Need advice

[Anonymous23458d]

I know I've made posts before but I need to vent. This is all getting abit too much for me and I'm made to feel like there's something wrong with me from my husband.
Tonight as always i made tea for my 3 yo and 10 month old and my husband came down to eat too. I had a drink for myself on the table with ice cubes in which I share with my son (he only likes ice in his drink) . My husband went and drank half of it despite me saying thats ours he just laughed. I didnt say anything else to keep the peace. He then went and drank all of what was rest of my drink and started laughing about it whilst eating the food I'd made. I said can u not replace that he said there's nothing to replace it with and carried on laughing whilst eating the food I'd made. I wanted to rip that food off him or throw it at his face but I didn't. Because he didn't like the atmosphere he'd created he went upstairs for me to deal with feeding the baby and cleaning up etc and bath time.
After I did that but before the bath I took baby and 3yo upstairs where he was lay in bed and asked if he could look after him whilst I run the bath. (Bearing in mind he's not been with them all day) i went downstairs to get something and heard this almighty bang. I ran upstairs and my 3yo ran out saying babies fallen off the bed. I was shocked the noise was so loud and he was hysterical. Because i was upset I wanted to know how it happened and was just angry and upset. My husband shut the door in my face saying there's something wrong wirh me why do I behave like this and to go away etc. All because I was concerned for my child.
Would anyone else put up with this behaviour?
There was no remorse or guilt from him none.he didn't even seem concerned or sad that my baby had fallen a part of me thinks he's done this to hurt me further I can't trust him or rely on him I needed to say this to someone. When I say it to him there's something wrong with me I'm irrational it was just an accident etc. But he was with them for 2 minutes and it added with the constant disrespect

You poor thing 😢 At the start of your post, I thought you were overreacting about the drink thing.
But the problem runs so much deeper than that and he’s really just a dickhead.
The very LEAST he should be able to do is to keep your children safe. But he can’t even manage that and then turns it round on you!
Sorry OP 😞

Is there a reason you're choosing to stay with this idiot?

Is the baby ok? Must have been a horrible fall by the sound of it

Give her a break. I hate it when this is the go-to response. Yes, he’s a bloody idiot, but it’s not black & white when you have kids together. Hopefully the OP will reach the same conclusion and leave him. But until then, non-judgemental support is always good.

Omg Op this is one nasty piece of work.
He seems to be trying to intimidate you and I feel is only one step away from physical abuse.
Have you somewhere you can go and take the children.
I really don’t think you or your children are safe around this man, his behaviour is unhinged.

First things first, is your baby OK or does he/she need medical attention? If you google healthline and baby fell off bed it'll give you some things to look out for (it won't let me post a link). Second, it doesn't sound like a healthy relationship and if your husband respects or cares about you, or your little ones very much. And you don't deserve to be treated like that.

The answer could also be relevant to the responses, no need to have a go at other posters, you aren’t any better!

I’m so sorry op, it does sound like he doesn’t care about any of you very much at all. Very often when we start to spot things we realise just how much we are putting up with. Can you get in touch with women’s aid ? They will be able to give you helpful advice and information x

It's not just your baby, it's his baby too. I'm sure he felt awful and you going daft at him definitely wouldn't have helped. I don't think either of you are blameless and you sound worse than him tbh.

@rosealone I did not go 'daft at him' I was obviously concerned for my child and showed normal concern and wanting to know what at happened. I was angry at how irresponsible he is for 2 minutes yes but I didn't show that. I wanted to make sure he was okay. How do I sound worse than him? You sound like not a nice person

I'd 'go daft' at my idiot of a husband if our baby had had one hell of a fall in the whole couple of minutes he was supposed to be watching him while I ran the bath after he'd been a total arsehole from go to woah, too. He doesn't sound particularly concerned about the wellbeing of the babe, neither, just using it as more ammo to gaslight OP.

It's not just your baby, it's his baby too. I'm sure he felt awful and you going daft at him definitely wouldn't have helped
The way the op posts I'm assuming they are not his DC. Clearly DC are 'my' not 'our'. If they are your joint DC then I think his care style is as valid as yours, if he has only recently come into their lives then you need to let him know what is an acceptable way to be with your DC.
I don't really get the ice/drink issue.

Op made a drink for her and their son, made food, put it on the table. He comes down and eats and drinks their drink.
Doesn"t make a new one. If he minded that he didn't get a drink prepared, he should have said so. Op could then have replied that he can chose and make his own, she is caring and cooking and cleaning and so on.
He finishes their drink, creates extra work for op, thinks this is his perfect excuse to run upstairs and dive into bed.
He is gas lighting you op.
My ex was like this. Exactly like this to be honest.
It got worse. He was mentally ill and dangerous.
Now we live in a new clean house without him.
Everyone says how much work it all is for me on my own.
But it is much much less work then when he was around. Sabotaging everything.

"Part of me thinks he's done this to hurt me further".

If you still think this after you've had time to calm down, please seriously consider leaving OP.

10 month old rolling off a surface isn't a red flag in itself, even the most careful parent can take their eye off the ball and the little wrigglers go for it.

But letting a 10 month old hurt themselves in order to punish you is horrendous, and if this is the case leaving would be best for the safety of your children and yourself.

Well he sounds like an arsehole and an irresponsible parent. If my partner was that nasty, I would leave - although I appreciate with two small children, that can feel extremely difficult. Do you have support from family members? Do you feel like you can start to plan to leave?

I asked a question. I didn't pass any judgement. What a bizzare reply.

The circumstances here are pretty important.

If you think that your reply was helpful and didn’t have a righteous tone to it, then fair play.
I’m just not sure what you would expect the OP to say in reply, especially when she’s probably already upset.

Would anyone else put up with this behaviour?

No. I'd be filing for divorce. He's abusive, unpleasant and utterly useless as both a father and a husband. Please consider finding a way to leave.