Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

How to find out the truth, if I even should?

14 replies

Mumof2amazingasdkiddos · 17/07/2025 16:19

I've been told by someone who is a known liar/shitstirrer that the man that has moved in with my next door neighbour is a peado. I know my neighbours name but not this man's and I don't really get on with my neighbour as she has caused a few issues on and off so I just do my best to avoid/ignore her. She has a lot of issues with alcohol and drugs and she's not a full shilling as my Grannie used to say (and honestly even if we did get on am I supposed to just ask her "hey is your new boyfriend a peado?")

Given the source I should ignore it but then can you take a risk with something like this? My 2 DC are particularly vulnerable with additional needs and he has tried to be friendly/interact with them/me (not in anyway in a sinister way and I had no concerns at all about him prior to being told this aside from like his new girlfriend hes into drink and drugs but that doesn't effect my DC)

I'm not interested in starting a witch hunt, and I don't want to ask around in case someone decides to act upon what could be utterly false accusations and he gets a kicking. But how do I find out if there is any truth to it given I don't even know his name? Should I even attempt to find out?

AIBU you know the person who told you this can't be trusted so just forget it

AINBU you can't really take the risk in case it is true so try and find out (how?) So you can safeguard your DC

OP posts:
MillOnTheSaw · 17/07/2025 16:22

Yes the person who told you can’t be trusted / id drop it for now.

Even if he was a paedo - what would you do?

fassnk · 17/07/2025 16:23

Can you make an enquiry under Sarah's law for this?

Swampdonkey123 · 17/07/2025 16:23

I would just make sure your DC are never in a position where they are likely to be alone with him, and otherwise take no action. I can't imagine you would be letting them spend time with someone with issues with drink and drugs anyway, so it won't really change much.

Comedycook · 17/07/2025 16:24

So if you do find out he's a paedophile what are you going to do?

Lmnop22 · 17/07/2025 16:24

I would just act exactly how you would if they were a paedo - keep your kids close and don’t encourage any conversations/friendship or interactions.

Realistically you couldn’t do anything except this if they were confirmed to be a paedo because he’s still entitled to live next door to you…

MyMilchick · 17/07/2025 16:25

What would you do if he was? You can't ask him to move out. I presume regardless of whether he is or isn't your children are never going to be around the man anyway

Picklechicken · 17/07/2025 16:34

Well you just never, ever let your dc be alone with him, surely? As you would with any random person? So there’s no risk. So leave it.

MagentaRocks · 17/07/2025 16:36

fassnk · 17/07/2025 16:23

Can you make an enquiry under Sarah's law for this?

No. The neighbour has no reason to be alone with the children so it wouldn’t apply. You can safeguard your children by not leaving them alone with him, which most people wouldn’t with someone who they don’t even know.

Hardlyworking · 17/07/2025 16:36

I don't really see the issue. With or without convictions he presumably won't be spending time with your kids.

As a parent I'm a lot more worried about the friendly professional dad of my child's friend, the supportive hands on sports coach, the friendly Sunday school teacher, etc., etc.

(disclaimer, I'm not pointing fingers, that was generic examples of public personas a paedo could present)

Original poster
Mumof2amazingasdkiddos · 17/07/2025 16:38

I'm in temporary accommodation (have been in this house 3 years now) so I would push for a move. I would/will also keep the blinds closed as my DS does like to randomly strip off! There are also a lot of DC on the street so if I knew 100% it was true I would inform the other parents, obviously I will not do this based on rumours alone regardless of the source. He does try to be friendly with other DC on the street but I can't see their parents ever letting their DC go into the house for example

OP posts:
ExtraOnions · 17/07/2025 16:40

Is he convicted … or one of these people who “rumours” are started about, with zero evidence, who end up getting assaulted or driven out of their home ?

Sarah’s law disclosure .. which even if it turns out to be true, you need to let the authorities do their jobs.

ohyesido · 17/07/2025 16:42

What would you do even if you were to find out for sure?

Original poster
Mumof2amazingasdkiddos · 17/07/2025 16:59

ExtraOnions · 17/07/2025 16:40

Is he convicted … or one of these people who “rumours” are started about, with zero evidence, who end up getting assaulted or driven out of their home ?

Sarah’s law disclosure .. which even if it turns out to be true, you need to let the authorities do their jobs.

I don't know and that's what I'm asking, how do I find out if he has any convictions given I don't even know his name? I have zero interest in spreading false accusations and getting him forced out of his home, I just want to know if i need to take extra precautions given they hang out in their front garden a lot and can see straight into my living room and he does try to be friendly (absolutely could be innocently) with my DC and other DC that live on the street

OP posts:
Laura95167 · 09/08/2025 20:44

Ask the shit stirrer for his his name. If they dont know it they're BSing, if they know Sarah's law

New posts on this thread. Refresh page