I’m worried- I know I’m in the wrong.

[MummaHud]

I am having troubles with a friend at the moment, I’ve confided in a mutual friend- mainly because she can play devils advocate, she agreed that the way I’ve been spoken too is disgusting and she helped me navigate the situation, emotionally and supportively. I really appreciate her.

I’m closer to this friend I’ve confided in, than my other friend is to her ( if that makes sense ).

we’ve been there through each other on lots of up and downs and confidential situations.. at the time I said things I didn’t mean, out of upset and frustration and I’m so worried, paranoid and probably in my own head that she will go behind my back and tell my other friend what I was saying.

I’ve never not been able to trust her in the past, she’s always good at playing devils advocate and wanting everyone to be friends, so I’m not sure she will….

I think I just regret the way my upset made me react.. please be kind, what the other friend was saying to me really really broke my heart, I’m 8 weeks out from my wedding… and the way I was spoken too gave me muscle twitches and stressed me out so much I developed a stye, it wasn’t a nice situation for me to be in and I just needed to speak to someone naturally.

not really sure what I’m asking for, I guess it’s a don’t worry about it unless the situation arises situation…. I suffer with anxiety anyway.

Well you can’t undo what you said. Maybe have another chat and explain you said things in the moment you didn’t mean. I am sure she probably knew that anyway

Op, sorry to hear you are so stressed but can I ask if what was said to you was so bad why are you concerned your friend will repeat your feelings on the matter? You're allowed to vent if someone has upset you and you're allowed to comment on someting if it involves you. If your friend does blab (i dont think she will) then own it by explaining or maybe you need to tell the other friend how you feel yourself therefore not allowing anyone else to get there first.

I would take control and explain to the friend who was horrible that you said x,y and Z about her in anger over her comments. I wouldn’t wait for the other friend to tell her

Sorry by the time my post was published the first poster had already given you same advice. The horrible friend will know it was fair play after what she did. You’re not in the wrong, you wouldn’t have said horrible things about her unprompted

Sounds as though your closer friend is trustworthy so I wouldn't worry about it. It's normal to need to confide in people sometimes.

I just said how upset I was, how it’s really tarnishing the lead up to my wedding.

the friend who was gunning for me, is actually a bridesmaid who I met 15 years ago through our husbands. She seems to have not taken to NOT being centre of attention very well and I told our mutual friend that I’m not sure I want her to be my bridesmaid anymore ( I still feel like this but it’s too close to the event to cause anymore issues )

I also said I was worried about how she was going to portray me to the other girlfriends / wife’s - but I told her that a lot of their partners don’t like her anyway 😭 which is my main regret, but equally I wouldn’t be lying. The friend I was confiding in replied that she agreed with me, but then deleted the message- which has left me feeling vulnerable, but then deleting a message makes you more guilty imo.

i confided in a friend, but my emotions charged and took control of what I was saying, which I regret- but the feelings were raw and real at the time and I can’t help that.

Speak to the friend you confided in again and say you were so heart broken that you probably went a bit over the top and regret the way you reacted. Do you want to sort out the troubles with the other friend? If not then I guess it doesn't really matter if it gets back to her. If the friend you confided in tells your other friend then you're not going to want to be friends with her either as you'd never trust her again.

I think you need to speak to the friend you confided in again though for your own peace of mind as you know you went OTT.

What did you say and what did she say?

Look, speak to your friend in person and say you regret some stuff. Never do that shit over messages.

However would it be such a bad thing to have the fall out? Friends are supposed to enhance your life.

Ok deleting the message is odd... but stand by your guns. You havent said anything other then your concerns, and yes the other person may not like it but you equally didnt like what was being said to you. Maybe its worth writing in the same chat.. hun why did you delete your message ? But other then this don't stress. If she does go behind your back then you will double know who your friends are. Dont stress. Stand by what you said if anyone confronts you, explain exactly how you feel but I really dont think anything will come of this.

Okay so you really need to chill. This is far too much drama. I've been there, both with the stress in the run up to the wedding and the anxiety diagnosis, but you're getting carried away. I think you need to speak directly to the bridesmaid who was rude to you and either have the fall out or clear the air. You DO NOT want someone there on the wedding morning who makes you feel uncomfortable, so either you sort it or she pulls out. And you know you've done wrong too, so reflect on that, recognise how it's made you feel, and take that into the future with you. Confide in your husband or wife, but confiding in a mutual friend is not particularly kind or wise.

@Inlawsfromhell456 thank you!! These messages happened 2 weeks ago.. so I’m hoping the time has been and gone.

I'd speak to the friend you confided in if I were you, say you regret some of the things you said, you were upset and you didn't mean them to come across as strongly as they did, so could she please keep them to herself.

This was what I was going to say.

And don't put stuff like this in messages. Basically, if you wouldn't pin it on the lampost for all to read, then don't send it.

Not sure why it matters anyway - presumably if your “friend” has caused you this much upset in the run up to your wedding, she’s not worth having as a friend so who cares if she knows what you said?

Also, don’t feel you need to people please your way through life and have people you don’t want in every wedding picture as your bridesmaid. If what she’s said is that despicable then say you don’t want her involved any more and if anyone asks why, tell them what she said to you!

I care too much about what other people feel and think, I think that’s why I’m so cut up about the messages I sent in an emotional upset state. Saying things like ‘My husband says all the other husbands don’t like her anyway’ isn’t really something I usually would say, but I did in upset and anger - he also did say that, but equally I shouldn’t have said it. She responded like ‘Yeh mine says the same’ but she deleted it… I think that’s why I’m paranoid, but a message that says ‘deleted’ in mid convo… is just as suss in my opinion! - it was 2 weeks ago, so I’m hopeful the dust has settled and she won’t say anything?