Weekend arrangements co-parenting

[CosyNavyLeader]

Can you please show me what the set up is in your situation?

Daughters dad wants to do this:

Week 1: pick up Friday from school 3pm. Drop home 12 afternoon Saturday.

Week 2: Pick up Saturday afternoon around 2pm. Drop home Sunday 5pm.

Does this seem the average set up?

Child is 13.

Oh, and he has her for tea on a Wednesday evening for about 2 hours after school.

What does she want?

How much does the other parent work duting the week?

Are you, your daughter and your ex happy with the arrangement? If so, that’s really all that matters.

My ex had our kids every other weekend to start with. Now it’s about 3-4 times a year for the eldest and the younger one doesn’t go at all. That’s down to ex’s piss poor relationship with the kids btw.

There's not much weekending going on on his part

So you never get a full weekend off and his life barely changes. If DD is happy, that's all that matters, but I'd be a bit pissed off that even from a distance he gets to control your free time to that extent.

That's a pretty pathetic level of parenting on his part, why will he not parent more equally?

At 13 your child can choose when to visit the man.

I wouldn’t like this. So you are never able to take your own child on holiday over a weekend or go away yourself?

We do EOW, my exh picks the kids up 9am on Sat on his weekend until dropping them back at school at 9am Tue (also does both school runs on Mon).

I have a 50/50 split with XH so that sounds like nothing to me. I'm not sure how he hopes to maintain much of a relationship if that's all he sees her.

If you and DD are happy, that's what matters most.

However, I'd push for the same arrangement every time. What if you want to go to join a class (for example)? You wouldn't be able to commit to 10 am on Saturday because your schedule would be constantly changing.

Same applies to your DD. If she decided she wanted to join a Sunday football club (it's just an example), would XH facilitate on the Sunday morning he does have her?

I'd give some thought to that sort of thing.

It doesn't seem equal just looking at those 48h. But - is he generous with maintenance, does he have her in the week?
Mine is
6pm Fri to midday Saturday one week and Sat midday to 4pm Sunday the next but he's generous and prompt with maintenance and always happy to swop for the odd impromptu event.

@PicaK it says he sees the child for 2 hours on one weekday. I don't know how these deadbeats look at themselves in the mirror.

what does your daughter think?

Week 2 is rubbish, she doesn’t get a weekend at home.

Wouldn’t it be easier for you and him if one weekend he doesn’t have her, and the other weekend he has her from school on Friday and then drops her off Sunday evening (or to school on Monday)?

It's not great. So you never get a Saturday afternoon either for yourself or a full one with DC. Seems overly messy. Would EOW not work better?

At 13, realistically it’s going to need to be more flexible than that because she’s going to have social things going on.

What if she has a sleepover on a Friday? It means he has her for say 2-3 hours after school and picks her up 11am the next day and dumps her back to yours overtired (or better yet, just expects you to collect her because he’s nearly off the clock)?

It would make more sense for you each to have a weekend. Then if she has a sleepover, he still gets to spend time with her (and deal with the post-sleepover slump) the rest of Saturday and all day Sunday. With this arrangement as suggested, the bulk of their time together is probably when she’s asleep. 🤷🏻‍♀️

Two weekends a month would be easier to plan life around.

My 12 and 14 year old do every other weekend Friday after school til Sunday evening, we swap weekends about if either of us have something on. We also live close enough that the kids can still see friends etc wherever they’re based for the weekend.

No, alternate the weekends.

Thanks for the replies.

Daughter would like to see him more.

He pays £200 a month child maintenance.

He seems to prefer to see her less as he has a new girlfriend and step kids.