Ever since I got pregnant all I’m seeing is people having miscarriages.

[Ellamaee]

Hi , posting this is aibu for traffic , I don’t know the aim of this post , but I’m hoping just for some support that I’m not getting in outside world . I have a nearly 2 year old and 8 weeks pregnant with baby number 2. Ever since I got pregnant all I’ve seen on social media is miscarriages , second trimester miscarriages and still births , Sid’s etc. I’ve came off social media , blocked off certain key words to stop the videos showing but it keeps popping up everywhere and I’m terrified . Everytime I have a scan and see a heart beat I think everything goes well until I see something like “all was well at my scan then next day they were gone” or miscarriage at like 16 weeks. Honestly it just feels like I can never relax , even when baby gets here it’ll be Sid’s worry , even with my 2 year old i worry about sudc. I just feel like I hold my breath with every scan cause I’m convinced somethings gonna happen and it’s gonna be a missed miscarriage. Anyone else feel the same and wanna talk about it ? I feel so alone :(

I was in this exact position last year when I was pregnant with my second. I’d had a miscarriage in between my kids. Like you, I ended up blocking certain keywords and stuff cos my anxiety couldn’t cope. I ended up being referred to the perinatal mental health team in the end (although they rejected me - that’s a whole other story!).

Unfortunately suggestions on social media will be targeted as you’re probably talking about your pregnancy and googling things, so it will show you these things. I remember opening tiktok when I was 19 weeks pregnant and one of the first things I saw was doorbell footage of someone going to the hospital pregnant and coming back not. It sent me into a spiral and that’s when I ended up being referred to the PNMH team. Didn’t help that I had a shit midwife either! I ended up having some Doppler appointments just to hear the heartbeat to settle my mind until I could feel the baby kicking regularly.

can’t offer any advice, just a hug cos I’ve been there too xx

It’s Baader-Meinhof phenomenon. Where you’re paying more attention because of the relevance to you. I’ve been where you are, much sympathy.

I’m so sorry you’ve experienced this too , genuinely pregnancy is so scary :( I’ve got quite bad ocd too so that would’ve sent me into a spiral too. I’ve got a scan in about an hour and I keep seeing things that are giving me so much anxiety! I do feel so sorry for anyone who’s experienced losses . But it keeps showing up at the wrong time and it makes me think it’s going to happen to me too xx

I just had to look that up and I’ve never heard of that very interesting! Thank you so much, hope you handled it okay and are doing better

My social media did this when I was pregnant (it clearly saw that I’d been looking at TTC and early pregnancy content/websites and then included a load of stuff about miscarriages and traumatic pregnancies). Even when I clicked ‘I’m not interested in this content’ on Instagram I kept getting it. In the end I stopped using it entirely because it was making me stressed and upset.

I have cancer and I feel like all I see is cancer and everyone dying of cancer. It’s purely your perception because of what’s going on in your life. Just don’t read those articles or look at those posts. On social media, the more you look at them, the more you get because of the algorithms. Just interest yourself in cat videos or something instead.

It's your Reticular Activating System in your brain. It's job is to filter out the stuff we don't need to see and filter in the things we (currently) have an interest in - simply because we don't have the mental capacity to process all the information we encounter.

That's why you decide to buy a blue Kia or a Jack Russell and you'll start seeing them everywhere. And why you can sleep through a thunderstorm but a baby's cry will wake you immediately.

If you want it to stop start being interested in something else and your RAS will switch the focus.

I am so sorry to hear , I hope you beat it and are doing okay under terrible circumstances xx

My lovely DD is fast asleep next to me now. But you’re right, it doesn’t end when they’re born, you just worry about the next risk. You’re doing the right things in avoiding news or reading about things that trigger the anxiety. I wish I’d got some help and some CBT to help me rationalise the fears. They do rob the joy. I wrote down every reassuring statistic I read and tried to focus on them.
Keep talking to people, I found that helped. Just releasing the pressure. Wishing you a healthy and uncomplicated pregnancy and excellent care to support you.

It's the bloody google algorithm - not you. Try and change as many setting as you can.
Congratulations!
Stay off SM - I say that but the birth advocacy thing is very important in the UK.

I had 2 miscarriages with my first 2 pregnancies and after each one it seemed as though EVERYONE was pregnant and there were bumps wherever I looked. I think I was just hypersensitive, as I was desperate to become pregnant again. When I did fall pregnant, I also became so paranoid and kept reading about pregnancy loss that I had to come off Mumsnet/social media for a while as I was making myself unnecessarily worried. I hope everything works out for you x

Have you switched off microphone access on fb? Facebook listens in and shows you relevant content

Keep reminding yourself that most pregnancies are healthy and babies are born safely. Have something along those lines as a calming affirmation that you can say to yourself.

Try pregnancy yoga to connect with your baby .

Remind yourself you're doing everything within your control to help your baby like vitamins and no booze etc
And if this baby is meant to be born it will be xx