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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Would you class this as a friendship?

13 replies

Panther40 · 17/07/2025 20:50

We were close friends at school, 35 years old now.

I'm not sure if her husband has any involvement as a few of us find him quite controlling and although he doesn't have to like me or the others, on the few occasions we see him he can at least have basic manners. A conversation with him usually goes "Hi, how are you doing?" Him" "Yeah I'm fine." The end.

Anyway,there was a big event last week as 2 of the friendship group are getting married soon and I get invited to these big events but there's not really any sort of friendship outside of that.

I think that was the first time I'd seen that friend in over a year. The times prior to that were me travelling to meet her new baby, and the times before her child were pretty much still me travelling to her.

She's married into money and loves to drop hints about it quite a lot. She casually told us how her husband always needs at least 10,000 in his savings as a minimum (not sure why this information is important or relevant)
She's in the local council and has been promoted again, she took great pleasure in telling me how she's in senior management and then said to me 'Oh what is it you do again, you work at X don't you?' And got the job wrong.

I'm trying to progress but the market is tough, and it is a sore point.
I get life is busy and so on, but everyone works, everyone has responsibilities. I never, ever get a message even just to see how I am, she's snubbed invites to my home that I bought, doesn't seem to have an interest in meeting my new partner etc.

I feel she thinks she's above me and I'm sort of 'coasting' in life because I'm not married with 2.5 kids and a fancy detached home. She also loves telling us all how fancy her 60k car is and what it does.

I guess there's no friendship anymore. I sound jealous but I'd rather be alone forever than married to him. Of course I wish I had the money but I hate show offs. She just doesn't seem to give a toss about me either.

OP posts:
Panther40 · 17/07/2025 20:51

As far as I know nothing has happened, I went and took her baby a present round and always travelling to see her, I feel like a mug.

OP posts:
dogsflying · 17/07/2025 20:51

She sounds horrible

Panther40 · 17/07/2025 20:52

She's accused a few people of 'reverse snobbery' so it can't be just me.

OP posts:
Panther40 · 17/07/2025 20:53

When i say she's married into money it's not exactly Jeff Bezos, I mean someone who's probably on around 100k with a successful business which is pretty good going.

OP posts:
BeenzManeenz · 17/07/2025 20:55

No that is not a friendship. Its just someone you grew up with, school was a long time ago. Time to move on.

Panther40 · 17/07/2025 20:57

BeenzManeenz · 17/07/2025 20:55

No that is not a friendship. Its just someone you grew up with, school was a long time ago. Time to move on.

In our mid 20s there was still more of a friendship, I'd say it's the last few years even.
People will say because of the kid but I've got a friend with x2 young kids who still manages to make an effort and regularly stays in touch.
It's not even the time, it's the attitude.

OP posts:
FlyingWithBabyLongHaul · 17/07/2025 21:10

She sounds like really hard work... I wouldn't want to stay friends with her either! If a friendship no longer enriches your life then I think you should just quietly let it die! Focus your energy on friends that actually care about you and bring you happiness. ☀️

CarpetKnees · 17/07/2025 21:16

I wouldn't say it can be a friendship as you clearly don't like her.

Just because you went to school with someone, doesn't mean you have to remain friends 20 years later.
Some people are. Some fall out. Some just drift apart as lives go in separate directions.

Nomoresnails · 17/07/2025 21:29

Some people just leave you feeling shite after interacting with them. It's sad but it's time to move on from this one.

Panther40 · 17/07/2025 21:35

I would like her more if she didn't act as if she's above me and actually gave a damn.

OP posts:
Nomoresnails · 17/07/2025 21:37

Yes. I have a sibling like that. There's no cure I don't think. It's hurtful.

Sally2791 · 17/07/2025 21:40

She belongs in your past- move on and maybe nice new friends in tune with your values

IdaGlossop · 14/11/2025 19:33

I've only ever set ground rules in training events I've run. Ground rules in a marriage sounds very odd to me. Where would you start? Non-alcoholic drinks only. No banquette seating. Don't feed each other pudding. Maintain a distance of two metres when walking outside.

Unless you've made an agreement - a ground rule, in fact - that neither of you will have friendships with members of the opposite sex, surely policing a night out just tells you partner you don't trust them.

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