Am I being selfish

ByLovingGuide · 2025-07-18T11:58:34+00:00

I have 3 girls and 1 boy am I being selfish to want to try for a boy for my son so that he can experience having a brother? I’m 42 will be 43 soon. Am I being selfish anyone else been in my position if so did you go ahead and got pregnant at my age? I know a boy is not guaranteed or getting pregnant at my age. My husband is on board with it so that’s no issue.

TwattyMcFuckFace · 18/07/2025 13:00

Yes.

Well, more ridiculous than selfish unless you have a magic potion that can guarantee the sex of your baby.

If you two want to be parents again then go for it.

But leave out the silly reasoning.

ArabiattaPrawn · 18/07/2025 13:03

A baby is a whole person in their own right, they're not an accessory for your existing kids. There's no guarantee you'll have a boy, and even if you did he might not get on well with your son. If you want another baby because you want another baby then that's fine, but it's ridiculous to have one just as a playmate for your child when he already has 3 sisters.

Upsetbetty · 18/07/2025 13:05

And if it’s another girl?…

lastapache · 18/07/2025 13:06

I think you need to be careful regarding your motivations here. How will you feel if you have another girl? Disappointed? Disappointed for your son? How would you make sure your daughter never picked up on this? Having a fifth child in your early forties is going to take a large toll on your emotional and physical health. Are you 100% all in if the child is a girl, or indeed if the child has additional needs (which is a much higher chance given your age).

If it's another child that you want, and in the end you don't really mind the gender, have decided you can cope if they have additional needs, and are in a strong place mentally and physically, I say go for it. But if your motivation is mainly to provide your son with a brother, I'd say don't do it.

TheCurious0range · 18/07/2025 13:08

Isn't 4 already enough? I know a family with 6 girls because they 'had to keep trying for a boy ' imagine how that feels for the girls, especially the youngest 5. What if you have a bit and he doesn't get on with his brother? This is a ridiculous reason to have another baby

MsJemimaPuddleDuck · 18/07/2025 13:09

considering your age, yabu. What if its a girl also? You have 4 kids, thats plenty.

Upsetbetty · 18/07/2025 13:13

What if it’s twins…twin girls? Sorry @ByLovingGuide i just think it would be daft decision.

MangaMoo · 18/07/2025 13:17

I’ve just had a baby at 44. I don’t feel too old and I am loving it. Age isn’t the issue, but just be sure you want the child regardless of anything else. If you do, you don’t need to justify that to anyone else beyond you and your family unit.

Lmnop22 · 18/07/2025 13:24

Boys don’t need brothers! That’s not a thing.

They can have male friends of their age outside the family…

ButteredRadish · 18/07/2025 13:44

MangaMoo · 18/07/2025 13:17

I’ve just had a baby at 44. I don’t feel too old and I am loving it. Age isn’t the issue, but just be sure you want the child regardless of anything else. If you do, you don’t need to justify that to anyone else beyond you and your family unit.

Selfish as fuck. My mum was 44 when she had me and I’ll never forgive her for it. My childhood was miserable, she was exhausted by the time I was a toddler. Couldn’t do what the other mums could. All just to satisfy her own maternal urges. Now I’m middle aged, my DC have no grandparents I was a young carer for my parents in the end, for years. Just selfish.

Morgenrot25 · 18/07/2025 13:44

Are you sure you're not just trying to justify having another child? 4 is more than plenty, plus you have no hope of guaranteeing the sex anyway. 😵‍💫

MangaMoo · 18/07/2025 14:16

ButteredRadish · 18/07/2025 13:44

Selfish as fuck. My mum was 44 when she had me and I’ll never forgive her for it. My childhood was miserable, she was exhausted by the time I was a toddler. Couldn’t do what the other mums could. All just to satisfy her own maternal urges. Now I’m middle aged, my DC have no grandparents I was a young carer for my parents in the end, for years. Just selfish.

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Wow you’re bitter and I’m sorry for you that you feel that way. Pretty sure my kids won’t though as believe me I put 100% effort in for them. Not everyone has the same story as you.

Original poster

ByLovingGuide · 18/07/2025 21:32

Maybe I should not thinking of it these comments do help and make sense. I just thought maybe giving my son a brother would make him more happy he loves his sisters and is very happy with them im just thinking of boys doing boy stuff etc with a brother…. But I know a boy is not guaranteed I know this already.. if it’s a girl I would love her to death of course.

OP posts:

Evaka · 18/07/2025 21:40

Four is a big family. If he's happy with the siblings he has, leave it be.

Panterusblackish · 18/07/2025 21:48

Boy stuff? Bit regressive. Maybe just teach all your kids that they can do what they like for their pastimes regardless of sex.

He's lucky to have those sisters. They're probably already being socially conditioned to care for him in a way that he will never be expected to return.

Upsetbetty · 18/07/2025 21:50

ByLovingGuide · 18/07/2025 21:32

Maybe I should not thinking of it these comments do help and make sense. I just thought maybe giving my son a brother would make him more happy he loves his sisters and is very happy with them im just thinking of boys doing boy stuff etc with a brother…. But I know a boy is not guaranteed I know this already.. if it’s a girl I would love her to death of course.

Edited

More happy how…he doesn’t know any difference…you could give him a brother and they could end up not liking each other. That’s very possible too…

Original poster

ByLovingGuide · 18/07/2025 21:59

Panterusblackish · 18/07/2025 21:48

Boy stuff? Bit regressive. Maybe just teach all your kids that they can do what they like for their pastimes regardless of sex.

He's lucky to have those sisters. They're probably already being socially conditioned to care for him in a way that he will never be expected to return.

So true…

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Shar270 · 18/07/2025 21:59

Even if you did have a boy it doesn't mean they'd get along, i know a few people with boys that argue and fight all the time.

Original poster

ByLovingGuide · 18/07/2025 22:01

Upsetbetty · 18/07/2025 21:50

More happy how…he doesn’t know any difference…you could give him a brother and they could end up not liking each other. That’s very possible too…

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that’s a fair comment to make. I did not really think of it like that…

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Katemax82 · 18/07/2025 23:01

I had a baby at 42, he was unplanned but I secretly hoped for a girl as I had 2 boys and a girl already. Never hope for a specific gender as it rarely works out (my boy is an absolute delight BTW I just would have liked a bit of balance)

CanIJustReadMyBookPls · 19/07/2025 00:30

In my experience, personality is what makes the difference in which siblings get on best, not sex.

SnowFrogJelly · 19/07/2025 00:37

4 kids is more than enough

fraughtcouture · 19/07/2025 00:40

Will you be financially providing for your fifth child yourself?