To ask when your 13/14 year old goes to bed?

[sidechick]

DS13 thinks we are unreasonable and strict (I actually think the opposite and that we are pretty relaxed!)

So I wondered-

What time do your teens go to bed?

What restrictions or limits do you have on phone use?

What time do you expect them up on weekends?

thank you

13 year old…during the week about 9:30 but he probably then reads for quite a while, at the weekend 10:30 on average, sometimes later and again will read. He gets up at 6:30 during the week and is the first one downstairs, at the weekend I have no expectations of when he has to get up although he’ll often have football at least one day so that could mean an early start. His phone is downstairs at night.

School night around 10pm and is up between 6.45 - 7.00am.
Weekend he goes around 10pm but doesn't put his light out till around 11pm.
Gets up around 7am as he has activities and "stuff"
Holidays still around 10pm and gets up by 8 am usually, he likes to be up and about

My 13yr old is expected to be in their room by 930 during the week, they don't have to go to sleep if they aren't tired so sometimes reads or potters about however they are in their room and winding down.

No limits or restrictions on phone use other than age-related content restrictions via a family app. They're clued up on e-safety and know they can come to me if anything worries them, I periodically check their phone if I have a cause to be concerned. Phones doesn't go in their bedroom and is charged downstairs overnight.

I let them wake up whenever they like on a weekend and in the holidays unless we have plans, although 13yr old has a club on a Sunday morning so gets up early for that. During the holidays I will plan in for at least one lazy day each week where they can please themselves, 13yr old usually likes to rot in bed with a book on those days.

14 year old. Bed around 9pm on school nights. Takes melatonin to aid sleep as he has ADHD so that helps.
Iphone controlled by family app. Has time limits on social media apps and downtime of 8 30pm.
He thinks we are very strict and unreasonable.

Dts are almost 14. Bed at 2130, don’t have to go to sleep but I take the phones. They are up at 615.

weekends They always have a Saturday activity and need to be up by 0800. Sunday they can sleep as long as they want, as long as they are in bed at the right time to be ready for school Monday am.

13 Yr old. During term time bed is 9/9.30pm. Phone locks at 9pm but as she doesn't get home until 5.45 and then has 1 hour homework each night she had about 2 hours access to her phone.
She has school on a Saturday so on a Sunday she can stay in bed until whatever time she wants.

Holidays bed time is whenever but phone still goes off at 9pm and she has a 3 hair time limit per day. Up time is up to her but she's usually downstairs by 11am.

15 year old boy - 10 pm on school nights. 9.30 if he’s particularly tired. Friday and Saturday when he’s tired.

School mornings he’s up by 7.15. Weekends anything from 8- 11 am.

15 year old usually in bed by 10pm and whenever at weekends.

DD13 is a night owl (takes after her dad) and doesn't seem to need much sleep

Her devices lock at 10:30 but she usually dicks around till at least 11/11:30 😩

She gets up at 7:00 on weekdays for school, but will stay in bed till lunchtime at weekends because she stays up till 12/1:00am 😳

Yes, I know this is terrible parenting

DS goes up between 10-10.30 (occasionally a bit later at weekend). Phone locks at 11 on a school night and 11.30 at the weekend. He goes to sleep once phone locks. Refuses to read nowadays.

See I think I’m pretty relaxed. We control his phone on family app. It locks at 10pm on school nights then he has a quick shower, makes sure bag is packed etc for the next day and is in bed at 10.30pm

On Fri/Sat nights it doesn’t lock until 11pm and he’s usually in bed at about 11.30pm

He has a limit of 4 hours per day, 5 on weekends which I think is way more than enough and actually a ridiculous amount of time.

He is allowed apps like Snapchat and TikTok with parent mode, but these give virtually the same freedom as using them normally it just means I can keep an eye out.

According to him we are unreasonable. He claims that when he checks his apps the next day ‘everyone’ else has been messaging on group chats etc into the early hours 🙄 He also says everyone ‘laughs at him’ for having a screen time limit. He keeps putting up such a battle and being so rude that I actually feel really down about this. I don’t know anyone else to cross compare with so thought I’d ask on here.

9.30 weekday and 10.30 weekends .
No social media at all in our house . Never have and hope they have missed the bug . But I could see how kids get addicted to it and dont want to miss things friends have seen or messages.
I think you are being sensible.

My 14 year old goes to bed at 9.30 on a week day and 10 at a weekend. Weekends he watches shows for an hour. It’s school holidays here, last night at 10pm he was in the kitchen eating cereal. I said nothing.

It’s not terrible parenting at all. When you become a teenager your brain changes and it becomes natural to stay up later and sleep in, in the mornings. If you google it you can see there are studies that have been done. My daughter goes to sleep whenever she is ready, sometimes it’s early and sometimes it’s late. They are learning to become adults, it’s not a biggy at that age.

Oh op it is a constant poisonous battle over the phone with our 13 year old. He is never ever happy and whatever rules kicks against and argues. He lies...hides the phone. Has started endless arguing claiming we are world's strictest parents.

It dominates all my interactions with him and I wish I could smash rhe phone with a hammer

Rules roughly are phone out of room at about 930 (He can overcome all controls) and we go round and round on rules during rhe day. He claims only unlimited Snapchat would be fair and I sadly think he is genuinely addicted. Im constantly trying to block and limit it and he constantly argues

Mostly what angers him is that we remove rhe phone at night he says it is embarrassing

Sadly having asked around many parents do luck all and yep the kids are allowed them all night either through naivety or not caring

our nearly 13 year old goes to be between 9:30-10pm week nights and her phone stays down stairs for the night.

@waterrat ugh sounds very similar to what we are dealing with! Totally get what you mean about wanting to smash it with a hammer 😤

All parents are stricter than the child's friends parents. It's a universal law. In theory it should be impossible but that's paradox for you.

My 14 yr old goes to bed at around 9.30. In school days he's up at 7. At the weekends he needs to be up to go to an activity at about 8.30 on Saturday, and Sundays he can do what he likes, but is generally up by 9.

In terms of phone use, he's had a phone for three years and has been extremely sensible with it, so I don't feel the need for restrictions. He is usually off at around bedtime. I do spot-check his phone, messages etc but everything is fine so I am doing this less and less.

@sidechick I've also been told people laugh at him (and us!) - and that we are 'famous' for being the strictest parents in our town. haha. I ahve to laugh.

as I say to him - I wish I was !

On a serious note though. My dh was reading some new research about 'problematic phone use' which is different to actual time spent - it's about the relationship between child and phone.]

my son sadly ticks many boxes and maybe yours does too

• struggles to be parted from it
• uncomfortable about having it in a different room ever
• resists handing it over at night or when asked -
• puts up a fight/ argue
• no time is ever enough
• stops them doing other things
• etc etc

Mine weren’t allowed phones in bedrooms until after GCSEs. I chilled a bit after that. I know one of mine wouldn’t have got any qualifications if she was allowed her phone at night.

Nearly 13 year old. 10 pm on school nights, no set bedtime on Fridays/Saturdays or holidays but tends to be no later than 11. In term time he generally has to be up early ish on Saturdays for sport. Don’t make him get up at any particular time on Sundays but it’s never late- he’s not one to lie in. Controversially, we don’t and have never set screen time limits and he is one of the most regulated kids I’ve come across when it comes to screen time use, other parents actually comment on it. He sometimes lets his phone run out of charge and doesn’t turn it back on for a day or two. Removed himself from some WhatsApp groups he wasn’t happy to be in. Doesn’t have Snapchat (does have Instagram, WhatsApp and Tik Tok). Knows I can ask to see his phone at any time.