilised carers leave for a scheduled operation and immediate recovery period for my then DC4. This was a benefit specific to my organisation at the time, so not statutory, but very much the norm there to utilise it for such an event. We had 5 days to call upon as and when we needed- and more would have been offered in a serious emergency (at managers discretion).

On a separate note, I would hope as a manager I would offer a little more compassion and humanity than you seem to have received OP. This must be a worrying time and work shouldn't be at the front of your mind. Hope everything goes to OK.

dynamiccactus · 18/07/2025 21:45

Gloriia · 18/07/2025 21:20

'For example, I didn’t get carer’s leave when I had to accompany my husband to a colonoscopy under sedation.'

But he isn't your child, the op is her dc's primary carer. Anyone could've accompanied your dh.

A colonoscopy is an investigation for cancer and other serious illnesses. It's not for anyone to accompany at all.

The OP's boss is a complete arsehole.

stichguru · 18/07/2025 21:46

I'm as sorry your daughter is sick and that your boss is a complete and utter arsehole. Technically your boss is right, but they can't possibly be thinking that you won't be off for this?! Can you go to anyone above your boss who is less of an AH?

godmum56 · 18/07/2025 21:48

Nasty situation. So sorry OP. I used to manage in the NHS and our starting point was to use policies to get the staff member what they needed in such situations. Whatever your Trust's rules are, I don't think that leave in such circumstances can be refused because its a "preplanned" situation or because other people have booked annual leave.

USaYwHatNow · 18/07/2025 21:55

I'm an NHS manager and I provisionally granted carers/dependents leave for a parent whose child was undergoing investigations for a possibly serious illness. It went to our control panel who declined it and I got into a world of red tape 🙄

Generally our rules are it's used for the first 24-48 hours of a sudden, emergency situation and then anything after that is taken as unpaid or annual leave.

ChillWith · 18/07/2025 21:55

So sorry your daughter is going through this. It must be such a stressful time for you all. Is she expected to be in hospital after the operation or will she be home recovering? Are you able to Wfh at all? Surely your boss would allow you that with some adjustment on your hours? Is your work really busy in August? Your boss sounds like an absolute sociopath. Anyone with a heart would allow a parent time off to look after their child in these extenuating circumstances. Wishing your daughter a quick and positive recovery and you all the very best in getting this situation resolved.

MissFahrenheit · 18/07/2025 22:05

In my NHS trust it wouldn’t be carers leave - that has to be a last minute issue and only one day at a time. It could be ‘special leave’ either paid or unpaid depending on managers discretion. Or emergency annual leave, even if all annual leave is booked, as realistically you aren’t going to go to work on the day DC is having surgery. That would be a better option for the employer than paid sick leave, but if they can’t see that then it’s their own fault if you’re forced to take that route.

WimbyAce · 18/07/2025 22:08

I mean at the end of the day you aren't going in so it's up to them what they put it down as. It may be unauthorised unpaid leave but so be it.

BoarBrush · 18/07/2025 22:09

BeamMeUpCountMeIn · 18/07/2025 20:47

Typical NHS.
I'd get signed off with stress, because you are bloody stressed.

I hope your DD is much better very soon.

"Typical NHS"
Yet you want the op to take the piss out of her gp surgery to get a sick note?

Typical NHS indeed.

Kirbert2 · 18/07/2025 22:16

I ended up losing my job when my son had cancer. It's outrageous that there's no paid leave for parents when their child is ill enough to be in hospital.

I hope it all goes well with your daughter, it's awful to have to be worrying about this too.

MoralHighGroundGrandWizard · 18/07/2025 22:20

I’m a manager in the NHS and have worked at several trusts. Carers leave is for emergency, unplanned events generally so not for pre planned surgeries, even if they are urgent.
in this instance, I would say to take whatever time was needed and we would figure out the logistics of documenting it after the fact when the dust was settled.
im sorry your manager is such an arse.

Praying4Peace · 18/07/2025 22:24

LobsterPants · 18/07/2025 20:36

Of course you can!

Surely pre booked would mean a regular dentists appointment or routine check up. This sounds urgent.

Good luck, hope everything is ok x

This
Also NHS has a clear policy on this and circumstances re prebooked etc are at discretion of manager.
Given the circumstances, your manager would be pretty harsh not to support this.
I have had a management role in NHS

Calamitousness · 18/07/2025 22:42

I know what I’m talking about here and it’s sick leave you need to take. If he’d been smart he could’ve granted you AL despite making his life difficult and needing to find cover. As it is, you need to see your GP and tell him/her you are too anxious and upset to go to work at that time and you would be unable to function. You are sick because of stress and worry about your child. I actually think this is the best option as you will need longer than a couple of weeks to support her recovery at home as well. Let your boss know that you are incredibly stressed for personal reasons and you will be seeing your GP soon to discuss how best to be supported by them. Ask to be referred to OH. They will all be supportive of your sick line of personal stress. Please don’t worry. Your manager will have to support you. I hope your daughter recovers well.

cherish123 · 18/07/2025 22:49

CalmFawn · 18/07/2025 21:17

Thanks everyone!

I’ll wait for HR to get back in touch on Monday and I’ll get in touch with the GP if they can’t allow the one day off. Realistically I think a few weeks of sickness would be better anyway. DD is currently an inpatient and our stress levels are unreal!

thank you for the well wishes 💕

All the best. Work stress is really not what you need right now. Hope you DD recovers quickly.

Beautifulsunflowers · 18/07/2025 23:22

How awful for you op and your dd, to be going through this and to have work to worry about it horrid.
I also work for the nhs and my bosses would give me the time one way or another.
Definitely see your gp and get signed off with stress - work will manage, they will have to. Your dd is more important.
Hoping everything goes ok for her x

jamimmi · 18/07/2025 23:35

Good.grief i seen to have one of.the few.non compassionate nhs.managers. Dh is disabled. I have an agreed carers passport. Which gives.am.a weeks leave to.support him per year. I.dont abuse it but was recently told by my manager I.must use it when I needed time off to support his treatment. She didn't want me to use annual leave
If yr.manager is a band 7 sister I'd go to your matron / department head for support. If no support then GP with stress. A 5 yr old.with a tumor needs .her mum

Hercisback1 · 18/07/2025 23:42

This is crazy, get signed off by your GP with stress please.

Ilovewillow · 18/07/2025 23:49

I run my own business and so don’t say this lightly but that’s really shitty of your employer. If needs be the sick leave. I hope all goes well!

nocoolnamesleft · 18/07/2025 23:54

I think people don't realise how shitty an employer the NHS can be. Obviously you're going to have to take the time off, so you'd think they'd work with you to try and work out the best way to do it. If they won't, the stress probably will make you absolutely genuinely unfit to work.

CandidRobin · 18/07/2025 23:56

It's my understanding that carer's leave is for something sudden and unforeseen and allows a few days for alternative arrangements to be made, at least that's the policy for my employer. You should absolutely be granted unpaid leave if you have no annual leave left in your circumstances no matter what the situation is with your team re cover etc.