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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

Original poster

Angry at DH for choosing garden furniture over night away with me!

18 replies

MadamJoJo · 27/05/2008 08:56

I would be laughing at this too, if it hadn't happened to me.

DH and I have never had a night apart from our two DS ( 5 and 2). With the in-laws staying with us this week, I suggested to DH that it would be a good opportunity to nip away for the night as it would do us the world of good ( haven't a proper night's rest in god knows how long, or sat at table together and chatted etc etc). I wasn't suggesting a night at the Hilton, just a B&B by the coast or something similar.

But when I asked DH this morning his reply was: 'it will cost a bit and we need the money for garden furniture".

WTF?

I really need a break.

AIBU to just leave him to his parents and go away on my own?

OP posts:

Roskva · 27/05/2008 09:22

YANBU to leave him to it, selfish so&so that he is. Unless of course you want garden furniture, too.

HappyMummyOfOne · 27/05/2008 09:51

Not sure if you are unreasonable or not.

If you have guests, are they staying knowing they will be left with the kids or did they come to visit you all?

Garden furniture can be expensive but will last a lot longer than a night away so sort of see his point.

Can you not compromise and just go for a meal?

Cappuccino · 27/05/2008 09:59

I think YABU tbh

it does seem a bit of a half-cocked plan: "let's go away! let's leave the kids! let's go, ooooh, somewhere"

if I were your dh I would prob have reacted in the same way. It's quite rude to his parents unless they have specifically offered

if money is tight then these decisions have to be made together, and if dh doesn't want to go, that doesn't make him selfish. No more selfish than you are: "I really need a break"

if I were you I'd ask the in-laws if they minded if you and dh went out for a drink, or a pizza, because you haven't been out together for a long time

I've never been, nor do I see the opportunity arising, away with dh without the kids.

and I do love to sit on my garden furniture with my coffee.

missblythe · 27/05/2008 10:00

Nobody needs garden furniture that much!

Find somewhere you want to go, and present it to him as a fait acompli-he's sure to be keener on the idea if you've already done all the research

Then wait 'til the end of the summer and get some furniture in the sales

Cappuccino · 27/05/2008 10:02

the garden furniture thing could be a red herring

it could be actually that his parents are here and he doesn't want to just sod off and leave them

it's kind of like entrapment. They come up, stay in your house, and then you go "Oh, we're going away for teh night, byeee!"

I wouldn't like it if I were them; maybe he feels the same

Original poster

MadamJoJo · 27/05/2008 10:05

The in laws are happy to have the kids for the night and agree the break would do us good. He is the one objecting.

I am recovering from a critical illness and have been off work and stuck at home for the past six months; i need a change of scene.

Money isn't really a big issue as he spends a good amount on beer each week while I don't, not having been able to drink while I was unwell.

We rarely get the chance to get away as we have no family support nearby. This is why I am so keen to take advantage of the help we have with the kids.

OP posts:

Cappuccino · 27/05/2008 10:10

ah I see

well okay he is being a knob

FluffyMummy123 · 27/05/2008 10:10

Message withdrawn

missblythe · 27/05/2008 10:12

You sound like you REALLY need this.

Talk to him later about how you feel, so he realises you don't just fancy a bit of a jolly, but actually desperately need a night away, want to spend some time with him and get out of your four walls.

Maybe he just doesn't realise how low you are feeling.

singyswife · 27/05/2008 10:13

Just you go and leave them all to it. His parents have said it will do you both good and are willing to go for it what is his problem???? I would just go by my self, book somewhere with a spa.

Cappuccino · 27/05/2008 10:14

you go then, book somewhere

and work out what you want to do in future if you don't have his support

I'm off on a yoga weekend in a couple of weeks for people recovering from illness - it was my dh who said I should go

maybe something like that would be good; just look for something you like, book it, tell him he is looking after the kids, and go

Original poster

MadamJoJo · 27/05/2008 10:18

Yes I desperately need some time away. I have just finished 6-months of chemo and this week am having to deal with sick kids, a house full of guests and am not feeling too great either.

You think the bloke could understand why I need a getaway, just for some fresh air really, a decent uninterrupted meal you know etc etc. But no.

I am getting worked up about this so yes will consider going away on my own, sad as it is.

OP posts:

2point4kids · 27/05/2008 10:18

You go and have a rest. Tell him you are spending the equivalent money to all the beer he has spent on.
If he wants to stay at home with his parents and the kids rather than go with you then thats his loss!
You can have a lovely quiet evening reading and soaking in the bath and then a FULL nights sleep!

Cappuccino · 27/05/2008 10:20

I wouldn't necessarily go away this week

I would wait, look for something really nice that you really wanted to do, rather than sitting on your own in a b&b being cross that your dh isn't there

maybe a creative writing or painting weekend, or a weekend away with a friend

I would tell your dh that you realised that you really needed to get away, but since he didn't want to do it together, you still need a break and have found this thing and booked it

hattyyellow · 27/05/2008 10:26

YANBU at all. My Dh would come out with something similar - we get very very little time away - probably one night a year at best and the recharge it gives to our relationship and stress levels to get away is worth more than a whole house of furniture.

Particulary if you've been ill.

Maybe if you can find somewhere that's nice and not extortionate and find some way of having dinner without it costing a fortune - and present him with the details/cost, would that help?

My DH tends to just calculate a rough figure in his head for things like this which includes all possible costs including an expensive meal - and then just vetoes the idea rather than thinking of ways round things.

Last time we went away we went to the local pub instead of dining at the hotel and saved loads. Time before I got a lovely bottle of wine and some snacky food and we had a romantic picnic in our room...

ALMummy · 27/05/2008 10:29

Go, Go, Go. He sounds selfish.

Totally see where you are coming from with the beer money thing as well. I drink rarely (probably once a year, if that) and DH likes a fair few so probably spending at least £100 a month.

Good advice from Cappuccino as well. Do something you want to do that he probably wouldn't and then you won t be seething that he couldn't be bothered.

Flibbertyjibbet · 27/05/2008 10:47

Whereabouts are you? I have an old deck lounger that we don't have room for in our little yard since we were given a ton of childrens outdoor toys recently!

Oh for an uninterrupted meal.....

Original poster

MadamJoJo · 27/05/2008 11:26

flib, thank you v much for kind offer and to everyone for their suggestions, but now the IL's have offered to pay for the garden furniture, meaning DH doesn't have much of an excuse not to go away. Still he's not keen and won't explain. There's obviously issues there which we could do with some quality time to talk through. I really don't have the energy for this now, though, so have called a friend who lives near the coast and asked her if I can come over tomorrow, and perhaps stay for the night. It feels a bit drastic but I really need some time out.

OP posts:

Flip