To be angry at dh (unappreciated)?

[Threesmycrowd]

Not sure if I'm overreacting, what do you think?

Dh went away for the night on weds to reunite with some close friends who have moved abroad. They met in a town far from where we live so he stayed in a hotel. He had a really great night. I dont begrudge him it at all.

At home, I had a dreadful night as our 5 year old was ill, up and down in the night and eventually I had to take her to a&e in the early hours of the morning (as well as the baby who i had to bring with me).

Last night dh and I were both exhausted - him because he'd been up late having a great time with his friends and me with the problems with the kids. This morning, the baby woke at 5am. I tried to bring him into our bed but he wouldn't resettle. Dh rolled over and carried on sleeping but was aware of what was happening. I eventually got up with the baby.

I feel really angry that dh just let me be the default parent this morning. At the very least I think he should have acknowledged that it was bad luck that the baby woke so early and promised me a lie in tomorrow. But nothing!

I dont work on a friday and dh has a 4-hr drive for work today. So I think he did need the sleep more. Im just wondering whether iabu to feel angry or whether I can speak to him about it later! Dd is okay now. We have some treatment for her and a referral.

YABU but I can see why
you had a perfect storm of illness and no sleep when your DH was with mates
if he’s had a four hour drive then he needs the rest
suggest you have a very chill day today and then nap if the kids do and tell DH youll be having a lay in over the weekend

It's always a difficult one when you aren't working the next day and they are (and in his case have a long drive) but 5am isn't that early that he couldnt have taken this on. I would have been inclined to say over to you and take myself off to sleep on the sofa. Make sure you make it clear he is taking over tomorrow and you are getting a much deserved and uninterrupted lie in!

Difficult one, but if he’s driving 4hrs, right for him to sleep longer.

I think it was the right thing for you to get up due to DH needing to drive.

However, some empathy and appreciation from your husband would go a long way and would help you feel seen. Without this it can chip away at your relationship and resent can set in.

💐

In this instance YABU. However, I hope he acknowledges and appreciates you for this

I would just take both weekend days as long lies and get your husband to be default parent all weekend. Pick your battles. He was working. You weren’t. Delay your turn to relax to when he is off.

So what are you going to do today?

Your husband has a 4 hour drive to work, then he has to presumably work and then drive back or stay over?

Yes I know you're pissed off and tired, but you have all day to catch up.

And have you talked to him about how difficult things were with the children while he was away with his pals?

How doe he feel that his child was ill
enough to have to go to A and E while he was off socialising?

His reaction to the situation you had to face whilst also dealing with a wee baby to me seems the important part of this situation. The picture you paint gives the impression he wasnt/ isn't bothered about the welfare if his own children or you. Is that correct ir was he uncomfortable that he wasnt there in the emergency situation?

Thanks mumsnet and especially @mamabluestar youve made me see that not noticing/appreciating me is the thing that stings, the lie in is just a symptom.

Yes he was concerned about dd. All the 'drama' had passed by the time I told him about it and she's recovering now. There was no sign this would happen before he travelled to the other town.

Message him a friendly message today.

"How's your day going? I am so tired I can't think straight. I definitely need some sleep tonight, so you are definitely on the early get-up duty tomorrow! Do you fancy a takeaway tonight? If I order it can you pick it up on your way back?"

Or whatever words you would use.

He did need the sleep more with work a 4 hour drive ahead of him but it would have been nice if he’d acknowledged that you’re knackered too and asked if you minded getting up because of what he had going on today, then said thank you and that tomorrow is your definitely your turn. I’d be majorly pissed off at the default assumption that you’ll just do it and going straight back to sleep. That way resentment lies. He needs to do better.

I think YABU because if he has a 4 hour drive today he did need the sleep more, in our house whoever didn’t have work does do the wake ups/early morning especially where driving is involved.

YABU