Is this normal these days? RSVP's

[Thisisntthowisawthisgoing]

I'm hosting a party this weekend. Very relaxed thing, we'll be around for the majority of the day, then people can come along whenever suits them. However, there was an 'RSVP by' date as I've planned a buffet lunch. So I asked people to let me know either way by x date, and if yes to let me know how many of them are coming.

15 people/sets of people have been invited:

• 2 have said yes and sent numbers
• 2 have declined
• 9 have said something along the lines of 'oo sounds fun, 'I'll check the calendar', or just sent an emoji but then not followed up with a yay or a nay even though I sent them a brief follow up briefly reminding about the RSVP deadline and asking if they could let me know either way as we'd love to see them
• 2 haven't said anything at all

I genuinely have zero issues just catering for us and the ones who RSVP'd and not for anyone else, it's not about that, it's more...is this normal now? Just to not let people know either way? I could imagine a few forgot, life is busy etc....but 11 out of 15 suggests that this is just normal and I've missed some sort of manners memo? Also is it now? Or has it always been like this, but I'm only noticing it now?

YANBU I find it incredibly rude. It's almost as if their own time is more important than yours. Your offering to do something that can benefit them so just have the common courteousy to yay or nay. Appreciate you can be in the middle of something when an invite comes through. If I need to check then I set a phone reminder to ping for a time in the evening I know I'll be free to check and then reply to the invitation.

9 out of 15 is a big difference to one or two "not sure" so yes I do think a more accurate number would be helpful!

@HelloCheekyCat @Screamingabdabz In this case it's the difference between catering for 18 people or up to 65. I've gone for about 30. If the food runs out then I guess people will leave in search of it.

But if it is a casual "drop- in" throughout the day, then what if naughty non-responders arrive first and eat all the food before the polite people, who did bother to respond, get there?

This is a good idea.

Or if it's an invite on a group chat say

'We're expecting name, name, name and name on Saturday thanks for getting back to us! Looking forward to catching up
Then and seeing everyone else soon' x

Rude and flaky. People that do this are usually the ones who never host themselves so don't think about how much it messes the host about.

My friend has a cunning solution which works fairly well. She creates a FB or WhatsApp group for the event, sets an rsvp date, then sends one reminder and anyone who still hasn't responded within a couple of days gets deleted from the event. She sometimes gets a few embarrassed people asking to be added back.

So we got 8 out of the 15, which means 6 families showed up who hadn't firmly RSVP's (I'm still on the fence as to whether an emoji counts, some said they used the thumbs up to mean yes and others meant 'I acknowledge the invite' but weren't going to come, so it's definitely not a helpful response). A further 2 let me know on the day they weren't going to make it. 4 had previously said no, so just 1 total no show in the end which feels standard. I'd catered enough for the people who showed up so didn't run out of food.

Not too bad. I'm glad they were there and I didn't say 'no rsvp no attendance' as it was lovely to spend time with everyone. Just wish the prep could have been slightly less discombobulating!

Thanks for all the responses.

How uncivilised would you need to be to believe that an emoji counts as an RSVP?! At the very least, the reply text should start with ‘Thank you for the invitation to …’

I completely agree. Sadly in a world where people can now react to professional emails with emojis I feel my dissatisfaction with them as a response is fighting against the tide!