I’m SOOOO emotional about dd starting school

[Njay3]

My little girl starts school in September and I am a wreck. I’m experiencing secondary infertility and always imagined I’d have another by now but its not just that and I am a MESS. Her nursery “graduated” this week (even though she’s going there all summer) and I’ve cried every day. Am I going nuts or is anyone else insanely emotional about the thought of school?

I was exactly the same, the first day of school I was in bits. I worried all day and the house felt so empty. It’s the first step in letting them go so I think it’s natural to feel this way.

You need to stop dwelling on what you think you've lost and focus on what you have and all you have to look forward to. My DC are adults now and I can tell you, much as I value the early years I had with them, I wouldn't trade these amazing people for the little children they once were. As your DD grows and ventures out she will gain layers of personality, experience and knowledge that will bring you joy you can't yet imagine. Don't lose out on today because you're too busy crying over losing yesterday. You have much to look forward to.

I'm sorry about your loss & your struggle to have a second child 🤗❤️

it's obviously making you even more emotional than usual. But some of us just feel things more intensely. Sometimes you just need to accept you feel what you feel 🤷🏻‍♀️

one thing I learned about myself is that im
st my worst leading up to the event, but once it's happened I'm ok. Many stages past nursery now, but I was the same at each stage.

as long as you try really hard to be positive with her about the change & exciting new phase, then don't worry about it. Just let yourself feel how you feel, knowing you'll be fine once it's happened xx

I went to pick my year 3 niece up from school yesterday, last day of term. I cried at the teachers and parents clapping the year six leavers, not my kids not my school, wtf, I’m tearing up now writing this. So emotional so I can relate

I didn't really feel this way with nursery. DC1 was a September birthday and was so ready for the transition - there was no "she's too little, time has flown too quickly" emotion as she had been ready for the next step for the past year and it felt overdue. And with DC2... Well it was COVID. I hadn't set foot in the nursery building for 12 months, not did we have any more build up for school other than a letter saying drop him off at 8:45 on X date, you won't be allowed in the building. So it didn't feel much of a thing.

But...I can already see in myself that the end of primary next year will be something I feel a lot. Maybe it is because I'm not in as good a place emotionally as I was during the nursery years. I'm trying to make it less of a thing in my head to manage myself.

I understand how you feel, I too had secondary infertility and several MCs. I’ve slowly accepted that I’m ‘one and done’ but it was a situation that was forced- it wasn’t my choice. I actually had some counselling which helped a lot.
DC is 7 now and I still get emotional about milestones.
It’s hard when all your firsts are also your lasts.
Sending hugs x

I had 11 miscarriages between my eldest and my youngest. My eldest was three weeks away from turning 5 when I had my youngest. I remember this pain so well. You are not unreasonable at all, this is a huge step without the added pain of secondary infertility. I just wanted to say that you’re not alone. It’s ok to be in your feelings about this!

The key word here is ‘instagram’. It’s performative parenting. They want everyone to see how much they love their children and can’t bear to see them growing up. It’s for likes and to make others feel that unless you’re in the car outside the school wailing like an attendee at a North Korean dictators funeral then you’re a lesser parent.

I was really surprised at how upset I felt seeing year 6 leavers that didn't have anything to do with me. I think it comes from my own very negative experiences at secondary school, I wasn't even that sad to leave primary myself.

I've said this before but I think we've got loads of adults who were traumatised by secondary education themselves and this is where a lot of the year 6 leavers dramatics comes from.

All that said it would never occur to me to turn my angst into a performance on social media and it's always best to aim to be positive about it with your children.

I was like this when my eldest left nursery but she has left year 6 and I’m not because I have realised how much better life is once they’re older and real people. We stayed up last night to watch the football (as we will every match until it’s over), we go and do mutual hobbies together and they’re just so much more fun to be around.

The played slipping through my fingers at the leavers assembly and although my children need me less, the time we are together is much more meaningful and fun. Less soft play sitting and more doing things together.

This is normal. When your child starts a new phase of independence like this, many people get all nostalgic for the baby years and have a new baby / get a puppy. You should see the state of parents at the end of primary school too!

I was really really bad when my DC was starting school- I lost sleep over it for months beforehand. We settled into it surprisingly quickly! That same DC is off to uni in September and I am exactly the same! I know it's the right thing and will be good for them, but there's a sadness that the norm will change. I'll miss them so much- they're brilliant company and I enjoy every stage of parenting them!

I'm in the same boat OP - 2 years of trying for our second and recently found out our IVF round failed.
I was talking to a mum in the park the other day and and saying how sad I was about my DD going to school and she was saying how happy she was to get to spend time with just her youngest (1 yo) that got me and I had a little cry afterwards.

It's so hard being parent of an only not by choice 😪

Oh you poor thing, lots of emotional things going on for you, give yourself some grace. I was emotional but it helped to book something for myself (if you can) on that first or second school day (obviously if you work full time then not possible but I did pt). I booked in lunch with a friend (dd always finished pre achool at lunch so never did this before) and then a massage in the afternoon. I also booked something "big girl" in for both of us for half term (i think we went to the theatre) It just reminded me of the extra freedom I was getting, the things we could do as a pair now she was older, the things I could do for myself. Was I still sad - yes, but it gave me things to look forward to that i couldnt have done in our pre-school days and I've relished the time for me and the joys of an older child and the things we share now she's bigger.