To ask for tips to be a more patient parent

[loopylou234]

I have 3 kids: 5, 4 and 2. We both work full time, have a lovely life, house etc. I am very grateful, and I am aware how lucky I am to have 3 healthy children, I know that. They do nursery 4 days a week and then 1 day my mum has them so I am also very grateful for that.

BUT I just find it so hard to parent. My 2 year old is a nightmare at the moment with being clingy, whinges at everything and EVERYTHING is a battle. Picking up from nursery is a battle. Won’t get in the car. Won’t be carried but also runs off if I let her walk.

my 4 year old is so defiant. He says no to absolutely EVERYTHING. Everything with him is a battle. Nothing is good enough.

It’s the mornings - getting them all ready and out the door at 7am, evenings after a long day at work trying to get them in the bath etc.

just feel like I need to be a more patient parent but I have no idea where to start on this. I love them so much but sometimes I dread it.

Good lord, you sound like you’ve got your hands full. The first thing I’d ask is do you have much time for yourself to re-charge? You can’t pour from an empty cup…

It’s bloody grim. You need to ditch the guilt for feeling this way!

3 aged 5 and under and having to get them up so early and dressed out of the house sounds like it’s it really difficutl for everyone in your family and I can’t imagine many people wouldn’t find it difficult. I think accepting that is key.

Well, just like positive parenting I’d try to notice moments when you ARE patient, even if it’s tiny moments in a long day!

There are probably lots of times you DO manage to be patient despite the extremely challenging life you have. So I’d try to notice them and give yourself a sticker (literally if you like).

Actually re stickers, I’ve known friends have a family meeting where they agree a few house rules, maybe one or two each proposed (eg ‘no shouting in the mornings’. Then you could genuinely have yourselves a sticker chart each. Increase the positivity.

I had a dc who seemed to need telling things 1000 times. I was advised to go over and touch their arm or shoulder before saying it. It really did help.

It sounds like there isn't time to be patient in your week day life - the mornings and evenings must have to be very rushed in order to get everything done in that time frame. Their emotional outbursts in the week are possibly linked to overtiredness / over stimulation and seeking connection to you.

What do the weekends look like? I think if I was in your shoes I'd keep the weekends very quiet and allow lots of free play at home, with you around. No schedules, no rushing to be places. Say "yes" to things. Create a weekend routine of a family story time together on the sofa or something first thing in the morning after breakfast. Let their play evolve naturally - set up something for them to do outside and sit near them, letting them interact with you in an unstructured way. Let the older one practice getting dressed by themselves at the weekends - doesn't matter if clothes are on inside out - its just practice. Let them help with the cooking, or get involved with jobs you're doing. Include them in everything. They need that connection with you without any time pressures or instructions at the weekends.

No help but unfortunately I’m not sure it’s achievable without more sleep, less rushing, less stress which goes hand in hand with kids and working. Also you didn’t have to be so grateful, yes you can be grateful but also you earned what you have and are paying for it in time, mental load as well as money. I’m be honest I think the answer to everything is more sleep less rushing, more eg fresh air less screens, I don’t think any of us that live the modern hamster wheel can be relaxed without those things

That’s made me feel better. Thanks everyone

I have a 2yo and a 4yo and I try to just focus on enjoying them - yes they're crazy, yes there's whining and defiance, but there's also lots of cuddles and playtime and silliness and stories, and I love those bits. One tip that could help your mornings - put the nursery-age ones to bed in the clothes they're going to wear the next day. Saves a lot of faff choosing clothes in the mornings. We also only do baths every other day unless they're absolutely filthy, and set timers so they're done in 10mins. As another poster suggested, we also keep weekends very chill, just pottering at home or in the garden, no activities.

Ok firstly, they don’t need a bath every night. Also, empathise with them as no one likes to have to be out of the house by 7am every day.