AIBU to think teacher has bullied DD?

[SourDoe]

My DD is about to leave yr6 and go up to secondary school.

During the course of this academic year she has been diagnosed with severe dyslexia, something the school did not pick up. I have another child with dyslexia and knew the signs so arranged an assessment.

Having never received any support for her dyslexia she has become disenfranchised after struggling for so long and being overlooked. Her self esteem is poor and she is anxious. At times she can get fed up and has been known to roll her eyes or slump on the desk when she's really frustrated and I realise this does annoy her teacher.

Throughout the year her teacher has often alluded to the idea that she is just lazy, and has often told me that she has a bad attitude towards learning.

DD has almost 100% attendance. Despite having been unwell at times she has refused to take time off. She tells me because if she takes a day off her teacher will only get more cross with her for being further behind and it isn't worth it.

At times my daughter has got upset and told me that she cannot please her teacher, she tries and fails and this makes her feel like a horrible person. I have spoken to the teacher regularly about this but to me she is nothing but sweet and says all the right things. DD says she changes when another adult comes into the room.

I have recently witnessed the teacher berating and openly shaming another child with SEN for something outside of the child's control. I raised these concerns with the childs parents, who already had concerns about the teachers conduct.

I have learned today that DD became emotional after being forced to do a reading for their leavers service. Children were asked to volunteer, she did not but was told she had to do it anyway. She cried when it was time to do it and said she couldn't. Her teacher shouted at her and told her she had to do it. Another member of staff told DD that she has never seen a child say no to a teacher before. Another child later told her parent that they heard the teacher say to the staff member that DD never makes any effort. Other staff members have made sarcastic / passive aggressive comments to me about DD also. I fear that being cynical about DD has become a habit amongst a group of staff.

Her teacher has never once acknowledged her dyslexia diagnosis, nor attempted to support DD with it. Her end of year report gave her poor effort for reading.

I have always tried to see things from both sides. I was raised by teachers and appreciate how hard they work often without recognition so I have nothing against teachers per se but I cannot get away from the feeling that this teacher gets a buzz out of picking on DD.

AIBU to think she might be bullying DD and should I raise this with the school even though we're leaving?

Could there be a chance that the teacher might contact the secondary and pass on negative information to them also? If so, how can I find out? I have been counting down the days until she leaves so she can have a fresh start at secondary school and I will be furious if her teacher has continued to perpetuate the narrative that DD is just lazy to deflect attention away from any idea that the school might have failed to support her appropriately.

I would not bother raising it with school if she is leaving shortly and you don’t have another child there. The complaints system takes forever.

The teacher won’t pass on any info other than what’s in your child’s report, which may be shown to her secondary teachers simply so they can put her in the correct classes.

the secondary teachers will see for themselves if your DD behaves well and works hard and will make their own judgements.

@simsbustinoutmimi

Thank you for replying and offering some reassurance.

I'd raise all your concerns and format a complaint for the headteacher to read.

If your DD has had this experience - nothing will stop another child having the same experience if you dont speak up.

I'd be especially keen to hone in on the dyslexia that wasnt picked up, especially as your other child had a confirmed diagnosis. I'd probably consider raising this with governors even, because they should have an obligation to test her for this and they failed her. You were able to access help outside of school, but other parents wont/cant so the next child like her that is ignored, will end up going years before they are helped at secondary, if ever.

My ds was bullied by his p7 teacher, she was beyond awful. I am quite quiet and pretty much never complain about anything but put in complaints about this particular teacher, she was genuinely a dreadful person. School did not care, my complaints got nowhere.

I wanted to respond purely to say that my son, whose confidence she destroyed, is now thriving in secondary school. The teachers are full of praise for him, he loves the variety of classes and the teachers encourage all the pupils. It’s just a regular academy (Scottish secondary) but the difference from primary school is staggering. He has a couple of teachers he’s not crazy about but one class and he’s on to the next subject and a teacher he thinks is great.

I am sorry about what your poor daughter has endured, I know how damaging it can be, but secondary school is so different and it’s amazing how quickly they can have their confidence restored in the right environment. Good luck, I really hope she has the same experience my son is now enjoying

I disagree that you shouldn’t complain. The teacher sounds ignorant towards learning difficulties/disabilities and it’s not okay for her to make your daughter feel inferior. Your poor DD, she sounds so sad and fed up!

The teacher needs to realise how she has made your daughter feel and she needs further training about the issues that can present with pupils with learning needs and how her shitty attitude can affect motivation to learn. I would complain to the teacher directly and the head AT LEAST. They need to know so they can sincerely apologise to your DD and ensure this doesn’t happen again with future pupils.

Yes and if she gets away with it then there’s every chance she will do it again to another child. Definitely complain and contact the board of governors and ofsted as well incase the school closes ranks and tries to deny it.

Definitely raise a complaint and take it as high as you can, you might spare another child from being so severely bullied, and now is a good time as the teacher won't have long to retaliate against your daughter.

She will definitely gossip about her to other teachers if given the opportunity, I have seen the way teachers talk about kids in staff rooms, it is absolutely the norm, but if the staff rooms are basically separated from one another she might not have much contact with anyone your daughter will deal with, fingers crossed.

It will help force future teachers to do the right thing, as clearly up to now they have not been doing so.

It is also good for your daughter to see you have her back.

I am a teacher and normally am the first to leap to teachers' defence with posts like this, but from what you've said, I can think of no worthy defence whatsoever.

Firstly, re: your concern about the teacher passing on negative information to the secondary school, please don't worry. I'm a secondary school teacher and have never seen this happen in 15 years' of teaching. Any info we receive from primaries is data based. There would only be more subjective info passed on if parents had requested it (i.e. if two people from the same primary were coming up to the same secondary and the parents had requested for them not to be put in the same class or something like that). Parents have the right to request any information or communication held by the school about their child so you really can't put anything in writing that you'd not want the parents to see.

Secondly, this teacher has clearly not been following the learning support plan that should have been put in place for your daughter's dyslexia and has actively been discriminating against her due to her needs. No child should be forced to speak in front of others regardless of whether they have SEN or not and that's awful that she made her do that. I'm so sorry for your daughter. Even though you're leaving, I would make a formal complaint to the Head regarding the failure of the teacher to support your daughter's SEN and asking for evidence of how the teacher can demonstrate differentiation and support in class as per her learning support plan. I would also complain about your daughter being forced to do the speech against her will. If you don't receive an adequate response, escalate to the Chairman of Governors. This teacher needs additional training and a proper dressing down. It sounds like she can't be arsed with the job anymore and frankly when you get like that, it's time to leave.

@orwellwasright2025 Please can you not tar all of us with the same brush. Yes we do let off steam in the staffroom, but suggesting we're all maliciously gossiping about kids all the time is a bit much!

Nah, I'll just tell the truth about what I've seen and experienced, and if you're not a bullying gossip you won't feel targeted.

I don’t think you would be the only parent. I thought my DD was exaggerating about her teacher, then I met her and realised how bizarrely hostile she was to her. Then other parents made a massive complaint about her so not just my daughter. Some teachers hate children with special needs. They just want perfect ones. Some seven hate the perfect ones.

I agree with PP - report. You mentioned the teacher has acted that way toward another child too - report.

Some teachers are c*nts. And yes, this one is an ableist bully. I have a dyslexic child whose dyslexia wasn’t picked up until she was at uni. She described a similar bullying situation with a teacher she had in year 3 who shouted at her because it took her a bit longer than the other students to complete a piece of writing.

I don’t know if the teacher is truly ignorant. She sounds very manipulative. Changing demeanour when an adult comes into the classroom.

I would email a letter of complaint on the last day. Listing factual things that have occurred over the past year and the impact on your dds emotional wellbeing and esteem. It won’t do anything for your dd now but may be remembered when other parents are saying similar in years to come. Also others may also complain which will hold greater merit the more they are.

my ds is autistic, school nursery was amazing with him. Reception was ok. Y1 amazing, yr2 not great. Yr 3 was poor and I actually considered moving him but he got an amazing teacher for y4 (who I knew from my dds) Thankfully y4 was fantastic. Y5 unfortunately dreadful and again I thought should we move him but it’s one year then another move and that would be a lot for an autistic child who struggles with change. He’s about to go into y6 I’ve met the teacher and I’m cautiously optimistic.

Ours is an infants and juniors, two separate schools. When ds left infants after y2 I did raise a complaint, this was after speaking to school many times and asking for meetings. The head actually saw me on the last day (after I sent the email) and was lovely and we went through the email together. I’m glad she got a picture of what was happening with the teacher and the senco. (New to school that year the last one was fab) The senco did go on some training after (apparently) numerous complaints so I’m glad I did it. I also know that yr2 teacher had had a few formal complaints too that year.

i have just emailed a letter of complaint to the head about this year last week. About the teacher and his 1:1 who have been poor, missed opportunities to support my son and my son’s overall feelings about school and his teacher / 1:1. I got a short rather abrupt email back that basically dismissed my views which I’m not happy about but they have agreed to change his 1:1 which I’m happy about. If it was any year but y6 I’d probably move schools but as I said I’m happy with the new teacher and the 1:1 so we shall see.

The teacher’s behaviour sounds unreasonable.

However, the eye-rolling and slumping from your DD would get very short shrift from me (and my colleagues) if she were in my secondary school class so she needs to knock that on the head pretty quickly. In itself, that does support the teacher’s belief that she has a bad attitude to learning, although the teacher seems to have played her part in creating that.

It must be very frustrating to be dyslexic and struggling with work, though - the child is only human. I’m not surprised she slumps and eye rolls on occasion.

NRTFT but I would contact secondary yourself to let them know your daughter is dyslexic. The primary should have done it but it’s common they don’t pass on crucial info. My son is in y6 and has adhd. I contacted his secondary to pass on the report and ensure primary had told them. Primary had not told them. My son has had a similarly rubbish time at primary and I can’t wait for his last day. I’m a teacher by the way. Like every profession, there are some great people and some not so great. This teacher sounds poor and I’m sorry your daughter hasn’t been better supported and cared for.

Fellow teacher. Agreed 100%. ⬆️

I am very gifted at maths. Throughout primary there was endless problems when I moved from class to class as teachers took a while to realise just how good I was despite being told by the previous class teacher. (If you are wondering why it is such a problem then for the next week spend an hour a day doing 4+6 and 3+3 over and over and see if you have lost the will to live by the end.)

When I moved up to secondary I was very worried about how it would work. So as well as sending my data (which showed I was good but the tests are limited so getting 100% didn’t really explain the situation) my teacher also wrote to the school and phoned them. All is good she said - they understand the situation!

The first thing my maths teacher said to my parents at the “settling in parents evening” 4 weeks after I started was “Well! I wasn’t expecting that!” The info hadn’t gone through.

Secondary schools are huge places. Info gets very lost in them. So it is highly unlikely that anything your child’s class teacher says will get through to the people who teach her day to day.

Presumably you’ve raised all these issues with the school, following the correct procedures? Met with the SENCo, passed on the other allegations?
How did your DD do in her SATs?

Definitely report OP. My DS was bullied by a teacher, he was also severely dyslexic. I collected him from school one day, I have never seen my son so upset, he couldn’t even tell me what had happened, his friends told me what had occurred in class that day. DH & I complained, and had a couple of meetings at school, who were actually very supportive to us. I think this particular teacher had form, for this and they knew it. No regrets that we reported.

If you were concerned that your DD had dyslexia and the teachers hadn't done anything to acknowledge this, why did you not meet with the sendco? Also as you stated this was missed throughout her whole school time, so is it not the whole school you are unhappy with?

I would not get involved in what other people's children may or may not have and saying the teacher shouts. This is just gossiping and there may be good reason.

Regarding the reading, were all children doing one? Would she have stood out (and then feel excluded) if everyone else did one but she didn't?

Definitely make sure the secondary school are aware of her dyslexia and the strategies she uses e.g. specific fonts, large prints, coloured paper or overlays, processing time (will she need additional time when it comes to exams?).

I would also make sure you do look at strategies with your DD as slumping on the desk and rolling her eyes will be viewed more negatively in secondary (you say it annoys her teacher now, and they work with her every day and may give allowances for this) and are likely to come with bigger consequences such as after school detentions. Teachers in secondary do not have the same personal relationship and do not make the same allowances..if she slumps on the table and is told to sit up and given help but then continues that would have been a warning where I worked. If she then rolled her eyes at me that would be a second. If she then didn't do the work a third warning would be given and she would be sent out of class and in detention for the rest of the day and face an after school detention the next day. If that is repeated with different teachers then it would escalate. This is regardless of any SEN and while teachers might make some allowances (knowing it might take DD longer to get going, making sure she was using the overlay, checking her answer verbally and asking her to then write it) they will still expect students to engage in the work and have something to show for each lesson.

If your DD is severely dyslexic and you have another dyslexic child so knew the signs, how was your DD not diagnosed until year 6?

@Pottedpalm

I've always been advised that children aren't usually assessed fro dyslexia until after year 3/4. I've been questioning whether she might be dyslexic with the school for the last few years but they haven't taken any action other than doing the basic screening this year which showed she was at risk of dyslexia. I then arranged for her to be assessed myself.

There were signs but DD has masked very well. She has worked very hard to scrape along and blend in. I suspected she might be mild-moderate and I was surprised to learn the outcome of her assessment.

DS has dyslexia, ASD and ADHD so he has a more complex set of needs and that's what, until recently, I've based my understanding of dyslexia on because that's all I've known. I'm now learning how dyslexia can look in girls and how it can look in isolation without the other co-morbidities.

@Han86

I have met with the senco about her dyslexia but her diagnosis was only made in the last few months. I sent the report into school for them to read and discussed it with the senco.

This last term of yr6 has been manic, so I've given the teacher a bit of grace by not expecting her to find the time to meet with me about it. What I did expect was that the teacher or senco might have spoken to DD about how she feels around her diagnosis and to maybe prepare her for secondary by working on her confidence around literacy and her feelings about herself. Like a lot of dyslexic children, she has internalised a lot of negative messages which need to be unpacked. DD tells me she is nervous to mention her dyslexia because the teacher rolls her eyes and gives the other staff 'a look'.

DD could be misunderstanding these reactions but in combination with all the other things it's hard for me to not wonder whether this is an indication that she doesn't believe in the diagnosis.