Aibu for feeling like no one wants to know me without my baby?

[Danielle9721]

So anytime anyone invites me out it’s always wanting me to bring my baby with me and no one messages to see how I am anymore or even asks me out for coffee only ever being the baby out bring the baby out and I feel like I’m completely lost in being a mum and patner I’m forever doing washing, cleaning, feeding, changing or looking after everyone else and I just feel so guilty for feeling shit as I feel I shouldn’t be hating people for not wanting to see how I am or even see if I need a break

Tell your friends that you’d like to meet without the baby sometimes. Explain that you’re going a bit stir crazy and just want a “normal” conversation and evening out, or a walk which doesn’t involve pushing a pram. Message to suggest a meet up. Being proactive is important when your life has recently changed so much.

Without more context, it’s entirely possible your friends are simply trying to accommodate you: they aren’t sure if you’re comfortable with being away from your baby, or they don’t want you to feel that you’re going to be edged out now that you have a baby so are going to lengths to assure you that’s fine to bring them.

would you not just say you would prefer go out without the baby for a break ? I find it unusual that people would want the baby there all the time. Perhaps they are trying to be accommodating as pp has suggested.

Without more context, it’s entirely possible your friends are simply trying to accommodate you

This!

So many posts on here about being sidelined by people now they have a kids and don't have childcare for 'adult' meet ups.

Maybe they're being polite as they worry you might not have any choice but to bring the baby. And obviously it's good they think it's cute.

Just say you're really looking forward to some adult company so no, you're not bringing the baby. I don't find babies fascinating company so if I was your friends I'd be delighted you wanted to meet alone. Tell them no baby, So let's get pissed! 🤣

I mentioned to one of my friends would be nice just to have an adult conversation without having to worry about bringing the baby and just have that little hour or 2 to myself and wasn’t very much helpful feel like I’m losing the plot since becoming a mum he’s 4 months today and not once have I had an hour out to myself my partner has offered to have him multiple times while I go for a coffee or day out to myself and just never seems to go to plan they either asking “oh why not bring the baby along” or they offer to have him like I’m asking for a bit of adult time not for you to have the baby and my family’s getting the same they live away and they keep calling to see the baby or ask me to bring him up and they have him while I go out and it’s just getting to me a little as they dont seem to have time to bother with me anymore just want to have the baby or me bring the baby with me and just don’t no if I’m being a bit rude by saying something or if I’m overthinking things

Bit of a strange situation - most people have it the other way round.
Just organise a non child friendly meet up (in the evening, involving alcohol etc) or just say no thanks, I need adult only time.

I’ve mentioned to a friend be nice to go out for a meal have adult conversation without having to feed or settle the baby while trying to talk and even just have that grown up conversation so fingers crossed

Guilty as charged. I do this and thought it was the right thing to do.

I don't have children but my friends do and I never want them to feel that I don't want them to bring their child, especially when it's very young.

Would you not just say, oh I'd actually love a break from the parenting, I'll come alone this time.

Have mentioned a few times I’d love a bit of adult time or even just the hour without the baby and rather than us doing something together it’s more so they want to mind the baby it’s nice they offer but not understanding I need some adult time rather than them minding the baby

Let them mind the baby and then go do something else. Go see a film. Get a massage. Get your hair done. Read a book.

In my experience, friends only say "bring the baby" because they're trying to be nice. They also assume maybe it's easier for you to bring the baby.

I felt the same as you, I just always replied wonderful, see you soon, leaving DS with his dad so we can have a proper chat xx

Stop mentioning it and just plan it yourself. Leave the baby with your husband make a plan with your friends. If they say it would be nice to bring the baby tell them no.

I'm in the exact same boat so know how it feels! I appreciate their interest in the baby, but it does mean that I never get any time to feel like myself or leave the house without a load of organisational stress. Particularly with my family - I've basically ceased to exist (even when I was v poorly post-partum) except as the person who can bring the baby to visit them. As others have said, I'd recommend just explicitly saying that you want an adults only meet up and if that doesn't work out, make sure to take time for yourself by going to get your nails done or going to get a coffee by yourself.

Definitely going to just plan a time where it’s just adults and not with the baby just feel awful having to feel like this or even feeling like I have to push not having the baby with me