Existential crisis

[Petrovaposy]

I’m fast heading towards 40 and having a bit of a ‘moment’.
I can’t believe I’m here. I’m still 16 /25 / 32 in my head at various times, but never, ever 40. I’ve probably lived half my healthy life, quite possibly over half of it? But there is so, so much I want to do, want to see, want to BE? And there might not be time for it?

Death and old age don’t seem so very far away - and I am terrified. I know that sounds silly and melodramatic. There are people all around me daily right up to their 90s who are happy and enjoying life, and my question to you, very genuinely, is - how?? Because I am feeling real existential fear, how I can shake it off as I live the second half of my life, knowing that this is it - the second half, the final half, drawing towards the end. I’m not ready, not even close to ready, I quite honestly feel as though I’m only just getting started. Help please?

Ur a big adult and need to recognise this otherwise you're going to waste the rest of your life in denial.

i have loads of friends like this. "Oh teehee I feel 16". Well you ain't.

Ah I know what you mean - I felt a strange pivoting of my purpose in life after 40. Almost like my purpose was met and what is the point of the next 40 years.

What I found comfort in is thinking, albeit prematurely, about what kind of legacy I want to leave in the world.

It doesn't have to be big, but what values do you have that are important to you, and how can you live your life as aligned as possible with your values. That's where the joy and magic happens.

There's also an unfolding stoicism in ageing. You just need to grow into it. And 40 is still young.

Pffft. Give yourself another ten years. You’ll still be in love, having sex, chasing dreams.

But you’ll be grown up, sensible and clear headed.

Get over it. Billions of people do.

I hear you and on some days I could be you.
Instead of worrying there mightn’t be time to do what you want to do, plan and prioritise what you want to do - and just do it. And instead of wondering if a 90y old feels joy, seek your own in the now.

If you can’t figure this out yourself (and many people can’t and there’s no reason why you should!)maybe some CBT or similar talking therapy might help?

That’s exactly what the second half of life is, isn’t it? Realising that you don’t have forever and that you need to make the most of it.

you sound a bit paralysed by the fear at the moment - deer caught in the headlights - but it’ll settle, and you’ll use the fear to drive you to do meaningful stuff for the second half of your life.

40 - 50 has so far been ace. Much preferred it to my 20s in a lot of respects even though I did some amazing things in my 20s.

Stop looking at whats gone and being negative about it and enjoy what you have got.

You aren't dead yet and you probably have good health so make the most of it and just enjoy it rather than worrying about it.

I’m 64 and very happy. These are the best years of my life. I hate those “growing old is inevitable, growing up is optional” type memes. You can be young at heart without being immature.

But you’ll be grown up, sensible and clear headed.

I've got 17 years on the OP and am still waiting to be these things. 😂

Thanks. I didn’t sleep well last night and so I’m still a bit of a mess today. I remember feeling a bit like this when I was a very young adult, there was the shock that childhood had gone, adulthood had arrived and I didn’t know what the fuck I was doing.
I feel like that again now, except maybe a bit worse.
Maybe it’s hormones. Ugh!