That this guy won't be different with me?

[1973Ellenna]

This guy has said "we must go for a drink sometime" - he's early 60s, never married, never lived with anyone. I'm friendly with his cousin so I've been out with him socially a couple of times, he can be quite loud and drinks a bit more than me but otherwise seems like a nice guy. His cousin told me before this he's had many relationships lasting a couple of years or so but he always ends up "discarding" them then and told his cousin he never loved any of them/ wasn't really into them.
My head tells me I likely should decline a date with him as it's unlikely he's changed?

AIBU - go on a date
AINBU - avoid

It's a drink. Not a proposal of marriage.
Either go or don't.

Well it depends what you are looking for. If you are hoping for a stable, long term relationship then he's probably not the right guy to pursue. But if you like him and are happy to have a bit of fun knowing it probably won't last then go for it.

If he " discards" women when he's bored with them and speaks disparagingly about them to his cousin, and presumably to others, he doesnt sound like a " nice guy".

And if he drinks a lot and is loud with it he sounds distinctly unappealing.

I suppose at least you're under no illusions about him but do you really find him appealing enough to even go out for a drink with him?

He wouldn’t be my type.

You can do better

I’d go for a date. But I like dating: it’s an opportunity to meet somebody interesting and visit a new bar. I’ve never taken it to mean it’s necessarily going to go anywhere. What are you looking for? Assuming you’re a similar age and not looking for somebody to have children with, or desperate to live with somebody and intertwine everything you have, perhaps something more open ended and casual is ideal?

Is ending a brief relationship when you know you’re not in love with the other person a bad thing? I don’t think it is, tbh. It’s far better than what so many people seem to do: string somebody along for years, or stay in a loveless relationship because they’re scared to be alone / enjoy the financial and other benefits of having a partner.

’Discarding’ them may just be his cover story. They may dump him for being loud and a drinker.

He doesn't sound like much of a catch, does he? You can do better.

Depends on so many things. He's in his sixties - how old are you? Is the cousin trying to make a move on you and so wanting to put you off? Do you have kids? Can you cope with a man who drinks a lot and is 'loud'? Do you actually like him?

I mean, for me it would be a 'hell, no', but people have different tolerances and ways of spending time. Of course, if you are twenty two and a near-teetotaller, then give him a swerve.

I wouldn't even consider it as he doesn't sound like someone I'd want to waste spend time with. But, each to their own.

You've got nothing to lose by going on a date. At least you know, second hand, what to expect and once you meet him, you may find he's not as you've been led to believe. Or if he is, you can decline a second date, if asked.

Avoid.

Thanks, all. I think my gut is telling me to politely decline.

I think I'd pass.

I’m a seasoned dater and I honestly believe that you are doing the right thing.